Moments Before The Battle

 

Why is that man across the clearing pointing a gun at you?

He's barely a man, maybe not even as old as you

Why are you pointing a gun at him?

You hear the sound of bombs exploding in the distance

He must be able to hear them too

Is he as scared as you?

Did he have to go through a similar eight weeks of training as you did?

Learn how to properly wear the uniform, learn how to take orders

Learn how to salute all the men who wear shiny insignias of rank

Learn how to shoot guns and drop bombs on command?

Hunkered down behind a berm of grass and dirt

Your mind wanders to a time before you knew how to load a gun

Much less how to breathe, relax, aim, squeeze, shoot

Did the man across the clearing work on a farm before the war?

You did, and much as you wanted to leave it, now you miss it

Does he miss the farm he worked on too?

Does he he miss his friends, his family, as much as you?

He must, he absolutely must, no one could not

You were taught to think about them as "barbaric"

Was he also taught to think of you as "barbaric"?

The drone of planes flying overhead interrupt your thoughts

Momentarily

You were ordered to stand ready for the command to attack

Between the exploding bombs and low-flying planes

The noise makes it hard to hear anything

Except yourself

And your heart

Beating fast in your chest

You wonder if the man across the field 

Will be able to hear the orders yelled at him

Any better than you will be able to hear yours

Are Maverick Gas Stations Being Deliberately Duplicitous?

 

   Take a look at the above picture of a sign for the Maverick gas station located at the intersection of Colfax Ave. & Kipling Ave in Lakewood, Colorado.

   Note that the price for a gallon of unleaded and the price of a gallon of diesel is displayed as $3.74.99 and $4.52.99 respectively.

   Now take a look a the below picture of the very same sign for the Maverick gas station at that same intersection taken mere moments after the above picture was taken.

   The price per gallon for unleaded and diesel has gone up by 15 cents per gallon. Why? Well, the generally accepted reason for the price per gallon increase is that the upcharge is attributable to the use of a credit card versus payment in cash. 

    At least that was the consensus of every single person purchasing fuel at this particular Maverick gas station (7 different people, 3 of whom, like me, opted to pay in cash in order to save a little money - hey, every penny counts these days, even if pennies are no longer being produced).

   However, after walking back to the pump the truck was parked at (one has to actually go inside the Maverick service station convenient mart to pay cash) and depressing the large green button to dispense the diesel fuel, I discovered that the price of a gallon of diesel was still showing as being $4.67.99.

   Thinking that a mistake had been made by the cashier I walked back into the Maverick convenient mart and explained to the cashier that the pump I was parked at still showed the credit price of $4.67.99 when I had in fact just paid in cash only moments earlier.

   The cashier then explained to me that the $4.67.99 price on the sign was for both credit and cash transactions, and that the lower price shown was for something called "Nitro" transactions. 

   I stared outside the large windows of the Maverick convenient mart at the big sign, watched how the word "Credit" (and only the word "Credit") lit up between the "E85" and "Unleaded" placards that were located directly below the word "Maverick" on the big sign when the prices shown were $3.89.99 and $4.67.99 for unleaded and diesel respectively, and then watched as the numbers changed seconds later to $3.74.99 and $4.52.99 for unleaded and diesel respectively - and saw that the word between the "E85" and "Unleaded" placards was now showing as "Nitro".

   When I asked what Nitro referred to, the cashier politely explained to me that the Nitro price was for customer's using the Maverick Nitro card or purchasing on the Maverick Nitro App.

    Which kinda pissed me off. I (as casually but pointedly as I could) stated that I thought that was a bit duplicitous, as there was nothing to indicate on the big sign or posted on the pumps that the lower price was not indeed a cash price but required the use of the Maverick credit card or app.

    I also stated that the last thing I needed was another credit card or another app on my phone, and that I would like a refund of the cash I had paid, as I had not yet pumped any fuel into my truck.

