Anger Is The Enemy, Not An Energy

I know angry people.

And I cannot understand why they are angry.

These friends of mine, they are not angry at anything specific, they are just angry..at life. At least I think they're angry at life. 

For whatever reason, life has pissed them both off and now they both are holding serious grudges.

I can't get much out of either of the people I know who are angry about why they are angry other than the occasional statement about how much life sucks.

These two, like John Lydon, seem to believe that anger is an energy. I disagree.

These two people are both employed in jobs that pay well. Both are well-educated, and are in good health. One of them is actually in great shape and twenty years after high school brags he still can run a sub 6-minute mile.

Both of these people had fairly decent upbringings - one of them had parents that divorced when she was 11, but both parents remarried (to good second spouses I believe, though I do not know that for a fact).

These two people live in nice places and have all the nice things that are usually found in nice places. They both also drive late model cars and I do not think either of them are in debt.

I don't know that for a fact, but both of them go out to eat a lot, and attend various concerts, sporting events, etc., and I can't imagine being able to do those things without some loose change laying around.

They do not have a lot in common other than living what appear to be fairly good lives, and being angry a lot.

Oh, and neither of them have pets, but I don't think that has anything to do with the anger.

I had a conversation with one of them about two weeks ago. I ran into him at Home Depot when I was picking up some paint. He was buying an end-of-season close-out bar-be-que.

We had not seen each other for awhile, so we spent some time catching up - his son is now in the 7th grade, which caught me by surprise as for some reason I had thought his son was 8 or so. It had been a bit longer than I thought since I had last seen him.

The conversation turned to the elections, and for about twenty minutes I got an earful about how screwed up the country is, how it's all the fault of the liberals, and how it's only going to get worse.

I uncharacteristically politely listened to him rave on for awhile before I told him I had to run, saying we would have to get together for a beer or something soon.

I wouldn't have given much more thought to the conversation I had with him except last night while I was doing a bit of shopping at King Soopers, I ran into the woman I know who is angry at the world. I hadn't seen her since last February or March, so, as in the case with my other angry friend, we spent some time catching up.

The weird thing was, the conversation somehow got around to politics again, and this woman also ranted a bit about how screwed up the country is, and how it's only getting worse. The only difference between her and my other angry friend is she blames the conservatives and Fox News.

I again uncharacteristically politely listened to her for awhile, then told her I had to run. And as with my other angry friend, I told her we'd have to go out for drinks sometime soon as we parted.

About 15 minutes ago I got a text from her asking if I wanted to meet up tomorrow night at the Hoffbrau. I sent a reply stating that tomorrow is my weekly trivia night (I play trivia Tuesday's with three great people who are not angry at the world). I offered two alternative nights when I'd be free, but I haven't heard back from her regarding any of those nights being acceptable yet.

I am fascinated by both of my angry friends. I can remember a time in my life when I was angry, but I was young and had what most people would agree were some pretty good reasons for the anger.

That was a long time ago though. It has literally been decades since I was seriously angry. The times I have been angry in recent memory have been reactions to specific situations, and the anger usually dissipated fairly quickly (usually after I realised I was being an idiot).

Which is part of the fascination I have for the two angry people I know. Both of them are older, so I somehow expect them to have worked out their anger issues.

But they haven't. If anything, I think they are both angrier since the last time I encountered either of them. And both of them seem to relish holding onto grudges. It's as if they are cherished pets.

Hell, one of these two angry friends is still mad at an ex of hers from almost ten years ago. I know the guy - he wasn't physically abusive, and he didn't betray her - it just didn't work out for them. He doesn't hold a grudge against her (that I know of).

She can't talk about him without displaying some serious anger. You can actually see her whole body clench up.

I can't hold a grudge, myself, and have never been able to. I'm mystified by people with the ability to hold a grudge. It's not like I don't have any exes - I have a few, but I still like them - all of them. We may have parted company on bad terms, but all of the bad stuff, from every single failed relationship I've ever had, has been forgiven if not outright forgotten (at least on my end - some of my exes may not feel the same way, but that's their right and prerogative).

There is not one single person or thing I am angry at, or have been angry at for longer than a few hours, tops, since I turned thirty. Seriously. I don't see the point in maintaining anger - takes too much energy.

None of my other friends are quite like these two. Of course, I do know other people who have expressed anger about some things going on in their lives on occasion, but nothing like the all-around anger-at-the-world anger that these two exhibit.

I understand anger as a defensive mechanism, part of the fight-or-flight mechanism, but I don't understand the kind of anger these two posses (or are possessed by?). I mean, why be angry at stuff you can't really do anything about? What purpose does it serve? Does it give their lives validation or meaning somehow?

These two friends do not know each other, and I'm thinking it would be interesting to introduce them. Two angry people on opposite sides of the political fence. I can just see the fireworks now...