Happy Birthday, Now Get Out And Make Yourself A Life

Apparently, being able to vote in the next election is not that exciting

   The driver of the vehicle above has reached the age of majority and has listed all the wonderful things he or she is now going to be able to do.

   Not listed: Vote, secure credit in one's own name, sign a binding contract, be legally an adult in the eyes of the law, have to register for selective service (just 18-year old males - women still get a free pass on that), not needing to ask permission to do just about anything, live where you chose to, buy a firearm, sit on a jury, be sued, leave the country unimpeded (if you have a passport and the necessary visas...) and buy your very own property.

   Of all those wonderful new privileges and responsibilities, I'd say being able to vote was the biggest thrill for me when I turned 18. In retrospect, I wish I had been a bit more excited about acquiring property.

But Without The Crazy Sound Of The Fuzz Guitar, What Have You Got?

 

Ode To Refrigerators, Past & Present

Near fifteen years ago it arrived

Carried in by stout ham-fisted men

Doors of gleaming stainless steel side by side

A maker of ice built into one of them

25 square cubic feet of storage

For items to be kept chilled or even frozen

Milk and deli meats, maybe left-over porridge

Butter and custard and sweet creams ambrosian

For days on end it hummed along quietly

Performing it's simple task without complaint

Until one dark night came sounds of dubiety

Finally a last gasp as if from a martyred saint

Repair was considered but not for long

As 'tis was the season for after Christmas sales

A 27 square footer could be bought for a song

With features that new technology avails

With well-rehearsed spiel the clerk delighted

In expounding on the merits of the latest device

She even showed samples that got us excited

Of the crushed, cubed and yes, round craft ice

It will be delivered next Wednesday.

Why Bother To Ask If You're Going To Ignore The Answer

   There comes a time in one's life when the thought of acquiring anymore stuff not only seems impractical, it nearly makes one nauseous.

   The fact that the timing of those thoughts coincides with the Christmas holidays is most likely just coincidental.

   The coincidental timing, however, does make it difficult to answer the question, "What do you want for Christmas?"

   Then, because your intensely clear reply of "nothing" to each and everyone of those questions has been roundly ignored, you end up getting a lot more stuff on Christmas.

   And none of that stuff is ever a 1969 Boss 429 Ford Mustang, which was your alternate answer to everyone who followed up your nothing response with, "No, really, you must want something."

On The Other Hand You Get To Catch Up On All Those Shows Stored On The DVR

Know what's worse than having to deal with a whiny sick person over the holidays?

Being the whiny sick guy.

Cough, Cough, Cough *HACK!*

    Having a bad cough these days is painful - and not just the pain in the chest and/or ribs caused by the involuntary action of coughing, but the pain of embarrassment caused by everyone around you staring as you cough.

   For the sole reason that you're coughing. Loudly. In public.

    As if you're patient zero of a new pandemic.

    Coughing in public now requires an abrupt snap of your head into the nook of one of your arms bent at the elbow, and an elaborate set of twisting, turning convolutions so that your cough is not directed anywhere near other humans.

   Which, maybe, should have always been the coughing protocol - might have avoided a lot of the mess of the past four years.

   But that's a moot point, and I have to go find a box of surgical masks.