   As courteous as a cashier who has had to deal with tightwads such as myself could, she said she would have to get the manager for that, and she did just that. The manager actually processed my refund almost instantly, and I went back out to my truck.

   When I was back at my truck was when I asked the seven different people filling up at the pumps around me if they were aware that the lower price being advertised on the big sign was not for customer's paying cash, and received the answer from each and everyone of them that no, they were not aware of that at all, and the three people who had paid cash each kinda grumbled a little when they looked at the diesel price on the pump and realized that I wasn't kidding, that they were indeed paying the higher posted credit price for fuel.

   None of them went back into the Maverick convenient mart though - I guess some people are okay with paying 15 cents more a gallon for fuel than the initially thought they were.

   Years ago, when I was living overseas, an Englishman taught me something about responding to a business that was being duplicitous (which is the word of the day, obviously) or just guilty of poor business practices, and that was to "protest with your feet", by which he meant just leave the business and never return.

   Being as how their are fuel stations galore in Lakewood, I did just that - well, I protested with my wheels, actually. I got into my truck and drove a couple miles to the Shell station that posts and charges the same price for fuel regardless of whether one pays with cash or credit card (theirs or any other). 

   Sure, a gallon of diesel there was a penny more, but even a tightwad such as I am can eat a few pennies (even if they are no longer in production).

   At least the Shell station is honest about what they're charging.

Friends That You Didn't Even Know You Had

 

News Of The World...From The May 24th, 1891 Edition Of The Cheyenne Daily Sun

    This just in! Well, "just in" 135 years ago. Chanced across a copy of the Cheyenne, Wyoming newspaper The Cheyenne Daily Sun that was published in May of 1891 

    The eight page issue seems to have covered the days from Sunday, May 24th until Tuesday, May 26th of 1891 as the date on the front page reads May 24th while the date on the last page reads May 26th.

   Incidentally, the Cheyenne Daily Sun was published from 1876 until 1895, at which time it merged with a competitor and became the Cheyenne Daily Sun - Leader.

   The Daily Sun was apparently known for advocating civic improvements, as well as very short synopsis of local and national events, and some unusual reprints of stories from other Newspapers printed in such far-flung cities such as Chicago and Philadelphia.

    On the front page there are short paragraphs that briefly describe current events from all over the world.

   Here are a few, transcribed word-for-word (yeah, the copyrights expired on these gems decades ago).

Yale and Princeton Ball Game

New Haven, May 23. - The Yale-

Princeton championship ball game

here to-day was one of the hardest 

fought that the two teams have ever

played. When defeat seemed inevit-

able for Yale, the Princeton men be-

came rattled and as a result the score

at the end stood: Yale 4, Princeton 1.

Sentenced to Death

Nancy, May 23. - Meunier, ex-officer

of customs, arrested May 14 at Lan-

dres charged with a number of crimes.

Was to-day sentenced to death.

Faith Curists Routed

Winchester, Ind., May 23. A band

of faith curists were driven out of Los

Antville to-day. The people of the 

place became enraged over the fact 

that they allowed a little child to die

of scarlet fever, refusing to get a 

physician.

Economy Needed

Rome, May 23. - The pope is taking

steps to secure greater economy of ex-

penditures at the vatican. He has

appointed a commission of cardinals

charged to do their utmost to effect a 

reduction in expenses.

Dalton Brothers Captured

Oklahoma City, O.T., May 23. - 

The Dalton brothers gang that rob-

bed the Santa Fe passenger train at

Wharton station, were captured last

Friday evening in the Sac and Fox

reservation, after a nineteen hour fight

by United States deputy marshals,

aided by a detachment of Fifth cav- 

alry. One of the Daltons was killed 

and one soldier wounded.

A Fraud Exposed

Chicago, May 23. - A dispatch from 

Des Moines says the Federal grand

jury has returned indictments against

J.J. Kellogg, S.J. Kellogg and E

R. Hodges of Washington, Ia., for

using the mails for fraudulent pur-

poses. For a year or more they have 

been advertising all over the country

for bright young men to act as pri-

vate detectives and many gullible

youths have paid $10 for a certificate

of membership of the agency and a 

nickel-plated star worth 50 cents.

