Ah hud ne'er heard Spanish spoken wi' a Glaswegian accent afair, but as ah left th' airport th' distinctife slur ay th' Eest End cam it ay th' gob ay th' taxi driver as surely as if it was Jimmy Boyle himself.
"Excuse me," ah said, forgoin' a feeble attempt at Spanish an gamblin' oan mah English bein' un'erstaun. "Yoo huvnae spent onytime in Glesga, Scootlund, hae ye?"
"Nae, acum fae Govan!" Tay cuttie cheil nearly laughed it at me. 'en he looked up an' smilin', said, "Ahm jist havin' ye oan - me fowk was livin' in Parkheid gonnae oan fife generations." Th' words rang clear as a Parkheid chant an' ah wondered hoo th' heel thes cheil hud woond up drivin' a cab in Madrid.
Th' answer tae 'at question woods answer nearly every question ah ever hud abit myself, mah life, an' especially th' circumstances surroondin' th' arrest an' imprisonment ay mah faither in Kilmarnock.
"Aye, ah was only twintie when ah joined th' Sellicade to Lisbon tae watch th' micht Sellic 11 tak' oan Inter Milan fur th' '67 Euro cup. Whit a bonnie side we hud - showed those Italians a hin ur tois abit Fitba, ken whit ah pure techt?"
Ah caught his een in th' rear-view mirrur as he spoke an' ah coods almost see them drift back tae 'at Main ay '67, when th' 'Lisbon Lions', as th' Sellic side has become knoon, did indeed shaw aw ay Europe a hin ur tois abit Fitba.
"See," he started again, "Ah was en Portugal fur a week efter th' match when ah finally sobered up. Ah hud rin oot ay bunsens an' aw th' other fans hud gain, sae ah was stuck wi' nae other option but tae bide sober. Mah ride back was lang gain by 'en, an' as ah mentioned ah hud nae bunsens. Cooldnae spick ur kin a wuid ay Portuguese back 'en, an' nae a body in Lisbon coods kin me English."
He seemed tae laugh tae himself at th' memory ay 'at, an' as he navigated th' narraw streets ay Madrid ah noticed fur the first time 'at he hud a wee Glesga Sellic key rin' in th' ignition.
Wi' barely a pause he continued his story. "Ah started hitchhikin', hopin' fur a ride frae a lorry driver oan a long haul ben France. Ah gart it tae Madrid efter ten days oan th' hottest, dustiest roads in creation - thes was th' time of Franco min ye, th' dobber wasnae much fur paved roads. Ah hud bin wanderin' aroond Madrid fur thirty minutes looking fur a cludgie when ah mit th' bonnie hen was tae become mah guidwife. Ah didnee ken she was tae become my wife when ah mit 'er, naturally, but that's whit eventually happened."
*Please note, this is an approximation of the Glaswegian accent. In order to be somewhat understandable I've left a lot of the normal English spellings for a lot of words. However, There are a few words I felt it was important to spell as phonetically close to Glaswegian as I could - "tae" is pretty much how "to" is pronounced, "Glesga" is common for "Glasgow" (but so is "Glasgie"). "Fitba" is "Football", and by football I mean soccer. The "Glesga Sellic" are the "Glasgow Celtic", like the Boston Celtics but without the "t".
It took me almost three months of living in Glasgow before I could readily understand what anyone was saying, and I never stopped feeling like I was trapped in a bad Pirate movie. And the really bad part was you could have the very same sentence spoken to you in Partick and a few miles down the road in Tollcross or across the river in Ibrox, and it would be like listening to three different languages.
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