It's The Somersaulting Reindeer That Makes The Display Happen

                           Down the street a few blocks, great combination of inflatables and lights
 

En Espérant Passer Un Mauvais Moment Mémorable Dans La Ville Lumière

Every time I've been in Paris

Be it for a weekend or for a week

It's been sunny - clear, cloudless skies 

Not one drop of rain

So I've never known the joy

Of slogging through that city 

While a storm howled through it

Ripping my umbrella from my hands

As the dirty little streets became

Muddy tributaries that emptied into the Seine

Each and every time I've been in Paris

The people have been fairly nice

And graciously patient

As I slaughtered their language asking for directions

Or tried to explain I didn't like cold seafood

And not once have I met

A breathtakingly beautiful French woman

Who proceeded to dangle my heart from the Eiffel tower

Like a crippled marionette

Femme fatale my ass

So, you no doubt can imagine my disappointment

And understand fully why

I'll be taking my tourist dollars elsewhere

Maybe I'll try my luck in Bratislava

The Anarchy Of Diffraction

 Feelin' like a truck just clipped you in the hip

Can't get the thoughts to slow down, even a bit

There's snow outside on the ground

And you're sure they'll all come around

If only you could make some sense of it

But the bellwether has left you in the dust

Left you out on the prairie to rust 

                                               In the rain

Just like your mother told you would happen

If you didn't pay attention and apply yourself in school

But she didn't have the means to control your actions

When there's no father at home to enforce the rules

It's easy to become everybody's fool

So you turn on the stereo

Listen to Lydon, circa 1986

You know the one, with the names reflecting the media used

                                                                              Rise is still relevant

And you tap along to the driving bass line, Laswell at his best

And even the violin sounds distressed

Hoping that the distraction will be enough

To help you get through the treacherous rough

Ease the physical aches

Put an end to the persistent psychosis  

That clouds the Doctor's diagnosis

May the road rise with you, indeed

 

 

The Great Pueblo Flood

         Multi-story mural seen along Main St & 2nd in Pueblo, Colorado - signed Refic Strescino 2013

   Pueblo, Colorado is approx. 110 miles south of Denver, and is in an odd area geographically. It is situated at the confluence of the Arkansas river and Fountain creek in a region referred to as the Banana Belt of Colorado, which is a bit warmer and drier than the majority of the state, and gets very little precipitation of any kind - approx. 12 inches of rain & snow combined annually.

   Which makes the fact that there was a huge flood in 1921 that nearly wiped out the entire town quite an exceptional freak occurrence.

   The mural above looks like an exaggeration of the event's scale & scope, but from what the Southern Colorado Heritage Museum has on record, it is not.

   The horse stuck in the tree was not a real horse - it was a life sized papier mache horse, and it was found stuck way up in a tree 15 miles east of where it was originally located, R.T. Frazier's Saddle Shop, which was in the building that the mural was painted on until 1958. 

   When the papier mache horse was found (after the floodwaters had subsided), the only noticeable damage was to the horse's ears. That damage was repaired by Kittie Frazier, R.T.'s wife. 

   The horse was put back into service as a display model for saddles and other tack after the repairs were completed. When the Frazier's shut down their store, Fred McConnell bought the horse and featured it in his store, Mack's Saddlery. A fire destroyed the building housing Mack's Saddlery in 1989, and the papier mache horse survived that, too.

   The horse can currently be see at the Southern Colorado Heritage Museum in Pueblo. The name of the horse? Lucky, of course.

Oh No! There Goes Tokyo

 

The Bright, Twinkling Tunnels Of Christmas Cheer

 

One of the many tunnels of light at the Colorful Christmas event in the Water World parking lot

   The origins of these particular Christmas holiday decorations seem to be lost to the passage of time - or at least to the amount of time I'm willing to spend on the internet searching for their origins.

    Someone, somewhere, at some time in the fairly recent past got the idea that making a skeletal tunnel out of a long row of connected arches and then stringing strands of Christmas lights along the arches and the braces that provide structural integrity for the tunnel's length would be a great way to decorate for the Christmas holidays.

    By "fairly recent" I'm thinking sometime after National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation was filmed, which was in 1989. If the Christmas holiday tunnel of lights had been around when that movie was filmed, I'm fairly certain the set designers would have included a Christmas holiday tunnel of lights in Clark Griswold's front yard or maybe his driveway.

    So, sometime in the past 34 years the idea of festooning a skeletal tunnel with Christmas lights as a holiday decoration came into being.

   And now they are everywhere, in holiday displays large and small.

   So here's to you, anonymous originator of the Christmas tunnel of lights display, you created what has become a world-wide phenomenon.