Corbett Challenged

San Francisco, May 23. - Jim Cor-

bett to-day received a telegram from

the New Orleans Olympic club, offer-

ing a $12,000 purse for a fight between

him and Slavin. Corbett replied that

he would be in New York in two

weeks and would talk fight. He

states that he will probably not en-

gage in another contest for a year, 

when he will be larger and stronger.

The Murderers Lynched

Shreveport, La., May 23. - Wm.

and John Anderson, colored, who 

held the girl Jane Ware on a railroad

track until the train killed her, were

pursued by a posse of negroes, cap-

tured and hanged.

Shooting Affray

Omaha, May 23. - News comes from

Keya Paha county of  a bloody shoot-

ing affray in which Schuyler Dayton

was killed and John Rivers fatally

wounded by George Covill. The 

trouble grew out of a quarrel over

some stock and jealousy over alleged

intimacy of Dayton with Rivers' wife.

And finally, this gem:

May Have Been Scared To Death

New York, May 23. - Nicholas

Gaulrapp, a German, 27 years old,

died early this morning in frightful

agony, and Deputy Coroner Jenkins

says his death was caused either

by hydrophobia or pseudo-hydropho-

bia. Gaulrapp went out walking the 

evening of April 26 and received a 

bite on the thumb from a small dog.

A few days ago he complained of a 

headache and faceache. His friends

told him that the ache came from the 

dog bite and the young man began to 

get nervous. Wednesday morning he

said that he could not take a swallow

of water. The man died in great 

agony. Dr. Jenkins, who made an

autopsy to-day, was unable to say

if hydrophobia existed, and is in-

clined to think that the man was

frightened into a fatal imitation of

hydrophobia.

Nothing new under the sun, eh?

Loosen Up, Lighten Up, If You Want Her To Stay

Surely you're familiar with the classic proverb

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Don't get me wrong I don't mean to carp

I just don't want to see your attentions make her wander

Dude you have to give her room to breathe

She likes you man she's not going to run away

But cousin you have to give her room to breathe

Put down that phone you just called her an hour ago

Give her time to miss you at least a little

Why are you in such a rush c'mon man take it slow

I'm not saying to stop completely just suggesting a small remittal

Dude you have to give her room to breathe

She likes you man she's not going to run away

But cousin you have to give her room to breathe

Things You Don't Want To Hear While Waiting On Hold...

   Yesterday while waiting on hold for a customer service rep to take my call I heard the following message: "All of our operators are currently busy at this time due to heavier than normal call volume. If you would like to leave your phone number and have a customer service representative call you back, press four now. Otherwise, stay on the line. There are currently 451 callers in the cue."

   That is not verbatim, but it's the gist of it. 451 callers ahead of me. Holy Baloney!

Stopping For A Burger In Carnarvon, Iowa (Pop...Maybe 50?)

   You may ask yourself, why oh why would anyone make a pit stop in such a tiny little hamlet such as Carnarvon, Iowa? Well, the answer is fairly simple: Hunger. 

   Hunger is a helluva motivator - if I get hungry enough I'll stop at the first place I see that serves food and is open, and the Trailside Roadhouse in Carnarvon, Iowa meet both criteria.

   Carnarvon is small - as in, there are probably fewer than forty structures in the town, and I'm including grain silos and storage sheds in that count.

   The road I was driving, Iowa highway 175, runs from the Nebraska border to an intersection with US 63 just south of Hudson, Iowa, which is a little more than 220 miles. However, it's only a two lane blacktop the entire way and passes through a lot of very small towns (the largest of these small towns is Onawa, with a pop. of less than 3,000), so pretty much anywhere I stopped was going to be small (pop. wise).

