Quitting Is For Winners

    I saw a decal on a car bumper the other day that stated "Quitting Is For Winners" and due to the fact I was driving along behind said car on a fairly hazardous road, I was not able to get a picture.

   I was able to get a picture of the road I was on (see above) because I quit driving, put the vehicle in park, and got out to take a picture, even though the car that was sporting the decal had long since driven out of eyesight.

   The picture I did take is fairly nice, what I would call a "winner," so yeah, in certain circumstances, quitting is definitely for winners.

   Which I believe I have seen elaborated upon on signs somewhere - signs that say "If you find yourself stuck in a deep hole, quit digging," and "If your job requires you to lie, quit now." and so on.

   Now that I've been thinking about it for a long minute, several other examples of when quitting is the best way to be a winner have sprung to mind, such as when you are reading a dull book with a lousy plot and no character development - just skip to the last few pages, find out how it ends, and then go out and find a better book to read.

   Same advice applies to bad television shows and movies. Your time is pretty damn valuable, don't give it over to undeserving tripe.

   Heck, if this little diatrible I'm putting together is boring you, quit reading it. Respect yourself and use your time, resources, and energy for whatever you find fulfilling or at least interesting. 

   Hmmm...that is advice I should heed myself. I'm outta here, maybe I'll change my front brake pads or some such more important (and productive) chore.

   

The Lure Of The Thrill Of The Stage

   He said his biggest thrill in life had been the two years he spent trying to break into comedy, which took all of us by surprise. 

   We had been sitting at the small table in the bar located across the street from the restaurant which had become our usual Sunday evening gathering spot, and the question of the night was "What is the biggest thrill you have ever experienced?"

   All of us had answered with a singular event - sky-diving, solo sailing between several Hawaiian islands, climbing Mt Elbert, the birth of a first child, going on a dive bomb run in a fighter jet, and becoming a published writer. 

   TCR was the one who answered with trying to break into comedy. Most of us had known TCR for at least the past decade, and none of us had ever known about his foray into comedy.

   So he pretty much had our collective undivided attention as he elaborated on his biggest thrill.

   He started off by explaining that it was at a time in his life when he didn't have much going on - he had dropped out of college for the third time (all three attempts at a higher education had been at different colleges), was living by himself in a studio apartment, and hated his job as a shuttle bus driver at a large amusement park.

   Pursuing comedy as a career was, he said, something he had thought about since his high school days, when he had dated a girl who was way out of his league but had told him she went out with him because he was funny.

  So five years after that one girl had made that comment to him he finally found the courage to get up on stage at a local comedy club's open mic night and spout off a few jokes and wisecracks.

   He told us that the first experience was fairly innocuous, but he did get a few laughs, and most importantly, he wasn't booed off the stage.

   Furthermore, he said he met another comedian that night who asked him how much time he had spent preparing his material, and when he told that fellow comedian that he hadn't spent any time preparing his material, that he had just got up on the stage and winged it, the guy nearly fell out of his chair.

   That fellow comedian recommended that he stop winging it and start preparing at least 15 minutes of material that he could recall without thinking, as the well runs dry pretty quickly when you rely on the sporadic funny bits you can come up with on the fly.

  Realising the truth he was being told, he said he then started writing down everything and anything he could remember saying or experiencing that was even remotely funny, and that he would spend hours putting it all into a cohesive routine he could readily recall.

  He elaborated that, as it was in the time when television was limited to three, maybe four channels, and you watched whatever the channel masters wanted you to watch, his only exposure to practicing comedians was limited to whoever Johnny Carson or Tom Snyder was giving a few minutes to, or to occasional visits to Comedy clubs when it was open mic night or when he could snag an opening slot or get comped a seat.

   Saturday Night Live was a show he watched religiously, along with a few other variety shows of the day such as the Carol Burnett show and Shields & Yarnell.

   Albums, he said, was where he was able to hear the great comedians - he told us of the hours he spent scouring flea markets and garage sales for old albums by Comics such as Newhart, Bishop, Pryor, Wilson, Diller, the Smothers Brothers, Rickles, Cosby, Bruce, Rivers, Foxx, Youngman, Warren - even the Firesign Theater gang.

   Those albums, he claimed, were his textbooks for comedy school.

