Not being the moody, antisocial type I have no problem sitting down next to a stranger who is staring across the bar with creepy tractor beam eyes at a pleasantly plump brunette and saying, "That won't work man, most women have deflector shields to prevent being picked up by eyeballs alone. You have to actually go over and say hello in order to get the ball rolling."
See, that statement right there, said in jest and just off-kilter enough to be as innocuous a statement as possible, will usually break the conversational ice, giving the creepy stare guy something else to do and most likely bringing a little relief to the woman being stared at.
Not tonight, though, not tonight and not with the guy who was dead set on staring at the aforementioned brunette with those creepy tractor-beam eyes.
All this guy could come up with was, "Why don't you just shut your happy trap?"
He wasn't mean or angry with how he said it either, just stated it in a somewhat blank monotone. I replied, "Sure, but maybe, just maybe, you might want to brush up on your social skills."
He turned and looked right at me, shrunk back a little in reflex and said, "Hey, sorry, thought you were my buddy Chad"
I told him no problem and he went right back to staring at the big brunette. I thought it would be great if his buddy Chad joined him soon and he'd put away his laser death stare.
My friends Mark and Dave showed up a few minutes later and we hung out for about 45 minutes. When we parted company that poor, misguided ape was still staring, but it was at a different woman - the zaftig brunette had left and now it was some business-suit wearing woman he had his eyes zeroed in on.
That's when I got my idea of the night - you know those coasters beer companies provide to bars? They should print proper bar etiquette and behavior tips on them - things like "Don't Stare" and "Introduce yourself and don't be creepy about it."
Couldn't hurt.
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