   Large municipal and commercial displays can now be seen just about everywhere Christmas is celebrated on the planet. From the Longwood Gardens Holiday Lights display in Kennett Square, Pennsylvania to the Winterfest in Costa Mesa, California (Southern California's largest winter carnival...in a land of no discernable winter), to the Norwich Christmas lights in Norwalk, England (the Tunnel of Light on Hay Hill) to Charleston's (in Cornwall, UK) claimed and famed longest indoor tunnel of lights (with approx. five miles of lights - that's a lot of lights).

   Christmas tunnels of light can be seen in London, Munich, Paris, Brazil...even in Red Square, Moscow. 

   Heck, there are at least 12 municipal or commercial tunnel of lights displays within twenty minutes of my house.

   There are also several smaller, front yard-sized tunnels of light in front of several homes in the neighborhood (most of these appear to be store bought - kits are now readily available at several stores and online retailers).

   If you want to build your own tunnel of lights (and who doesn't?), there are plenty of online resources for those who are so inclined, such as https://www.mymydiy.com/diy-christmas-light-tunnel-archway-plans/ or https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEW106rkXXc.

   As for me, I'm going to just stick with the single strand of LED bulbs that grace the eaves of the roof in front of the house. Those and maybe the candy cane lights up the walkway.

Tail-Wagging, Barking, & Biting

 Trouble is as trouble does

When you're an adorable puppy surrounded by what recently was

Inside an expensive little squeaky toy

That the pet store clerk swore 

Could withstand anything short of a lumberjack's chainsaw

The Little Voice Telling You No

Those arguments inside your head

Between the parts of you that differ in opinion

About whether or not you should take a chance

On singing a song out loud, doing a little dance

Maybe just the once you should let the fun guys win

Passing The Torch To Light The Latest & Greatest Fuse Yet

 At this point in time there may be someone, somewhere, sitting on the next big powder keg of controversy.

Will it be something along the lines of medical research that reveals chewing gum causes nonconformity in field mice? Will it be a geopolitical disagreement that results in a new and even more exciting twist in the commonality of mankind's ever-present need to be angry and outraged to cause enough dissension in the gun-chewing communities of the world to beget an upsurge in used-gum deposits on the sidewalks of major cities? Will it be a sudden change in the attitudes of artists and entertainers regarding the size of the average stick of chewing gum which will bring about a sea change in not only the packaging design but also the size of display racks used for chewing gum in retail outlets everywhere?

The tension is almost unbearable.

When You Begin To Give Up With The Big Question And Sit Back & Truly Realize That Just Being Part Of It All Is Enough

 

No Zen In That Maintenance

Generally speaking one doesn't want to drive around with a flat until the tire wears off the rim. Just not considered a good thing to do.

 

Waitaminute, I've Seen This Movie...

Verbal Kint: That guy is tense. Tension is a killer.
 

Sophia Who Walked Around The Reservoir While Mumbling Disconnectedly

 She walked around reciting song lyrics like poetry as if they could shield her from the reality of her broken dreams being her own damn fault and allow her to forget the choices she consciously made regarding whether or not she should stay in the best relationship she had ever known or if she should gamble again on the next one being with someone who would get her better than this one even though this ones gotten her better than any of the others ever got her and she keeps repeating the bridge of a catchy pop ditty she remembered from her childhood as if the power of repetition would transfer the change in the pace of that tune to the change she wanted in the pace of her life. 

Gratitude Day In The USA, 2023

 

                                         Lakewood Inflatable Turkey Thanksgiving Yard Art Grand Champion

Thanksgiving, 2023. Here in the states we set aside the last Thursday in November to sit down with family & friends and let the gratitude fly.

No, seriously, each and everyone of us, that's what we do.

And eat.

And watch football. American football, not that footy stuff.

Not necessarily in that order.