   Carnarvon had a few interesting sights, such as what looked to be a classic car graveyard across the street from the Trailside Roadhouse. The township is also along one of Iowa's designated bike paths and according to the two women who were working at the roadhouse, quite a few bike riders stop in for a bite as they make their way around Iowa via bicycle.

   The roadhouse did serve up an excellent burger and fries, which refueled me as needed. I got back on the road within thirty minutes and continued my journey to Farnhamville.

The Danger Of Needing Entertainment To Simulate Attention In Office Meetings

   When he wasn't speaking in cliches he was speaking in movie quotes, and God love him, it did make for entertaining business meetings.

   Primarily because of the unintentional amusement that the cliches and movies quotes provided the staff that were required to attend the meetings he scheduled at least three times every week.

   It was Ruby Thayer who came up with the idea for the cliche/movie quote Bingo Cards. She created 50 completely different Bingo cards over a rainy weekend last July, and handed them out to a few select, sworn-to-secrecy individuals.

   The cards had 25 squares just like standard, ordinary Bingo cards, but instead of numbers in the squares that were arranged in horizontal rows under the letters B,I,N,G,O, the squares were filled with movie quotes and cliches. If Mr. Greenberg quipped "You're going to need a bigger boat" to emphasize a need for more of an item, or stated "low hanging fruit" in reference to an easy sale, and those were on your card, you marked them with an X.

   After the meeting the participants gathered in one of the breakroom's and checked cards for any Bingo's. Any card that had a verified Bingo was awarded a prize from Granderson's supply closet, usually extra pens for a single Bingo, but a blackout Bingo could earn one a new PC.

   An unintended consequence of the surreptitious game was that it caused the participants to pay extremely focused attention to Mr Greenberg as he made his presentations, which had given him the false impression that what he was presenting was not only interesting and of use, but was invaluable. 

   Which encouraged him to add a few extra meetings every other week or two.

   Needless to mention, productivity in the office fell off a little...which led to even more meetings. It was a vicious loop.

The Follies & Fallen Nature Of The Superfluous

The man, mad and delirious, was demanding a cup of banana tea

Preferably, he screamed, with a croissant prepared on a rotisserie

Slathered with royalty-free cream and cinnamon wasabi

Served with a side of kool-aid pickles and finely sliced kohlrabi

The staff, to their credit, were scrambling to find the necessary hoodoos

In order to cleanse the wasabi mixer of the previous evenings fondus 

The barista carefully noted the man's name on a fiberboard cup

All the while wondering if the miscreant had the means to pay up

Suddenly, everyone's cellular phones started ringing

The cacophony oddly reminiscent of drunken Swedes singing

Hello, hello, was being shouted by the hysterical bourgeoisie

Trying hard to make a connection over the din of the shivaree

Oddly enough the man who had been mad and delirious was now calm

Standing patiently while waiting on his order with nary a qualm

Memorial Day In The United States May 25th 2026

 

Something Written In 1992 & No Recollection Of The Impetus Exists

Don't want you to make excuses for me

Well aware as I am of the embarrassing shortcomings

That haunt my steps 

If there's a bigger dummy on the block I don't want to know

If there's a bigger dummy on the block, put him in a show

'cause I'm damn tired of being an idiot

'cause I'm damn tired of making mistakes

'cause I'm damn tired of being foolish

'cause I'm damn tired of making escapes

Don't want to plead for attention

There is at least a faint trace of pride left  

Somewhere, I know it's around here, somewhere

If there's a weaker Cavalier on the block, I don't want to know

If there's a weaker Cavalier on the block, put him in a show 

'cause I'm damn tired of being an idiot

'cause I'm damn tired of making mistakes

'cause I'm damn tired of being foolish

'cause I'm damn tired of making escapes

Ladies & Gentlemen, Please Welcome To Our Stage...TBT!

 

A Thorax Crackler For Sunday Afternoon

    One fine Sunday afternoon in Heaven Saint Peter greets a Priest and a bus driver at the Pearly Gates. He smiles broadly at both of them and exclaims that they have both made the grade, and then goes about giving them the rundown on how things work in the afterlife and assigns them their individual residences.

