Three Playfully Lewd Limericks

 There once was a comely Miss from Spain

Who lifted her skirt up on the train

Though it was considered rude to stare

The old porter didn't give a single care

And asked if she would do it again

A quite homely girl from the heights

Was disregarded, even in tights

But upon their removal

She was met with joyous approval

For revealing such wonderful sights

There was a plump stripper from Glengarry

Who decided to start counting every calorie

Her fans cried it was unjust

For if she lost half her bust

There would be no point to her lingerie

The Memory That Would Not Fade

She had a way of whispering goodbye

That made it impossible for you to deny

Everything and anything you two ever meant

Would live on in your head

Until the day you die

The Clarifying Reveal

 

More Pics From A Soldiers Pictorial Record Of His Stay In Korea, 1954

   Earlier this month I posted a number of pictures that were taken in Korea in 1954, just after the signing of the Korean Armistice Agreement which pretty much ended the Korean War (a proxy war fought between North Korea (with arms and training and troops from that countries supporters, the Soviet Union and the Peoples Republic of China) and South Korea (with arms and training and troops from that countries supporters, a United Nations led coalition of 21 countries which included Belgium, France, Ethiopia, Columbia, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, Thailand, Greece, and of course the Untied States - heck, primarily the United States). 

   I stated "pretty much ended the Korean War" because no peace treaty has yet to be signed by either side of the conflict, which leaves it technically an open and ongoing conflict.

   Today I'm posting a few more pictures that I am assuming were taken by the same U.S. Army soldier as the first batch of pictures I posted, as they came out of the same box I'd found in a thrift store. These pics contain images of the same camp women as seen in the first batch and a few of the U.S. Army enlisted personnel who served alongside the photographer (again, I assume).

The Type Of Patients Doctors Really Enjoy Working On

   A small group of Doctors were sitting together after a particularly long day on duty and the discussion turned to the various types of patients they had to deal with that day, and whether or not any of them were easy, trouble-free appointments

   One Doctor, a plastic surgeon, states that the easiest patient he had that day was a young up and coming actress who needed a simple rhinoplasty, and that he did such a good job he was sure he had secured her services for the rest of his life.

   Another Doctor piped up and said the easiest patient she saw was as quick and painless as it got, boasting that she was certain she had earned a lifetime of business from a young man for taking care of a small performance problem he was having in the bedroom with a simple prescription for some little blue pills.

   After a few chuckles from the gathered practitioners, one of the older, more seasoned Doctors chimed in, stating he had worked on one of, if not the single easiest patient, he had ever seen. Then simply sat back in his chair with a very contented smile on his face.

   Several of the other Doctors present looked at him curiously until one asked him to elaborate.

   The older, wiser Doctor replied in his calm steady manner that he had operated on a politician that afternoon who was experiencing chest pains, headaches and constipation, and it was both an easy and pleasurable job for him to take care of. 

   Several of the other Doctors at the gathering asked him how that could possibly be.

   The senior Doctor's smile broadened as he stated that the politician didn't have a heart or spine that he had to concern himself with, and that the politician's head and ass were completely interchangeable, so he just switched a few parts around and the patient was now resting peacefully with a 100% chance of a full recovery. 

Who Needs A Sleigh When You Can Drive This For Christmas?

If There's No Room On Your Sleeve, Wear Your Heart On The Back Of Your Car

Not Quite The Holiday Display The Mall Was Expecting

One of the Elves has been watching a little too much Dexter

 

Handy Tip Concerning The Lifting, Carrying, & Setting Down Of Heavy Items

 Here's a bit of advice regarding the lifting, carrying, and setting down of heavy items, such as, say, a 350 pound cast iron patio umbrella base.

Let the dang thing drop if it's going to drop, your fingers are no match for gravity and a 350 lb object.

Simple Problem, Simple Solution

Boss: "We need a rack to put all these clothes hangers on in order to sell them. A big rack that can handle everyone of 'em. I want all of these hangers sold by Monday."

Employee #1: "But boss, we don't have any clothes hanger racks to hang all of those hangers on. I mean, that's a lot of hangers to be hanging - we don't have anything close to being large enough to handle them all."

Employee #2: "Waitaminute. Didn't we just receive a shipment of tall extension ladders? And don't we have a boatload of white shower rods that haven't been selling?"

Employee #1: "Yes, yes we do - what do you have in mind?"

Boss: "Yeah, how are you going to sell clothes hangers with extension ladders and shower rods?"

Employee #2: Leave this to me Boss, I'll get it done - going to need a lot of zip ties though."

Boss: If that's all you need to get those hangers sold, get on it. Be sure to have Harold in inventory note whatever you use."

Employee #2: "Will do Boss - check back here in about two hours, I think you're going to like what you see."

 

Today's Vague, Indeterminate Advice

   Everybody gets a little hot under the collar every once in awhile. Or maybe just disputatious if you prefer. 

   Quite possibly argumentative would be a better descriptive, or if less offputting, simply disagreeable. 