Leashed In By An Imaginary Past

There never were any good ol' days

For the people who were busy tryin' to survive back then

You've romanticized a period and made it your ideal

But brother I'm here to tell you the world has always been hell

Delivery Van For The Win

 

Victor Needs A Puppy

Dude, you need a puppy

One that'll never stop wagging its tail

Chew the laces on your shoes when you're sittin' down

Make it hard for you to mope, take away that frown

I know life's thrown you a few fast and inside

Knocked you on your ass when you thought you had a ride

You're just going to have to dress your wounds and your pride

Rain falls on everyone gotta learn to take it in stride

Yeah, get yourself a puppy

Happy little stinker who just wants to play

Take you outta your self-indulgent misery and isolation

Make you smile like a kid on the first day of summer vacation

Observing An Unrepentant Meth-Head Through A Crystal-Clear Lens

You get up

And all you want to do 

Is find a way to get some

Not feeling greedy, don't need the whole bag

Just a rail or two

Enough to get you through

Another bullshit day

Without having to feel it

Don't want to get cleaned up

Don't want to get a job

Just want to find some

Gotta have some

Then maybe you will be able to do something

That will help you score even more

Into The Realm Of The Unbearable Unmentionable

    Alanna looked out on the grass-covered plain. It was high summer, and with the exception of the green splotches of tree-tops that popped up along the banks of the small river as it bisected the tableau north to south, the only colors she saw were the blue of the sky and the golden brown of the prairie grass.

   She turned slowly as she scanned the horizon, wondering how far she would have to walk to get to the largest group of trees she could see. Judging the height of the small rise she stood on to be 3 meters above the mean level of the terrain and knowing that her eye-level height was 1.45 meters, she estimated the horizon to be a little over 5 kilometers away. If the tallest of the trees were 12 meters, then she had a 13k walk ahead of her, at the least.

   There were no visible paths ahead of her, manmade or animal. She wondered how long it had been since a creature of any sort had stood where she stood, or had gazed out on the distant western horizon. 

   With a shrug she bent down and picked up her rucksack, slinging it across her left shoulder in one well-practiced motion. She started toward the most prominent of the green splotches in her field of view at a brisk pace, the tall grass brushing her legs just above the knees.

   She poked and jabbed with her hiking staff at the ground in front of her as she walked, both to give any small animals that might be in her path a chance to scurry away and also to ensure she didn't step into any unseen holes or ruts, especially not into a possible animal den. Experience was a mother of a teacher for that one.

   Alanna had been working her way west/southwest since the last week of May, and knew she had been extremely fortunate not to have encountered many difficulties. There were still a number of maintained roads in the east, even though there were no longer any motorized vehicles. Various human-powered vehicles did use them, and though most settlements only numbered 1,000 or fewer inhabitants, the people who lived in or around them seemed to take an immense amount of pride in keeping the roads serviceable.

   Everyday she had been training for her mission she had been told what to expect along the way. For over a year she had been taught how to find fresh water sources, how to hunt small game, which plants were edible, and how to doctor any injuries she might suffer. 

   Of course, great emphasis had been placed on how to deal with the dreaded Bandits that roamed the open prairie, the most oft-repeated advice being "Avoid them if at all possible".

   The Bandits were legendary, but not mythical. They did exist, and like everyone else in the community she had been reared in she had been told stories, some plausible, some not so much. For the most part she regarded the stories as fairytales, meant to impart lessons or serve as instructional parables but with very little basis in reality.

   For the first few days that she was on the road she had recounted to herself the Bandit stories she had been told, mostly out of boredom but also to help her prepare for the eventuality of encountering them. She was determined to complete her mission within the allotted time frame, and being slowed down or incapacitated by Bandits was not something she wanted to deal with.

   Now, months after she got underway, her daily thoughts rarely focused on anything other than finding food and shelter. The food and shelter that was almost always readily available at the smaller villages that she had visited during the first few weeks of her westward trek had dissipated after she had crossed the small range of mountains that divided civilization from the wild.

