The Older You Get, The Smaller The Birthday Cake

 

Here's an ugly truth for you. The older you get, the smaller your birthday cake becomes. It's some weird law of diminishing returns. Used to be there'd be leftover birthday cake for days...now, well, now this will be gone within the next 10 minutes.

What You Have To Do What You Can Do

Not everyone who picks up a pen 

                           Is going to write a best-selling novel

Not everyone who starts working with clay

                           Is going to create a remarkable statue

Not everyone who strums a guitar

                           Will compose a memorable song

Not everyone who works with a brush 

                           Will paint an exceptional picture 

But you have to try 

      You have to use what you have to work with

You have to learn to do the best you can

      You have to accept what nature has granted you

And play and work and study and nurture

      Your gifts are yours, for your enjoyment

A Sunset Beyond

Filling the dusky blue sky with ribbons of magenta

As though a whisk had been dragged over a palette of scarlet

Tinged with the blue of a drunken sailor's patois

Fueled by the distraction of a petulant coquette

Orange and tangerine streaks along the horizon

Entangled like the seagrass that writhes underneath the waves

Brilliant spikes of citrine yellows

Reaching out as if to establish a view

That enchants and beguiles; broken glass 

Silvered as a mirror but without reflection

Treating the mind as well as the eye

Leaving reason and rationale in a sinner's cell

And creating an inexplicable desire to praise

Nature and all it's myriad mystical powers

To bequeath such a sight for all the world to enjoy

When You Live In The Rocky Mountains But You Miss The Life Aquatic

 

New Neighbors In The Old Neighborhood

   When you move into a new neighborhood it takes awhile to settle in and get to know the people you now live among. 

   Before I moved into my home I scouted out the neighborhood thoroughly. Not that I was paranoid or anything, but I wanted to be sure I wasn't moving into a pit of despair, you know, like the neighborhood I grew up in.

   All the residents of the neighborhood seemed to be friendly, and everyone seemed to take quite a bit of pride in their homes - no overgrown jungles sprawling out onto the sidewalks, no rusty old cars in the front yards resting upon cinder blocks, no half-fallen fences or abandoned, boarded up houses. It all looked good on the outside and as luck would have it, everyone of my neighbors turned out to be good on the inside too.

   It's been 25 years since I moved into my house and what's happening now is a changing of the guard, so to speak.

   A lot of those neighbors I have known for years are retiring, and quite a few of those retirees are selling their homes and moving to where retirees move, mainly Florida and Arizona.

   Which means new neighbors are beginning to appear...and so far, all of the new residents seem to be just like the old neighbors - friendly, pet walking (and cleaning up after), lawn-caring-for types that are fitting in seamlessly. 

   We'll just have to see how they feel about the summer block bar-be-ques and parties - hope they're good to go for those.

  

Delightfully Amusing & Refreshingly Revealing

   Every so often I get on a website purporting to be a news service that has more clickbait features than actual current useful news features.

   Which was at one time a source of annoyance for me but somehow has morphed into a source of not only entertainment, but of a refreshing source of reassurance as to hope for the future.

   Yes, yes, that statement begs for an explanation, so I will explain away.

   See, the clickbait features would be annoying due to false advertising of the contents and/or the purpose of the feature. For example, I would read the headline of one of the features, something like, "The Dark Secret That Hollywood Doesn't Want You To Know!" and, my curiosity being what it is, I would click on the feature with the expectation of learning something new and interesting...and get an 18 page story that bombarded my eyes with ads for useless crap just to read on the last page that the dark secret was a rumor of dubious veracity that was probably lifted from one of Kenneth Anger's books and just about anyone with a passing knowledge of the history of Hollywood had known about for years.

  And that was true for a large boatload of features of that ilk; "Twenty Historical Facts That Were Swept Under The Rug", "Ten Forgotten Financial Scandals That Shocked The World," "32 Facts About The Space Program The Government Doesn't Want You To Know," and so on and so on...all of which would reveal themselves (eventually) to be well-documented, well known, not shocking or secret stuff that was pretty much a waste of my time to read.

