"Hello Mr. Turner, how are you this afternoon? Far better than you were that one afternoon in November of 1987 when Mrs Darcy had to send you to the principal's office I trust."
Eric Turner froze momentarily and the hairs on the back of his neck stiffened as he looked at a short, slight man with perfect posture, and asked, "Do I know you?"
"No, Mr. Turner, you do not. However, I do know you. I know you very well indeed, and today I am here to talk to you about what I know - specifically about what I know about your lies."
Eric forced himself to sit up. He sat and stared at the almost uncomfortably thin and immaculately dressed stranger who had taken the seat across the table.
He then asked, most succinctly, "What?"
"Your lies Mr. Turner, your lies. The lies that have caused an untold amount of harm. That's what."
"Look, uhm, I have no idea what the hell you are trying to pull here, but I'm certain that you do not know me at all, so why don't you get away from me before I get upset, understand?"
The genial expression on the face of the smartly dressed man did not change in the slightest. "Ah, the thinly veiled threat - I was told that was a favorite of yours. Well, allow me to riposte, Mr. Turner, by making one thing perfectly clear. The job I am here for is one I am most decidedly going to do, with or without your co-operation".
Eric Turner look around the small patio where had been sitting alone just moments ago, and then back to the gentleman who had appeared out of nowhere and had helped himself to a seat.
After a few seconds he answered the uninvited guest.
"What? Look, is this some sort of prank? Who put you up to this? Where's the camera, in that tree? Is your tie-clip a microphone? This has got to be the lamest joke ever."
"This is no joke Mr. Turner, and you are not on a candid camera show. I am here to weigh your lies and that is all there is to it."
The gracious manner with which the man spoke was beginning to make Eric Turner uncomfortable. He looked around the patio once again trying to think of something he could say to the man that would make him leave, then with a resigned shrug simply stated, "Hell, then go for it. What could you possibly know about me, Mister, uhm, whatever your name is?"
"I know most everything about you Mr Turner, and you may call me Mr. Smith if you like, or Mr. Jones, or whatever you chose - it's not really all that important what you call me. What is important is the weight of your lies Mr. Turner, and that is what I am here for - to weigh your lies."
The fastidiously dressed man smiled warmly at Eric Turner. "I realize how preposterous what I am saying may sound to you Mr. Turner. I could present any proof you desire to verify I know what I know. Would you like for me to tell you exactly what you said to Anna Barberini when you broke up with her after she got the abortion in 1998?"
"What? How the hell do you know about Anna and the abortion?! I never told anyone about her - hey, wait a minute, did she put you up to this? No...no, that's impossible, she passed away almost 13 years ago. This is too much, I can't wrap my brain around this."
"As I've stated Mr. Turner, I know what I know, and I have a job to do. The weight of your lies Mr. Turner. We must get started or we'll be here all day."
"What do you mean by the weight of my lies? What lies? When? Do you mean every lie I've ever told? The lies I told my parents to try to get out of trouble when I was a little kid? Or the lies I told them when I was a teenager? The only lies I told them as an adult were solely to keep them from worrying, so those can't possibly count."
The little man adjusted his posture so that he sat up just a little straighter and said nothing, just looked straight into the eyes of Eric Turner.
Eric stammered a little as he picked up where he left off: "Are you talking about the lies on my resume? C'mon, those are exaggerations, everybody does it, they can't mean anything to anybody. What then? Lies I told my friends? Hell, everybody lies to their friends, it's part and parcel of being friends, it's expected. Those lies wash each other out. What lies can you possibly mean?"
The dapper little man simply stared up at Eric, his face calm, almost beatific.
"Geez, this is is insane...do you mean the lies I've told girlfriends or my wife? I haven't lied to my wife in years, and it's been at least a decade since I even was with anyone other than my wife, not since the second or third week after Steph and I started dating. I can't even remember that far back. Would you please stop staring at me and tell me exactly what lies you are referring to?"
"Mr. Turner, none of what you have just mentioned is of any consequence, and is certainly not the reason for my visit with you today. No, Mr. Turner, not one one bit."
Leaning almost imperceptibly forward, the well-dressed man with the calm smile looked directly into Eric Turner's eyes once again and said, "No Mr. Turner, all those other lies were fairly harmless, innocuous if you will. The lies I am here to weigh today are so much more damaging than those you have mentioned...far, far worse."
"The lies I will be weighing for you today are the lies you tell yourself."
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