   The mission she was on was the same mission that 134 others before her had undertaken. Find out if there were others out there or if the settlements of the east were all that was left. 

   Alanna knew that of the 134 others that had gone before her, only two had ever returned, and those two had not entirely completed the mission. Both of them had turned back after facing what they had determined to be insurmountable obstacles - Seline the 73rd who turned back after encountering endless months and miles of continuous snowstorms, and Lynn the 102nd who showed up two years after she had left with a one-year old she said was the result of a Bandit encounter. 

   The sun was blazing in the cloudless sky as Alanna trod on. She was now 9 kilometers further southwest than when she started and it was time for a rest. She was looking about for something she might be able to sit on when something caught her attention.

   She was suddenly acutely aware of her entire surroundings - every noise, every movement, even the slightest differences in the smells around her. Most of all though, her vision was focused keenly on what she saw in the distance ahead of her.

   A slim column of smoke that was coming from a campfire.

    

The Minutes Ticking Down

 

Veterans Day 2023 - Veterans Memorial Off I-80 In Western Nebraska

 

Do Yourself A Favor Get Yourself A Spine

Larry was very upset, more than he usually was

Terry asked him who pissed in his cereal that morning

Larry said its more serious than such ordinary pshaws

Worse than that said Terry, pray tell, what could it be

It's the worse thing you could possibly imagine, Larry said

You see I discovered that a person I like, does not like me

In the name of Zeus and for the love of Baal, stated Terry

Not to be crude Larry, but pull your head out of your ass

The world is full of people who are not going to like you

You just have to learn to let those things pass

Oh Terry, said Larry, you don't understand

This person is so cool, good looking and exciting 

I cannot comprehend why they would dismiss me out of hand

Who knows why people think what they think, Terry submitted

Look at me Larry, and listen carefully to what I'm saying

How they feel about you does not mean you're misfitted

Larry looked at Terry, sad and forlorn

What did I do wrong, what could the reason be?

Is in my hair or my teeth or the color of my skin?

Is my clothes or my shoes or my scraggly goatee?

It does not matter Terry proclaimed, showing a little frustration

What reason that person has for not choosing to like you

Your worthiness does not depend upon their discrimination

They may be someone you believe to be worthy of your praise

But bear in mind that simply because they don't feel the same

Does not mean that you have to turn yourself inside out and sideways

Sulking like a dog denied a game of fetch

Larry continued to complain, grouse and whine

Terry looked upon his friend with sorrow and despair

Thinking he'd slap some sense into him if it wasn't a crime

Larry, Terry stated, with a strong hint of finality

You can't continue desiring friendship from someone who pushes you away

Trying to do so is contorting reality into fantasy

Wishing someone would like you is the fate of the damned

You'll twist in the wind like they had you dangling by a thread 

On a road paved with lonely desperation, regrets, and bad clams

Don't dwell on why they don't want to bask in your presence

Its everyone's right and you shouldn't begrudge

What people think of you is really none of your business

Unless it's your Doctor, a potential employer, or a hanging Judge

The Great Mrs-Claus-Has-Flown-Off-To-Vegas Chase

    Not being able to get to the gym first thing in the morning is a major pain, at least it is in my misbegotten corner of the world. 

   See, the earlier one gets to the gym, the more readily available (and clean) the equipment is. The later one gets to the gym...well, you have to wait to use just about anything, and you should have a few antiseptic wipes at the ready.

   Today I got to the gym much later than I prefer, but as it was an aerobic exercise day I wasn't too concerned about being able to secure the use of one of the 100 or so strider/glider/skier/elliptical treadmill dealios - there always seem to be a few of those available.

   Such was not the case today. When I walked over to the aerobic machine area I discovered that all the aerobics machines were being used.

   So I did the only thing a reasonable person could do in such a situation - I stood off to the side of the rows of aerobic machines to wait for one to become available and started watching one of the big screens that hang in front of each row of the elliptical-treadmill strider/glider/skier dealios .