   So, you know, very disappointing and very annoying.

   And, yeah, it was my own damn fault for continuing to click on the clickbait features after the first one proved to be a waste of time, but dagnabbit, it is very difficult for me to resist minutiae and/or trivia..it's like heroin to me. 

   Then one day a thought hit me...that, while these little clickbait features were definitely annoying, they were also a little bit of an interesting insight into the world and minds of the very young internet users and content creators.

   That insight being that there is a lot of information out there that is not well-known to millions of younger people, and that these same younger people are curious about the past, and that these same young people are willing to do the research to discover new (to them) and exciting (to them) information about things they are curious about, whether it's the history of entertainment, politics, inventions, literature, social mores, etc., etc.

   So that, when it finally sank in, changed how I looked and read the clickbait features - cause I still look at and read them despite how much I really don't want to...resistance is futile.

   Now when I click on one of those features I go into it with a different approach, something akin to a "Now let's see what the those crazy young whippersnappers have learned today" attitude, which usually results in me finishing the read with an more satisfying "Wow, someone still cares to delve in the history of...whatever, that's cool."

   Which is way better than my old attitude of "What moron doesn't know that, what a waste of my time!"

  Or at least it's a better excuse for me to use for wasting my time, in any event.

  So, all you clickbait content creators, keep on keeping on with sharing your new discoveries, but please, try to limit your condemnation of previous generations missteps and triple-check your sources.

   

Thousands Of Every So Often Chances

I take a lot of photographs with my phone

On the off chance that I might get one

Just one

Exquisite picture

It's happened once or twice

Going To Ride An Electric Scooter Down Kipling Avenue

 

Got to assume that riding an electric scooter on public streets is legal in Lakewood, as the two police cruisers that were passed by this scooter rider (one stopped at the light at Alameda just one car to the left of the rider, and one that was driving in the southbound lanes) did nada to curtail the riders activities.

Maybe they thought it was cute.

All Those Older People Were Right...At Least About This One Thing

"It goes by so fast"

You hear it when you're younger, from so many different sources...maybe you read it in a biography, hear it spoken as a line in a show, or maybe even being said to you by a parent or grandparent or teacher or coach.

"It" being life.

For me, the first I can recall the confusing speed of life being mentioned as an immutable fact of life and carrying any weight at all was the first time I read Vonnegut's Slaughter House Five. Billy Pilgrim's predicament and how he learns to accept it - time itself not being the problem but our perspective of events and how we react to them is - that sparked a little something inside me, made me actually ponder the limits of a lifespan and what to do with the moments at hand.

But of course me being easily distracted (squirrel!), I would go on from contemplation of that and it being significant, to forgetting it entirely for months, sometimes years at a span.

The thing is (as I gather most people grow to realise) that it's not until you go through whatever cycle you have to go through, be it pleasant or otherwise, that you realise that's all you get for and from those moments.

A lot of people I know that came of age during the '80's, or caught up with those who came of age during the '80's by immersing themselves in that decades music or literature or cinema - especially the cinema - have embraced the words written by the late John Hughes that the cavelier character of Ferris Bueller (portrayed marvelously by Matthew Broderick) states at the end of the film; you know it, the simple but poignant "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it." adage.

You hear it or read it or think it so many times for years on end until finally the day comes when you do indeed stop and look around and say to yourself, "damn, that was a quick sixty years (or whatever number you are currently experiencing).

And then you say, as everyone does as if it's programed in our universal mind, "Where did the time go?'

Nothing Announces Spring Is Here In Colorado Like A Little April Snow

   Spring has sprung here in Colorado - just 4 days ago it was 85 degrees and cloud free skies, today...well today was a bit different.

   About 6 to 8 inches of snow different. Of course, that will all be melted away by Monday, Tuesday at the latest.

