Not Quite An Eggs & Bacon Man...

He could no longer remember a time when he didn't start the day with a couple of aspirin for breakfast

Or end the day with a six course dinner that came in 12 ounce cans with easy to open pop tops

However, he did not think either of those habits to be a negative aspect of his life

After all, he was still somewhat physically fit - which he had decided was a fact because he could tie his shoes without getting winded and did not quite look like a squished loaf of bread when he was sitting down

And occasionally, when he was shaving and caught sight of his face in the mirror - when his head was tilted at just the right angle, and the second bulb in the light fixture was out - he thought he could still pass for a reasonably handsome man

However, he always kept in mind the fact that, despite any and all of his ideas of who he was or what he looked like, the truth of the matter was it all came down to perception

Specifically, the perception of him by others.

That was the one thing that had bugged him for his entire life. Other peoples perception.

Which is why he no longer went out, and why he had so many pets (three cats, five dogs, and a turtle - though he hadn't seen the turtle in over a month)

He was terrified of being erroneously perceived, as he had never learned the lesson that what other people thought of him was not only unimportant, but really none of his business

So he sat at home, in front of the TV if he was feeling lazy, in front of the computer if he was feeling social, and snuggled up in his big recliner with a book if he was feeling adventurous

With a handle of Jack and a bag of chips on the small table, and every so often a large bag of M&Ms.

Which was, of course, what had lead to the aspirin for breakfast routine