An Irishman and an Englishman walk into a bar. The air is so thick with nationalism and sectarian hatred that neither of them can enjoy their pint.
An Irishman walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Hey, if I can show you something that is absolutely amazing, can I get a free beer?"
The Bartender looks at the Irishman and replies, "Buddy, I've been in this game a long time. Take your best shot."
So the Irishman pulls a small mouse out of his pocket and sets him down on the bar. The mouse proceeds to run down the bar, jump over a passed-out drunk while doing a backflip, land on the piano and proceed to play it better than Beethoven. The Bartender is amazed, and gives the Irishman a free beer.
After he finishes the beer the Irishman says to the Bartender, "Hey, if I can show you something that tops that, will you give me a big glass of your finest whiskey?"
The Bartender replies, "If it's more amazing than the mouse, sure thing."
The Irishman pulls a cricket out of his pocket and sets it down on the bar. The cricket then starts to sing "Danny Boy" in an incredibly sweet voice. the Bartender is stunned and immediately pours the Irishman a glass of his finest whiskey.
Another customer sees the cricket singing and is just as stunned as the Bartender. He says to the Irishman, "That is the most incredible thing I've ever seen! I'll give you $500.00 for that cricket right now!"
The Irishman immediately scoops up the cricket and hands it to the other customer, "Deal!" he says, and takes $500.00 from the impressed customer who then runs out of the bar with the cricket.
The Bartender looks at the Irishman and says, "Hey, I don't mean to poke my nose into your business, but that was a singing cricket - you could have made a fortune off of it!"
The Irishman smirks and says, "Nah, that was only a cricket - the mouse is just one helluva ventriloquist."
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