   Whatever the case may be, getting up in arms, ticked off, boiling over, incensed, fit to be tied, miffed, mad as a hornet, p.o.'d, in a tizzy, or just plain old tempestuous...there really is only one thing to do.

  The cure for being bent out of shape is learning to be flexible. 

   Now, I'm well aware that being flexible is freakin' difficult, but it is something one can learn, and once one learns to be flexible, then getting bent out of shape is much, much easier to handle.

   Literally and figuratively.

Not The End Of The Road, But Close

 

A Fine Start To The Day

Don't Shoot The Xylophone Player

 He needed a means of coping

With the pain and suffering he had to endure

Being marred as he was by a soulless and heartless demon

So one afternoon, after watching a small parade

And for unknown reasons picking up the sounds

Created by the marching xylophone player

And then noticing the exuberant actions of said player

As he violently struck rubber-topped mallets 

Upon the small, wooden bars

That created the wonderfully 

                           Melodious interlocking tones

He found his salvation

And now he spends his days

Locked away in a small shed he built in the backyard

Practicing intricate rhythmic patterns 

With energy and enthusiasm

Rigorously and vigorously

Achieving an emotional and mental satisfaction

Beyond anything he could ever imagine

Winter Is On The Way And The Sunsets Begin At 4:30 In The Afternoon

 

Jokes Heard Around The Thanksgiving Day table

Somehow a joke telling session sprung to life at Thanksgiving dinner yesterday. These are the ones I can remember: 

   A man walks into a liquor store and ask the clerk for a case of less. The clerk responds with a quizzical look and asks, "What the heck is less?"

   The man replies, "I don't know but my Doctor told me I needed to start drinking it."

   

   One evening as the communal dinner was getting underway at the convent the Mother Superior stood up and asked for the nuns undivided attention. "Sisters," she said rather gravely, "I'm afraid there have been several cases of gonorrhea in the abbey."

   "Thanks be to God," an elderly nun said. "I've been getting tired of Merlot every night."

    Jerry went over to his friend Dan's house and asked him for help picking out a birthday gift for his wife, as he had been racking his brain for weeks to no avail. Dan told him that the best thing he ever gave his own wife for her birthday was a hand-made certificate that stated she was entitled to two hours of great sex anyway she wants it. Jerry thought that was a great idea and promptly went home, made up a certificate just like the one Dan had, and gave it to his wife.

   A day later Jerry ran into Dan at the gym. Dan asked him how it went with the certificate and Jerry exclaimed, "She absolutely loved it! She jumped into my arms and smothered me with passionate kisses, then ran out the door while yelling that she would be back in a couple of hours."

   Three older men who had known each other since grade school all got married within a few weeks of one another. One Friday evening about three months after the last wedding they met up at a local bar for drinks. Mark, the first one who had gotten married, said his bride, who he had met in Romania, had turned out to be even better than he had hoped and that within three days of him establishing the way things were going to be she was fixing him three hot meals a day and keeping the place spotless. Jimmy, the second one to marry, nods his head in agreement and tells the other two that his wife who he had met in Istanbul also surprised him by agreeing within the first week to his demands that she fix all the meals, wash the clothes, and clean the house. Robert, the last of the three to marry, sits quietly.  

   "Well," Mark finally says, "What about your bride Robby?"

   Robert stares at his friends for a few more seconds and then says, "As you know I married a woman I met in New Jersey. Just as you two did I laid down the law right after the Honeymoon. I told her she was expected to clean the house thoroughly, make sure my clothes were washed, pressed, folded and put away every week, and have breakfast, lunch and dinner prepared daily."

   "The first day I didn't see anything at all, the second day I didn't see anything either, but by the third day the swelling had subsided a bit and I could see a little out of the right eye and I could grip with my right hand well enough to fix myself a sandwich and even operate the vacuum cleaner. However, I'm still feeling a little pain when I have to pee."  

   A man is sitting on a barstool with a huge ear-to-ear smile on his face. A woman comes in and sits down on the barstool right next to him. After placing an order for a glass of mineral water with a slice of lemon, she looks over at the smiling man and says, "Wow, you sure look happy - did you win the lottery or something?"

   The man looks over at her and replies, "Well, sorta. I raise chickens and for years my hens were infertile, but not now. Today I discovered almost all of them are pregnant!"

   "That's great," says the woman, "and quite the coincidence. For years I couldn't get pregnant and I am now. How did you manage to get the hens pregnant?"

   The farmer looks at the woman and states bluntly, "Switched cocks."

   The woman looks back at the farmer and says, "Wow, another coincidence!"

  

Happy Thanksgiving, 2024

   Giving thanks, offering up some serious gratitude, for all the wonderful people (family and friends) I am extremely lucky to have in my life.

  Oh yeah, a pretty cool fat cat, too.

                      

Dialogue For An Action Adventure Movie

 "Because they have guns and guns shoot bullets and bullets put holes in your dumb ass and from those holes your blood will empty out of your body, which will end your life. Think of another plan."

  Answer to the question, "Why can't we just rush them and make our getaway?"

A Soldiers Photographic Record Of Camp Women In Korea, 1954