   Which didn't take long. I barely had time to watch Bob Ross start adding a few clouds to a bright blue sky when one of the machines became free. After I wiped down the handles of the cross-country skiing simulator I jumped on, punched in my desired program and time (weight loss, 30 min.) and got to it.

   About working up to a comfortable pace I once again turned my attention to the bank of big screen televisions hanging right in front of me. There were news programs on the TV's to my immediate left and right, but on the television directly in front of me there was a movie playing...a Christmas movie...a Lifetime Channel Christmas movie.

   And, as the gym has been kind enough to ensure that every television is set up with closed captioning, I was able to quickly determine that this particular Lifetime Christmas movie was going to be particularly sappy.

   As short a summary as I can provide: Mrs. Claus  is suffering from hurt feelings because Mr. Claus no longer pays attention to her like he used to, so she decides to go to Las Vegas to seek a bit of attention. Mr. Claus finds out about her plans and gives chase, with a mischievous elf tagging along to provide assistance.

   Now, I'm about 5 minutes into my workout before Mrs. Claus actually pops up on the screen and to my complete amazement she was being played by Mira Sorvino.

   Yeah, that Mira Sorvino, Mighty Aphrodite and Marilyn Monroe Mira Sorvino. Graduated from Harvard with honors Mira Sorvino.

   Still looking drop dead gorgeous Mira Sorvino.

   Being as how I was going to be on the machine another 25 minutes, I started to pay more attention to the movie (and not just because Mira Sorvino was in it). 

   It pretty much played out as a predictable, syrupy, cornbally, fish-out-of-watery rom-com. As much as a Christmas rom-com featuring Santa and an elf chasing around Las Vegas in search of Mrs. Claus could possibly be - but it was also something I didn't quite expect. 

   An entertaining distraction. 

   I spent twenty more minutes on the cross-country skiing simulator than I had planned to, and only got off the thing when I noticed there were other people waiting to use the machine and I had been on it far past the prescribed 30 minutes during peak hours limit.

   After I freed up the cross-country skiing simulator I made my way out of the gym and back home ASAP, in the hopes that I would be able to catch the end of the movie.

   No such luck. The movie had ended before I could get home.

   Now I have to hope it'll be replayed again soon. I'll set the DVR if necessary, but I gotta see how it ends.  

   

   

   

Winter's Knocking

When its gloomy out and the cold wind blows

Your ears freeze and so does your nose 

Which is pretty painful but not the worst

If you consider the other parts that could be similarly cursed

Fact is, there are many other pains that nature could impose

When its gloomy out and the cold wind blows

For Someone, Somewhere, It's A Count Your Lucky Stars Sunday

 

The Glorious Result Of A Misspent Week

   She walked into his small Real Estate office with unmistakable intent, wearing what looked to him like a pair of Earth shoes from the 1970's and a loose fitting sundress that failed miserably at concealing that she was either still keeping herself fit or had been paying medical professionals for the upkeep.

 

   Sunglasses and a large floppy hat partially concealed her appearance but it was readily apparent she was an attractive older woman - and by older he of course meant at least his age. Dark red curls cascaded down from under the hat, framing her slightly rounded face.

   Carter turned fully in his seat to watch her strut right up to his desk.

   "You haven't changed much," she said rather perfunctorily, "Except for the loss of your hair and a few extra pounds."

   She removed her sunglasses and hat, placing both on his desk. He stared, at a loss to recall who she could possibly be, and scrutinized her face for something that would clue him in.

   "You don't recognize me, Carter? That is something of an insult. Think back to a couple of days you spent in Reno with a cute young blonde, that should ring a bell."

   His face indicated clearly that it didn't.

   "Seriously? How many times have you spent a couple of days in Reno with a cute young blonde who banged you into complete exhaustion?"

   She pulled a small upholstered chair over and sat down in front of him, putting both of her arms on the desk and then resting her chin on her interlocked hands.