   With somewhat of a wistful look he told us that It took him a few months of listening and repeating and showing up at open mic nights to practice performing until he felt confident enough to take his act on the road and see if what he had would play in Peoria, and so he did,

   For almost two full years he said he traveled around the country, living out of his car or staying in cheap motels, working as an opener or a middle/second act to earn $25 to $40 a night, and sometimes as much as $100 to $200 if he got on a long weekend bill - which would be Thursday through Sunday and usually require 7 or 8 thirty minute routines.

   He paused his story for a few long seconds after that revelation, then continued by saying that, after nearly two full years of non-stop travel and performing, he was not only broke and worn-out, but he had an epiphany.

   And that was, he almost looked ashamed to admit, that not only did he not have the stage presence or charm that most of his contemporaries had, he was also not anywhere near as funny as any of them.

   At that point a few of us looked at him with expressions of disbelief regarding what he had just related, and KAP, with her usual blunt (though not crass) manner, asked TCR if he had ever met up with anyone during those two years who actually made it.

   TCR nodded his head affirmatively and said he had shared the same stage as Barry Crimmins at a club in Boston that Crimmins owned, and an Irish comedian named Dave Allen who smoked like a chimney but was probably the funniest person he ever met - never got big in the states though (which was obvious, as none of us had ever heard of him).

   KAP followed up that question by asking if he had met anyone that they had actually ever heard of, and TCR nodded his head again and said that, while he did open for a few comics that either were big or got big, and listed Gilbert Godfrey along with Barry Sobel among them, he said he never got to actually hang out with any of them. 

   We all kinda nodded our heads after that in a mutual silent agreement that that was most likely because TCR wasn't now and probably wasn't then the most sociable person to be around - he was a fairly quiet guy and for him to claim that he once made a go out of being a comic...well, it's not that we didn't believe him, but we all were thinking it was quite the stretch.

   Finally, RBG asked TCR to tell us one of the jokes from his routine, and after a few seconds, TCR cleared his throat and said that he always got laughs with this one:

   "The other night I played poker with a few of my friends and it did not go very well for me. I had to go home and tell my wife to pack her bags because I'd lost her to Jimmy Keaton on the last hand of the night. As you might imagine my wife got a little angry and asked how I could possibly have lost her in a poker game - I told her it wasn't easy, I had to fold with a full house, Aces and Kings."

   No one at the table laughed, though DV smirked a little.

 

   

Never Stop Pulling The Weeds, Never Stop Tending The Garden

Pull the weeds, feed the flowers

Sound advice from the Gardener

That applies to all aspects of life

Pruning is not just for bushes and trees

It's also for eliminating all causes of strife

For when you fail to eliminate weeds

They grow and grow and grow

Until they take over the beautiful garden 

And turn your lawn into a golf hazard from hell

Think about this the next time you bargain

With a family member or even a friend

What weeds did you allow to take root

That are now the cause of such woe

The beautiful flowers you used to water and feed

Have now wilted from lack of attention so watch what you sow

Think of the relationships you've let wither away

Because you couldn't be bothered to stay in touch

Or were momentarily turned off by a perceived slight

And let the wound fester until it had gotten out of control

Pull the weeds, prune the flowers - before they blight

Eliminate the ones that bring nothing but trouble

And tend to ones that add joy to your life

Careful pruning makes the flowers bloom brighter 

Which carries over into magnification of the joy you receive

Opposed to the sorrow felt when brambles are allowed to grow wilder

Every time you step into the garden

But you have to make it happen through proper actions

You have to make the effort in order to get the results you want

And never relent, never give up

Persistence and perseverance are your entente

The simple, easy, everyday chores

Of pulling the weeds and pruning the flowers

Let your friends and family know you appreciate them

Be the ray of sunshine in their lives

It they give you grief or sadness think before you condemn

Search for the reasons that compel the unseemly actions

And tend to those reasons as fast as you can

Whether they are caused by factors outside your control 

Or they are caused by something you didn't or did

Make the necessary adjustments with all of your heart and soul

Without unnecessarily sacrificing your id

For you are valuable and you deserve respect and affection

But never, ever forget

That respect and affection are best when earned and not taken

And what you give is what you get

PayPa!: Scamarama Ding Dong

 

Received this text on my phone. If this is not an example of the worst attempt at a scam by text, it surely must be in the top ten.