How It Began

Born with an old wooden spoon in my mouth 

Been picking splinters out of my tongue ever since

Lonesome Is As Lonesome Does

 He had a headache and he wanted everyone to go away

That headache lasted for near on five years

Enough time for everyone he wanted to be gone

To be gone

And now he sits in the old beat-up arm chair

That he put out on the patio in the back yard

Wondering why no one ever comes around anymore

Not even the dog

The Stoney Shirt Is A Nice Touch

 

The Artists' Complication

Standing there with a brush in his hand

Has no idea what he's going to do, hasn't got a plan

Just knows he has to create, has to get something out

Something that might be put up on a wall

Or something that might end up in a garbage can

In the end it isn't his concern if it's something 

                                                       That will be admired

Or if it's something that is reviled, possibly despised

He simply must create

                          That is the curse that compels the drive

How's My Driving?

 

The Lady & The Rogue & The Officers

   The two beat cops both stared in amazement as the tall, well-dressed but still appearing disheveled man grabbed the equally well-dressed woman by her right arm and started to pull her towards a large, expensive coupe parked near the curb.

   The woman frantically pushed at the man trying to break free from his grasp, an obvious look of fear on her face.

   Instinctively both officers ran towards the altercation, the larger of the two shouting towards the man and woman in a loud, authoritarian voice, "Stop where you are and take your hands off that woman!"

   The man froze in his tracks and did exactly as the officer instructed, releasing his grip on the woman's arm and then turning to the now slowed-to-a-fast-walk officers.

   In a clipped almost impetuous tone and with a very distinct accent, the man stated calmly if not coldly, "Officers, I can appreciate your interest in what you may perceive to be a domestic disturbance, but I assure you it is not. I am a citizen of D'shanistan and if you do not turn and walk away I will demand to see my representative at the D'shanistan embassy."

   "Sir," the shorter of the two officers replied with what appeared to be a suppressed smile, "as a visitor to the United States you are required to comply with and follow the laws just like everybody else. I'm going to need to see your identification."

   The man pulled at the sides of his suit jacket as if to make himself look more prominent. "Officer, you are obviously not fully aware of the protocols regarding how the staff of a foreign consulate are to be treated. I demand to speak with your superior at once!"

   As the man was talking to the officers the woman he had grabbed was slowly backing away from the curb and maneuvering herself so that the two police officers were between her and the man.

   The two officers looked at the man for a moment, then the smaller of the two asked, "Are you a diplomat sir? Or are you an employee of the embassy of D'shanistan?" In either case, we will need to see your identification."

   The man stood quietly while staring at the officers. he glanced toward the woman who now stood at least 15 feet behind them, near the entrance to the hotel that she and the man had just left.

    "As a citizen of D'shanistan I am not required to show you anything. I am demanding that you either allow me to leave with that woman or else call your superior immediately." The man's face began to redden slightly as he spoke.

   "Excuse me for one moment" the smaller of the two officers said. He then turned and walked back to the patrol car parked fifty feet away. 

   Opening the door he reached inside the car and picked up the console mounted radio, then requested to be patched through to the Captain on duty at the station.

   The Captain, a man with twenty-four years on the force, was on the radio quicker than the officer expected. "What's the situation Kincaid, are you in need of assistance?"

   Officer Kincaid quickly filled the Captain in on the situation. With a small laugh he added, "This is just like one of those old movies about American tourists in Europe getting in trouble and demanding to be taken to the U.S. embassy, except in reverse. Kinda funny."

   The Captain replied without hesitation, "Well, it's not funny if that guy is actually a diplomat. I'm going to call the D'shanistan embassy and see if I can get someone to clarify if one of their people is staying at that hotel. Stall the guy for a few minutes longer."

   Officer Kincaid walked back slowly to his partner and the man, staring into a small flip book as if he was reading something pertinent to the situation.

   "Sir, I have contacted my superior and he has directed me to ascertain your identity, so I am going to have to request to see your identification once again."

   The man stewed. He turned to look behind him at the large, expensive coupe and then turned back towards the officers and slowly spoke to them as if they were school children. "You do not know who I am, so what good would showing you my identification be? You do not realise who you are insulting at this very moment."

   "Sir" the larger of the two officers stated with more contempt than civility, "If it is important to you that we know who you are than showing us your identification will go a long way toward resolving that issue."

