Most days I sit around hoping three things:
1) My cat will not only reveal that it can talk, but is actually a hyper-intelligent alien come to Earth to guide me through life - and is also a very, very funny comedian.
2) A violent electrical storm will pass through Lakewood and a bolt of lightning will strike the bags of grass seed, fertilizer and weed killer stacked on the side of my house, resulting in a potent concoction that, once spread over the lawn, turns that patchy, brown & yellow mess into a lush and beautiful carpet of green that never fades, scares the hardiest weeds away, and requires absolutely zero maintenance.
3) King Soopers will see the sense in having a bachelor food aisle and save me the hassle of having to walk all over the damn store to pick up my essentials.
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