The irony did not escape the man formerly known as Jonathan Booth for a single second. There he sat, a man who had spent his entire adult life vociferously debunking each and every claim of the existence of an afterlife, heaven or hell, paranormal events, etc., made by anyone in (or out) of his circle of friends or acquaintances, having to deal with what could only be described as the ultimate pulling out of the rug underneath his feet.
He thought about how often he would loudly, almost angrily, state that people who believed in any of that "superstitious tomfoolery" were an insult to the progress mankind had made since the dark ages, and most certainly a serious undermining of the credibility of whomever was making the assertion that there could be anything as preposterous as poltergeists, wraiths, spooks, demons, and so on.
He looked at the papers in his hands once more. He could feel them, they had substance. He leafed through them, back to front and front to back, repeatedly. And he could read them - the printed words were standard English in an agreeable typeface, and the language used was simple and direct - not incomprehensible legalese like most of the fairly important documents he'd ever been given and told to read, initial, and sign.
The paperwork itself was the oddest he'd ever had to read, initial, and sign. Just grasping what he was doing was incredibly odd itself, but having to process documentation of it was beyond the keen.
But read, initial, and sign is exactly what he did with the paperwork required for his new name.
His new name was Phylex Plantindoe Towsuelos Twelve, and the reason he had been bestowed a new name was simply because those in charge of the afterlife (for lack of a better name) had early on realized that having a few thousand souls running around with the name "Mike Smith" or "Jonathan Booth" was not going to work for record keeping purposes, so a new, unique name was issued first thing after a soul showed up at the hereafter.
Thus, amongst the souls that had entered into what he was told was stage 33 of his existence, he was now Phylex Plantindoe Towsuelos Twelve, which he wanted to shorten to P2T2, but he was told there already was a P2T2, so he was going to have to think of something else.
There was a computer database available that he could use to plug in any shortened variation of his new name, and if a shortened version was found that was suitable, it would be registered to him and he would be able to use it.
The clerk who had told him that had also stated (with a slight hint of sarcasm) that it would probably be a waste of time though, as the naming department had been around for billions of years naming billions of souls, so best to just get used to the name he had been issued as it was highly unlikely they would have skipped over anything shorter than Phylex Plantindoe Towsuelos Twelve.
Sitting in the largest building he (and every other being who had experienced it) had ever been in had resulted in an understandable amount of confusion and no small amount if discomfort. There had to be millions of people here, all of them appearing to be just like he did - a vaguely recognizable version of what he once was, in what was referred to as stage 32 of his existence.
However, it wasn't the scale of the building nor the millions of beings inside it with him that was confusing and uncomfortable.
What was confusing and uncomfortable was that he had instantly known where he was and why he was there the second he had made the transition from being behind the wheel of his car plowing through a guardrail and going over a cliff in stage 32 to being in front of a clerk handing him the paperwork for his new name in stage 33.
Apparently, that was part and parcel of making the transition - that knowledge just instantaneously presented itself in one's consciousness.
The clerk who had handed him the paperwork had been extremely friendly and efficient, explaining that, yes, what he was experiencing was actually happening, no point in questioning it, and yes, there was going to be a judgement of sorts handed down to him, but that would happen well after his intake was completed and he had settled into his new stage 33 existence.
So he sat on what he could feel was a solid bench waiting with his new name paperwork in hand. He wasn't certain what he was waiting for, but he had been told that the bench was where he needed to sit and wait.
The feeling that what he was experiencing was too fantastic to believe came and went with a quickness that surprised him. It was in his thoughts and then replaced instantly with the thought that of course it wasn't too fantastic to believe - it was existence as he now knew it, and that was that.
He was beginning to like the way his thought process worked in stage 33. The disbelief or doubt about what was going on being replaced with confident assurance that it was exactly what was supposed to be going on was a relief.
But then he thought that didn't explain why there would be anyone from stage 33 paying visits to people and places back in stage 32 - and instantly his mind was filled with the thought that there was certainly an explanation for that phenomena, and it would be made known to him in due time.
Probably well after he was assigned a residence and given a new wardrobe though - because that was now made known to him as being what he was waiting for, a residence and a wardrobe.
The residence was needed because even in the afterlife one needed a place to rest, and the wardrobe was needed because even in the afterlife one was going to need pockets.
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