   With a little hesitation he replied, "Reno? It's been four states and as many decades since I've been in Reno, and a completely different frame of mind. You're going to have to give me more to work with than that."

   She smirked a half smile and said, "Carter Bennett, you celebrated your 59th birthday a week ago today, and a week ago 37 years ago you celebrated your 22nd birthday in Reno with a young blonde girl named Fiona Buchanan. That jar anything loose?"

   "Noooo..." Carter drew the reply out slowly and continued to scrutinize her face. "I remember bits of the week I spent in Reno for my 22nd birthday. Yeah. Me, Ramos, Tornillo and Wilson. We spent six days drinking, gambling, clubbing...generally having a good time. Don't think I slept more than two hours in a row the entire time we were there."

   She pulled her head away from her folded hands and said, "Oh, you slept for at least 5 or 6 hours in a row at one point, of that I can assure you. It might have even been longer, but I wouldn't know for sure because I was still sleeping when you left my room."

   "You were the cute young blonde?" Carter asked. "Was the blonde the dye job or is this dark red a dye job?" 

    "Now you're catching what I'm dropping. I was the cute young blonde, and so were you, though you were a natural blonde, and as you discovered that evening, I was not."

   "Fiona is it? Wow, I'd think I'd remember that name and thus you - I do not recall ever knowing a Fiona."

    "Most assuredly you have Carter, in every sense of the word, known a Fiona."

    She gazed at him in a subdued yet slightly affectionate manner. "It's taken me a few years to find you, despite the wonders of the internet - you have lived quite an adventurous life, took a very long time to trace your movements - you practically disappeared from the face of the Earth for half of your thirties, and tracing your year-long sojourn in South America and subsequent residence on the island of Guadalupe was a task that would have challenged Sherlock Holmes."

  

    Carter cleared his throat and for the first time noticed the unusual color of her eyes. Kelly green with a touch of hazel was all he managed to come up with.

    "I gave up actively trying to find you for about three years - just after my 55th birthday, when I thought it was a dead end. Then my life circumstances changed and I started digging on the internet again and discovered you had returned to the states and set up shop here in little ol' Greenville, not even an hours drive from my home. I almost fell off my chair when I realized how close we lived to each other." 

    "Uhm, okaayyy...this is getting a little weird. Odd that I can remember the majority of that week, and what I remember was spending nearly all my time with three guys I'm still friends with...three guys who have never mentioned once that I spent time then with a cute young blonde - not once over the past 37 years."

   "Not a surprise to me as when we met at that Casino in Reno you told me you were there with three friends to celebrate your birthday, but that you had all split up to, in as nearly as I can remember you put it back then, 'chase some tail solo'."

   A faint ember of recognition began to glow in the back of Carter's mind.

    

   "When we met you told me you had a full day and a night all to yourself and that you'd be most delighted if I'd spend that time with you. For whatever reason my then 21-year old self thought that would be grand, and the rest is history. History you apparently have forgotten."

 

   "Well, in my defense I did drink quite a bit back them and have forgotten a lot of things - so what you're saying is very possible...but, uhm, you're saying we, uhm, got together in your room for awhile that day 37 years ago...does that mean you're here to tell me that I've been a father for the past 36 years?"

    "Oh, no, nothing like that. Birth control was around 37 years ago, I'm sure you're aware of that. And as you should also know, we didn't share any diseases with one another either."

   "So what did we do? I mean, other than, you know, sex stuff."

   "We actually did a little socializing first, and in more places than my room - had dinner at a little place not too far from the rose garden, got our picture taken under the arch - you know, we did flirty stuff that people who are attracted to each other do when they first meet."

   "Okay, sounds like we had a good time and I suppose it could be true. But if you didn't get pregnant and neither of us contracted anything...did you track me down just to remind me of a great time we had as infatuated kids in Reno 37 years ago? Are you thinking we can somehow rekindle that moment or develop it further at this point in time?"

