Sunday, October 30, 2016
Eyes Like Ashes
Brian was having one of those nights when he just couldn't remember how good he really had it. One of those nights when he was losing sight of all that was good if not absolutely great in his life.
It had happened to him on a few occasions in the distant past, but that had been so long ago he had almost forgotten what it felt like.
Now it was washing over him like a tsunami, and everything he dreaded about life seemed to be coming down on his shoulders all at once.
It was an odd thing, the witches brew of disconnect and damn near alienation he was feeling. After all, he was in a room full of friendly, jovial people. Words were being spoken to him that were fairly innocent, but for whatever reason they created a laser focus on his problems - trivial, minor problems that really, in the long run (and even in the very short run), didn't amount to a hill of beans.
Stuff normal people could shrug off like a sudden cold breeze.
It came to a head when he looked into the eyes of the woman he had come to the party with and saw not the gorgeous mid-winter morning sky blue he had fallen in love with, but dead gray ash.
That was when he knew he had to go. And so he did, with a few "Goodbye, gotta goes" mumbled through clenched teeth.
When Brian got home he quickly undressed and stood naked in the bedroom staring at what passed for a motivational poster on the wall.
He couldn't read the words on the poster clearly though, the words looked liked a blurred jumble.
So after a few minutes he crawled into bed. Getting to sleep was difficult. Thoughts raced through his mind that made zero sense. Emotions seemed to bounce around his brain like a racquetball being served up by Marty Hogan hitting the side wall at 140+.
They suddenly everything seemed to just shut off. All the activity that was going on, keeping him hyper alert and wide awake, just stopped.
He drifted off to sleep, but not before a few of the words printed on the motivational poster drifted through his mind;
"...it is only when you lose everything that you are finally free to do anything..."