   As he spoke the radio on his partners belt began to crackle. Officer Kincaid turned and walked out of hearing of the man in order to take the call.

   "Kincaid," the Captain spoke. "I was able to contact the embassy. They accounted for all of their embassy personnel and do not know who the man you have made contact with is. If you and Thompson witnessed him physically manhandling a woman, I suggest you bring him in".

   "Roger that Captain. We'll see you in about 15 minutes. Maybe he'll tell you who he is".

   Kincaid silently signaled to Thompson to initiate arrest procedure. 

   Thompson, took his handcuffs out and asked the man to turn around and place his hands on the roof of the large, expensive coupe. The man appeared stunned and momentarily looked as if he was going to fight the officer, but just as quickly became compliant and turned toward the car.

   Thompson took one of the man's wrist and encircled it with one of the steel cuffs, then repeated the process with the other wrist, all the while reciting the Miranda rights to him. 

   The woman who had just minutes ago was being dragged towards the car looked on at the scene of the arrest.

   And she smiled.

 

 

Reveling In The Ignorance

 It's been a long time since I felt like I needed

To search for anything

In fact, I can't remember the last time I felt

That I needed to know the meaning of life

Or the meaning of anything, really, for that matter

I can't remember the last time I had the thought

That finding something that would make sense of everything

Was important

I can't remember the last time I had the thought

That it really, really mattered that I figured it all out

Nowadays I'm content not knowing 

Content not wanting to know

I guess it's true what they say

Ignorance is bliss

The Most Preposterous Conspiracy Theory...So Far

There I was just minding my own business at the gym when a guy I recognized but didn't really know came over and sat down on the bench right next to the one I was using.

"Hey", he said, in a manner that suggested an invitation to conversation, desired or not. "What do you think of the action on Wall Street yesterday?"

I turned to him and shrugged my shoulders and said, "Well, you know what they say, millions are made by people who buy when the blood is running in the streets."

He chuckled a little and said, "Yeah, I've heard that, don't know if that's true or not because I don't have the money to gamble like that, but what do you think about how the Chinese are bringing down the value of Tesla stock?"

I took a few seconds to reply to that because I really had no idea what he was talking about and my eventual reply was just that: "What are you talking about?"

"The Chinese man, the Chinese government, they've spent the past three years working to bring down Musk and it looks like their plan is working. It's so they can corner the electric car market worldwide."

Though I didn't want to be drawn into the conversation I said, "Can't say I've heard anything like that at all - where did you pick up that info?" 

He raised his eyebrows as if it was a shock that I had not heard about the nefarious doings of the Chinese government and then he said, "Yeah, a lot of people haven't heard about it because there is a huge cover-up going on - the Chinese and Korean hackers attack any websites that mention it and have targeted just about every individual social media user who has posted anything at all about it. Some of my friends have been hacked man, so I know it's happening."

I looked at him and with just a touch of skepticism asked, "Have you yourself posted anything about it on Facebook or whatever and then been hacked?"

His reply was something like, "Oh hell no man, I'm not stupid enough to post anything that's going to get me targeted. Only way I'll discuss it is person-to-person, you know, with people I can trust"

"Well thanks for telling me, appreciate that. I'll have to look into it." I said this as I got up off the bench to head over to another station.

"Be careful buddy, this thing is real, don't treat it like a joke - it's real real." He said that with an uncomfortable amount of seriousness as he walked away.

So, here it is, my lazy research into the Elon Musk is being targeted by the Chinese government conspiracy dealio - I'm writing this and posting it to see if I get hacked.

Should be a fun wait.

I'll let you know how it turns out.

Lakewood Museum Of Discarded Art - The Winterscapes Retrospective

   Just an FYI, the Lakewood Museum of Discarded Art is a semi-regular posting I create to showcase the wide variety of artwork I stumble across at garage sales, thrift stores, church bazaars and other places that deal in original artworks that have been discarded by people who either have grown to dislike them or have always dislike them but are just now getting rid of them.

   Some of these pieces are quite good and some are not. Evaluating art is very subjective and has lead to many an argument, so I'll just post these pics and stand back.