    A week goes by and the Priest, a man who spent his entire adult life piously spreading the word and tending to his congregation as if every single one of them were indeed his own children, runs into Saint Peter at one of the many golf courses that abound in Paradise.

   Saint Peter asks the Priest how he is getting along, and the Priest replies, "Well, I have to tell you, I think there has been a mix up in the housing assignments between me and the bus driver. I was shown to a small, fairly dodgy little shack set on a lot overgrown with weeds, and the bus driver was given a mansion in a very elegant neighborhood. I mean, just how reverent was that bus driver?" 

   "Oh," says Saint Peter, "Housing assignments are not a reflection of reverence, they are a reflection of results. You indeed lived a most reverential life, but the thing is most of your sermons were dull and repetitive, which put a lot of people to sleep and didn't inspire much prayer. But that bus driver, when he was on the job, nobody slept and everybody prayed!"

Careful With That Match Harold

 

The Introductory Conversation Without Proper Introduction

    He walked into the room sporting the same tragic mustache that Paul Simon grew out in the early 1970's, and definitely had lifts in his shoes as the elf was now at least two inches taller. She wondered if it hurt his feet to wear them, and if he would be any taller than her if he wasn't wearing them.

   Without hesitation he took one of the long stemmed flutes filled with Louis Roederer Cristal that a server was proffering guests and stopped to take a long sip.

   Then he scanned the room looking for friends or foes or maybe someone new who would eventually become one or the other. His eyes fell on her immediately, primarily because she was one of the only women in the room shorter than him, and he strolled over to her with deceptive confidence.

   "Hello," he said to her, directly but not aggressively, "I noticed you admiring the Demuth - are you a fan?"

   "Hmmm," she breathed as she turned to look at him. She looked him over quickly before continuing, "Somewhat. I like his earlier works, the monochromatic watercolors. You?"

   "I prefer the larger paintings he created in the 1920's, when he embraced oils and was part of the Precisionist movement. The rectilinear sleekness of them and the flat colors are easy on the eye and don't challenge my wee brain to try to figure out meanings or emotions."

   She couldn't figure out the accent - she thought it was either Scottish or Irish, but it had been washed and rinsed for several cycles, so whatever country he had left to come to the states wasn't clearly distinguishable.

   "My name is Francis, Francis Nesbitt," she said while extending her ring-festooned right hand. "And you would be...?"

    "Oh, forgive my cheek," he stuttered out while countering her hand extension with his own. Her hand was warm and soft yet her grip was firm, almost as if she was closing a deal on a prized piece of real estate.

    "Cheek." Francis mulled to herself. "Who still says cheek when apologizing? Has to be an Irishman."

   "Neal, Neal Heaney." Her eyes lit up briefly when he spoke his name - she loved it when she could figure out the origin of a faint accent.

   "Ah, an Irishman who knows his American artists of the first part of the last century. Are you an artist yourself Mr Heaney?'

   "No, I dodged that curse, and please, call me Neal, Francis."

   She was slightly taken aback by his immediate use of her Christian name as it implied an intimacy of sorts, an intimacy she was more caught off guard by, but not offended by.

   "You consider being blessed with the artistic touch a curse...Neal?" He smiled slightly when she paused before saying his name. He wondered if she was married or engaged or casually seeing someone - the multiple rings on everyone of her fingers gave no hints as to her relationship status.

   "Yes I do, most decidedly. Every artist I've ever met and grown close to has eventually revealed themselves to be cursed in someway or another. Uhm, you're not about to tell me you're an artist are you?"

   Francis laughed quietly as she mulled her answer. "I am indeed an artist Neal, and you are right, I am cursed. To save us both time the nature of my curse is I cannot resist cynical Irishmen with old timey charm and a disregard for etiquette."   

