Feebly Attempting To Abide By The Rules

 

Most of us have been taught that there are some specific rules for proper grammar and use of the English language, especially the written word.  

I try my damnedest to keep those rules in mind as I write but I must confess, I suck at following the rules.

If you've read more than one of my blog entries, you've probably already picked up on this.

Vaguely, the lessons of English teachers from years past swirl around in my head as I write. "Don't use the passive when writing," and "All paragraphs must comprise five sentences." along with, "Don't end a sentence with a preposition," of course.

I'm no rebel, but I just can't seem to make what I want to write sound like I want it to sound without disregarding a lot of what I was taught.

Take indenting paragraphs for instance. I don't indent paragraphs much because it has always struck me as too formal, as if I was writing a letter to a foreign potentate.

And not beginning a sentence with the words "and" or "but". Sorry, that's just how people converse, at least in my experience.

Using contractions, ampersands, splitting infinitives...guilty, guilty, guilty. Not deliberately mind you, but guilty none the same.

Seriously, why was the ampersand invented if it wasn't meant to be used?

Years ago I dated a smart young woman (Massachusetts education and all that) who would become absolutely atwitter with not only my mispronunciation of words, but, as she termed it, my blatant disregard for semantics.

Occasionally, just for kicks, I would use the word "irregardless" in her company, or I'd strip words of their prefixes. To this day I still remark that something less than impressive is "pressive" or "simply whelming."

I'd like to think that somewhere on this planet, as I typed that last paragraph, her hair stood on end.

Someday I'll sit down with a copy of Strunk and White's Elements of Style and apply every single principle of composition, guideline of form and rule of usage to one of my diatribes. 

On second thought, no, I won't. Too much work. It's not like I'm submitting this crap for a grade.