   "Oh no, nothing like that!" She laughed as she spoke. "There were a few other things we did in the hours we spent wandering around Reno before we went up to my room for our passionate romp. This is one of them." 

   With that she pulled an envelope out of her purse and handed it to him. Carter took it from her and opened it, then removed an official looking document. It was a marriage license, dated 37 years and one week ago.

   He looked over the document carefully, noticing his signature, what he assumed was her signature, the signature of a witness he did not recognize, and an officiants signature. He looked up and across the desk at her.

   She looked straight back at him and firmly stated, "The first manner in which I need you to help me, Mr. Bennett, is by granting me a divorce."

   "Holy cow! We've been married since the day we met!" Carter's face nearly exploded in surprise. "That's wild!"

   Fiona looked at him and spoke as if she was giving testimony in a courtroom. "I have never married Carter, at least not other than this one time, and everything I've learned about you leads me to believe you never have either - is that right?"

   "Yeah, I've never been married - lived with a couple of women, but neither of them were the marrying type, if you know what I mean. So I guess that means neither of us is guilty of bigamy."

   "And, Fiona began with a smile, "it makes this next part a little easier to settle."

   She handed Carter another envelope which he dutifully opened. He pulled out a few folded sheets of paper and started to pore over the pages.

   "This, this is incredible. When did we have time to go to a stockbroker?'

   "Right after we won a little over $16,000 on a slot machine. We decided to pull the handle together and agreed that if we won big we would split the jackpot three ways - a third to each and the remainder to be invested in whatever stock the nearest stockbroker we could find would recommend to us."

    Carter stared at the pages with incredulity.

   "As luck would have it, we walked into a bank that Thursday and were recommended to a stockbroker who had an office on the second floor of the building. He was excited about an IPO for a computer company - he raved about computers being the wave of the future and how we'd be fools to ignore this ground floor opportunity - the usual pitch excited stockbrokers make."

   "You mean to tell me that you've had these shares in your possession for 37 years and you didn't do anything but sit on them?" Carter stared at Fiona in abject disbelief.

   "Not quite in my possession Carter - you gave me the paperwork we got from the stockbroker that day, that much is true, but I in turn asked my Mother to hold on to them for me when I returned to college - you no doubt do not recall that I was in Reno on Spring Break. I went back to college with the $5,300, give or take, and used it in probably the same fashion you used your $5,300 - quite recklessly. After all, in my mind it was free money and I was a 21-year old in the last semester of college - other than buying a round trip ticket to Paris and a Eurorail pass, I pretty much partied that 5k away."

   Looking up, Carter laughed and said, "Yeah, I didn't even make it out of Reno with a penny of that 5k."

   The both looked at each other for a few seconds. Fiona finally broke the silence.

   "When my Mother passed away I found our marriage license and the stock ownership papers in a box in her bedroom closet, along with a number of unopened letters from the stockbroker and the computer company detailing the company's growth and the stock's performance. It had slipped my mind that I had given my Mother's home address as our contact info. Truth be told, over time I too had pretty much forgotten all about those few days in Reno. But having the paperwork in my hands quickly refreshed my memory."

   "Wow." Carter repeated the terse statement three more times. "We are both very, very rich. This is absolutely mind-boggling. That stockbroker sold us 249 shares of the Microsoft IPO and put it all in an ARP portfolio for us. The stock has split something in the neighborhood of 35 times since we bought them - mostly 2 for 1 splits but I think there were some 2 for 2 splits. That is just...mind boggling."

    "Yes, yes it is Carter. Now the question is, what do we do first - get a divorce or split up the stock?"

    Carter looked at Fiona for a long minute. "Truth be told Fiona, the first thing I would like to do is kiss you."

    Fiona leaned in across Carter's desk, lips pursed and eyes closed.

   

   

     

    

Sky Blue Waters Indeed

 

One More Halloween House, With Snow (& Enthusiasm)

 

A Few More Halloween Houses / 2023