   

Let Your Huge Inflatable Animal Light Shine

 

   It's your yard, and if the HOA allows them during all the standard holidays, they gotta allow them for whatever holiday it is you're celebrating.

The Ever So Sensible Plan For Happiness & Productivity

He had the positive self-talk down

Could quote Peale as if it was written on the back of his hand

He created an environment that stimulated creativity

That would have had Edison crying in his sleep

Wrote down his goals and reviewed them ten times a day

Keep them in focus, sharp as a Samurai's blade

Made damn sure everything he did was meaningful

And that whatever he did gave him an opportunity to shine

First thing everyday he wrote down a plan of action

That would make him joyful, productive and fruitful

Though not necessarily in the biblical way

Just wanted to stay motivated

Just wanted to stay real

Just wanted to stay in the game

Just wanted to be real

Heavy Wet Tree Branch Snapping Snow

    May snowstorms are not unusual in the Rocky Mountains, but heavy, wet snow like we received last night/this morning is. The media reported the snowstorm as the most snow for a day in May since the May of 2003.

   Sure took a toll on the trees in and around my neighborhood.

 

Material Is Money

 

Tripping Through The Thistle Fields Of Life

 

Gotta admire a craftsperson who takes pride in their work and does the best job possible, even if the end results are very rarely ever to be seen.

The Cat Was Looking For Someone A Little Cooler

 

A Beautiful Day For A BallGame

 

   Yesterday was a beautiful day for a ballgame, especially for Padres fans. The Friars are enjoying a great start to the 2026 season, and continued that start with a come-from-behind victory over the Rockies compliments of a 3-run jack off the bat of birthday boy Gavin Sheets in the 9th.

   His father, former MLB outfielder Larry Sheets, had to be smiling from ear-to-ear.

   This game also featured the sons of two other former MLB players - Rockies 3rd baseman Kyle Karros, son of Eric, and Padres right fielder Fernando Tatis Jr, son of Tatis Sr.

   Former MLB pitcher Billy Wagner's son Will also plays for the Padres, but he is currently on the IR so did not see any action in this game.

   Baseball is a very family-centric game.

   And yesterday was a great day to bring the family out to the ballpark, especially if your family is comprised of Padre fans.

The Split Rail Fence Of Adages & Affirmations

Aching Painful Sore Back Emergency

   The past eight days have been some of the most painful of my entire life. Worse pain than any abcessed tooth or broken/fractured bone or migraine headache.

   My back went out. 

   At first all I felt was a slight discomfort in the lower left side of my back when I removed a less than 20 pound box from a shoulder-height shelf and turned/twisted to load it onto a cart. 

   There was something ominous about how my back tweaked as I placed the relatively light box down though. It was one of those "uh-oh" moments when one knows one has screwed something up worse than it appears.

   For the first few days after the tweaking I felt only slight discomfort, but on the fourth day the pain ramped up suddenly and severely.

   Have you ever spent a night trying desperately to find a comfortable position in your bed to sleep? Constantly adjusting and shifting your torso and legs to get at least a minute or two of comfort, all of which is painful? Yeah, it was that level of hell. 

   I felt like a carnival contortionist trying to fit into a suitcase that kept getting smaller and smaller, all while some idiot outside the box was sticking knives into the shrinking space.

   After downing 800mg of Ibuprofen and putting an ice pack on the spot where the imaginary knives were lancing into my lower back (about two inches to the left of my spine, right between the erector spinae and gluteus maximus), I was finally able to get a little sleep).

   The intense pain returned within a few short minutes of my wakening however so I started texting people I know who have suffered back injuries and endured intense back pain in order to get their advice on what to do.

   CMM, who was rear-ended by a truck while driving along I-70 almost 20 years ago and has had to contend with persistent back pain ever since.

   BWB, who has had a dodgy back for most of his adult life and has managed to work in an industry that requires heavy lifting nevertheless.

  JER, who injured his back while serving in the U.S. Army and is now on full disability.