The Not-Lunch Non-Date Meet-Up

She looked right past the magazine I was reading

And into my face

'said, "Whatcha reading?" like interrupting 

    Was a desirable social grace

I replied sarcastically but not smarmily 

"An article on the lack of propriety in the modern world."

She laughed at that and retorted 

"You're a funny lot, eh Mr. Penforasword?"

Setting aside the magazine I gave her a quick once over

 And smiling, replied with little hesitation

"Doing the best I can to further international relations."

She laughed again and sipped her drink

While her fingers twirled

   The silky brown hair that perfectly framed her features

       Like a dirty cop ignoring legal procedures

"Didjer once around with your eyes suit your fancy?"

        She said with syrup dripping from her lips

I raised my brows in affirmation and nodded to be certain

    "You know how to drape your frame." I said

    With a second appreciative glance 

 "A lost art these days, which makes life difficult for us art connoisseurs"

                       

"You're quick with the flattery kind sir

Not that there's anything I didn't mind hearing

Does make me think you are in the habit, though

Of casting about compliments as if baiting a hook

     At least you're not shmaltzy about it, which is somehow endearing."

"Name's Sidney," she then announced, "though I'm known as Dis.

        Which makes sense once you get to know me."

         "I'm Kirby," I replied,  "A name my mother anointed me with  

         As she was a big fan of the serial Sky King from the 1950s."

"Introductions out of the way, I suppose now we start the interrogations."

She stated that much like DC Reid would, in the later episodes

  But before she married DCI Holmes

"Shall we draw straws or paper, rock, scissors for first question privilege?"

I quipped, trying my best to banter as a Southern Scot might

  Carefully, like before the first seven or eight pints

                 

She looked at me directly, switching gears to serious mode

       And said, "I'll go first. 

       Are you married? Involved? Inquiring minds want to know.

Because I may be forward, I may be a flirt of sorts

 But I'm no homewrecker, and I hope you're not a jerk."

My quick laugh was sincere, and I hoped she understood it to be.

      "No,"  I said as firmly as I could, "I am not married or involved.

I am decidedly single, free of any cumbrance, save for a cat

        That's honest full disclosure, I'm not even a beard, got tired of playing that."

"Not even a beard? That's an interesting statement - never met a cis-het man who rolled

        For leading ladies that aren't interested in drinking at the tap

         Then again, cis-het women do, so I guess the opposite must be true

       In the spirit of your pronouncement of full disclosure then

             I don't judge any of my sisters for the choices or inclinations they profess           

But as for me, I don't shop or slop at the Gap"

    We looked at one another as if staring at rare animals in the wild

      For a second I could swear we both breathed sighs of relief

     The modern world has made it easier to meet people

    Websites abound so every variety of human walking the globe has access

    Takes all the work out of searching for that elusive clover with four leafs

   So we sat chatting and laughing and thinking

   The minutes turned to hours and our glasses became coffee cups

When the waiter came over with the bill I noted she was particular but not finicky

  And wondered which one of us would be the first to screw this up

Utah Morning, July 2026

 

Mounted Shooters Show At The Weld County Fair

   Know what's really cool about the Weld County Fair? It's free and fun for the entire family. Even the parking is free, which, in this day and age of monetized everything, is exceptional. 

   The fair is held at Island Grove regional park in Greeley, and it's well worth the drive. There is a lot going on now that the fair is in full swing and the midway is up and runnin'.

   On the first day of the fair there were not a lot of people in attendance, which was most likely due to the fact that not a lot was going on. There was the dog show, which I already covered, and there was the Mounted Shooters show, which featured men and women on horseback shooting at balloons on posts.

                      Ten post with ten balloons as targets...it's a speed and accuracy challenge 

   You read that right. Men and women on galloping horses, shooting guns, at balloons.

   It was kinda exciting to watch.

   Now, before anyone gets in a lather over the use of live rounds in an open air competition in which the public is invited to watch (which they sadly didn't, as can been seen in the pics), allow me to explain that the rounds used by the competitors are black powder blank .45 Long Colt shells with military crimped ends - these rounds generate enough gas and powder to break a target like an inflated balloon, but they wouldn't penetrate a T-shirt at six feet.

   Basically, Hollywood blanks, but without the Rust effects.

   Also, the balloons had it comin'.