Eddie Arana, Rick Thibodeau, & Chris Bakunas San Diego, Ca. March 2012

Eddie Arana, Rick Thibodeau, & Chris Bakunas San Diego, Ca. March 2012
Eddie Arana, Rick Thibodeau, & Chris Bakunas at Luche Libre Taco Shop in San Diego, March 2012

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Walk The Line Or Walk Away

The world is full of people who have a history of relationships that didn't work out. I'm one of those people. 

Having a few relationships in your portfolio that, while at one time stellar, enriching, full of meaningful conversations and Sunday morning coffee, feeling-like-it-could-last-forever, etc...but just didn't work out is, truth be told, quite problematic at times.

Problematic because eventually one gets a bit introspective, starts wondering - is it making bad choices or being a bad choice?, etc.

At least that's how it is for the first few decades of dating, at least in my experience. Eventually there comes a time when you realize that the probability of finding a partner that you can put up with who can also put up with you is closely tied to two decidedly important factors.

Those factors are 1) How screwed up are you?, and 2) How screwed up are they?

Now, if you are the well adjusted, sane, rational, raised-by-two-loving-and-attentive parents type, that last bit may not make sense to you.

But in the world of relationships, nurture beats the holy hell out of nature. By that I mean the environment you are raised in, the interactions between people that you witness and assimilate every day as you grow from child to adult, well, that's the lions share of what forms your ideal of a relationship.

The desire to mate is one of the basics, but the process of choosing a mate...that's not so basic. It's one of the more important and complicated decisions a person will ever have to make. 

It literally is a life or death decision for some people - relationships don't work out, people kill themselves or each other - every day a Lifetime Channel movie-of-the-week gets a dry run in reality.

Which is a damn shame. Perfectly good, normal people getting so emotionally twisted by a relationship gone sour that suicide or homicide becomes the only way to cope.

Those are people that I must assume were never taught that all things, good and bad, eventually pass. That is a crucial life lesson that an amazing amount of people never are taught, or if they are taught, never grasp.

I'll confess, it took me awhile to understand fully what that meant, but eventually it sank in. Letting go means letting go - don't just tear up the ride ticket, throw it away. The ride is over, time to move on to the next thrill.

Of course, becoming a master of that skill does make commitment a little challenging...

No comments:

Post a Comment