   All three of them gave great advice that included most of what you see in the pic above (the only piece of advice not shown is the cannabis - I'm just not a cannabis guy).

   And of course I was told, "Get thee to a Doctor".

   So, I did.

   I made a beeline to a little clinic not to far from my house. I was able to be seen by a Physician Assistant after a short wait.

   After a little gentle poking and prodding of my lower back to determine where the soreness was centralized (see above) I underwent a few quick tests.  First was the straight leg test while I was sitting in a chair, than the straight leg test while I was lying prone on the exam table. 

   The sitting straight leg test was just me lifting my left leg slowly and repeatedly, which I was able to do with no discomfort to my leg though I did feel discomfort in my lower back.

   The straight leg test while I was laying down on the exam table involved the PA lifting my left leg slowly and asking if I was feeling any pain as she raised my leg until it was at a 90 degree angle to the rest of me. I felt pain in my lower back but nothing in my leg, which she said was a good sign.

   Then she did what she said was a text for possible nerve injury, which she called the femoral nerve test. It was simply having me turn onto to my big belly and then she lifted my left leg while it was bent at the knee. She asked if I was feeling any pain in my thigh and I told her I didn't, which she said was another good sign.

   Good signs while I was suffering from some pretty damn debilitating lower back pain. Oh yay.

   Long story short, soft tissue strain was the diagnoses, and I was prescribed a 5% lidocaine patch (I had no idea PA's could write prescriptions but apparently they can).

   I was also told to lose some weight - at least 60 if not 75 pounds. I am a large human, have been since I was small (which, at any time for whatever age I was, I never was - my waist was a 36 when I was in the 6th grade and I was what people labeled "husky" back then).

   I have been as heavy as 335 (pounds, not kilos) since I left high school all those decades ago, and I currently run 285 (well, not run, 'cause, you know, I'm fat).

   Being descended from generations of coal miners and others who made their livings lifting heavy stuff kinda sucks when it comes to losing weight. I am genetically pre-disposed to being a larger than average human.

   I have, however, managed to lose weight when it was necessary, primarily through rigorously adopting Bill Phillips Body For Life fitness system.

   So it looks like I'm going to be undertaking that 84 day challenge once again (though going lightly on the exercise part). I apologize in advance for the grouchiness that will develop concurrently.

   

Worst Plot Summary Ever

    For your reading pleasure...this is the plot summary for the 1993 television movie Percy & Thunder that was directed by Ivan Dixon, as seen on the Wikipedia page for the film.

Percy (James Earl Jones) and Thunder (Courtney B. Vance) have been with themselves around the past so they are finding it. Percy and Thunder meets with Leatherhead (Mick E. Jones) a corrupt boss and VFW Refree (Ron Shipp) are having a fight against Percy and Thunder to commit it. Percy takes Thunder and Leatherhead and VFW Refree to let Percy know he has to track down an Assassin and then Percy finds the assassins outside and then fights and kills them and tells Leatherhead assignment is done. Percy and Thunder tells Leatherhead and VFW Refree to see them later. Percy goes to find Promoter (Mike Finneran) to know he is bored and then knows the answers and then can use it anytime. Percy and Promoter take a road trip down the road and then they view what's on the road. Percy and Promoter find the helicopter and then all the targets arrive and then Percy knocks out all the targets and then returns to Promoter. Percy tells Promoter that it's good to spend time with itself to know when it's time for it.

   That is verbatim. 

   There may be a couple of reasons that this plot summary is, well, gibberish. English may not be the first language of the writer (maybe the writer's first language is Gaelic, or Urdu, or maybe Vulcan, and whatever software they used for the translation to English was a bit dodgy). Or maybe it was written by a completely whacked-out AI program (ChatGPT?).

   It's not possible that this was the pitch used to sell the project to the studio, is it? No way, inconceivable. Not even the most coked-out producer in all of Hollywood would have bit on this one.

   Of course, a producer once listened to the pitch for C.H.U.D. and that movie got made, so I could be wrong.

   

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