Thinking that you will never write a song as good as
I Will Dare
Imposes limitations that really aren't there
Trying to draw a woman as playfully sexy as Dave Stevens could
On his worst day
Will only convince you you're not any good
Not everyone is going to start in center field
For the Yankees
The world only produces so many All-stars
Some of us have to settle for mac 'n cheese
Instead of Filet Mignon
But as long as you're drawing breath
And eating dinner
You have a chance my friend
To be a winner
So go for it
Some people think we need to explore space
I say we first solve the problems in this place
Look deep into the night sky and view the stars
And wonder if we have earned the right to leave ours
Those people, the ones who want to ride in rocket ships
And spend trillions of dollars on interstellar trips
Don't seem to notice that this planet is in need of repair
Maybe before we leave we can spend a few dollars here
Me, I don't desire anything esoteric or bizarre
I don't need to go anywhere I can't get in my car
However, it would be nice to drive on a 10-lane freeway
Going more than 5 mph at the end of my workday
When, after a few months of getting to know each other
The time came that they removed each other's clothing
He saw for the first time the tattoo
Of the gun on her thigh
Like that of a dance hall girl in a B western
And she saw for the first time the pithy adage
Tattooed across his right shoulder
"Fortune Favors The Prepared"
So she asked him
"Did you bring protection?"
And he replied
"Of course."
Then, she smiled and put her arms around him
Saying with a mischievous grin
"Looks like tonight's your night, Boy Scout."
What does it take to flip your switch? The switch I am referring to is, of course, the switch that sets you off, that gets the water boiling over, that gets steam pouring out of your ears.
Is it being cut off in traffic? Is it being insulted? Is it when you feel like someone is taking advantage of you? How about when someone steals something from you? Or maybe when somebody betrays your trust - is that it?
For me, it's disrespect. Disrespect in my book is defined as treating someone with contempt for absolutely no reason at all. It's being rude, insolent, and insulting all at once.
Allow me to present an example. If you are hosting someone in your home for dinner, or for any reason really, and that person behaves in an uncivil manner towards you or maybe one of your guest, and when asked to apologize actually repeats the action...well, now the line between behaving crassly and being disrespectful has been crossed.
And that's what can flip my switch faster than a bolt of lightning dancing across the far horizon. I cannot stand to be disrespected. I will put up with a lot from people, but when it comes to blatant, hostile disrespect, that's when the alarms go off and the fuse is lit.
I guess it comes down to wanting to be treated as respectfully as I treat others. In the course of my daily interactions with people, I assume everybody is doing the best they can to live a pleasant life that does not include being intentionally inconsiderate to others.
When I do encounter someone that is being inconsiderate, I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt - maybe that guy who cut me off is rushing to the hospital because a loved one has been injured. Maybe that woman who has 37 items in the express lane has to get home to a sick child. Maybe that guy who is staring me down across the bar has just been left by his wife and I unfortunately remind him of the guy she left him for.
My thinking and actions haven't always been that generous, of course, but hey, everyone mellows as they age. If they're lucky. Otherwise you get high blood pressure, ulcers, heart attacks, etc - so choose to mellow if you can.
Back to what I haven't been able to mellow out about. I'm fairly sure it's due to the circumstances of my upbringing - being raised by a single-parent, poor, having little or nothing to speak of in terms of material possessions, having to deal with the taunts of my peers, etc., etc.
Is that a violin I hear playing in the distance?
So? What sets you off? Is being disrespected water off a duck's back to you? I know people who can handle being disrespected with aplomb - it never ceases to amaze me.
Somewhere, someone is blowing on a shofar
Somewhere, someone is greeting somebody with
"Ah gut gebentched yohr"
Or maybe
"Ketiva VeChatima Tova"
It's the Jewish New Year
The first day of Tishrei
The first of the High Holy Days
Of which
I know very little
It was my senior year of high school
When I met a Jewish person for the first time
He was a substitute teacher for my journalism class
Had a series of numbers
Tattooed on his forearm
I stared at his arm in awe
I was well aware of the Holocaust
Having read Shirer's Rise and Fall of the Third Reich
At my mother's insistence
When I was but 12
The words in that book
The pictures
Remain
One of the most educational experiences
Of my life
"That is over one million dollars Kevin. Over one million fcuking dollars. Somebody is going to notice it's gone."
Marty Rameriz is standing in the doorway of Kevin Waller's bedroom. On the bed there is exactly one million, two hundred and sixty thousand dollars. It is by far the largest amount of money he has ever seen. Marty Rameriz suddenly becomes aware of a dramatic change in his heartrate, and that he is now sweating in the air-conditioned apartment.
"I mean, Christ, you cannot just take that much money and not have someone notice it's gone. You just can't."
Kevin Waller looked at his friend. He looked at him with an expression not unlike the one most people have on their face when they are seeing a comedian for the first time, that look of expecting something funny, of wanting to laugh.
"Marty, this money is never going to be missed by anyone, because this money technically does not exist. Not on any ledger, anywhere. It is not on the books of any business, legal or otherwise. It's literally ghost money. Not just untraceable, it flat out does not exist."
With a look of incredulity, Marty stared at Kevin for a long minute. "Don't be stupid Kevin. It exists, to someone, or more likely, to a group of people, and they are going to want it back."
"You're wrong Marty. Like I explained earlier, it did exist, it did in fact somewhat belong to several hundred people. But it was part of a much larger sum each and everyone of those people were attempting to appropriate illegally."
"You stole a small amount of money from several hundred people who stole a large amount of money? Don't you think at least one of those people is going to notice it's gone? Don't you think at least one of those people is going to want it back? Did you think about this at all Kevin? Seriously, this is a whole new level of stupid even for you, man."
"That's the thing Marty, that's what I have been trying to tell you. Those people? Not one of them knew how much they had stolen. They stole a large amount of money without even a vague idea of how much it was, and I took exactly $3,600.00 from each of their loot before they received it. What they got, as far as each and everyone of them know, was exactly what they were supposed to get."
"What? How is that possible? What is that, 350 people? You are not making much sense Kev. 350 people who are stealing large amounts of money are going to know how much they are stealing, and they are certainly going to notice when some of it is missing. How the hell did you get your hands on it before they knew how much they had? How in the world did you even know of 350 people who were committing robbery?"
"It's the 21st century Marty. The age of the Internet. There are thousands of scammers on the Internet bilking hundreds of thousands of people out of millions of dollars everyday. I simply figured out a way to reroute some of their take to me. A totally undetectable, untraceable way."
"Okay, let me hear it. Tell me how this scamming of scammers was pulled off." Martin J. Rameriz walked over to the bed and stared at the neatly piled stacks of twenty-dollar bills. "I'm all ears Kev, this should be interesting."
When she was a very young girl she went to a carnival
With her two brothers she sat entranced
By the Magician
Pulling rabbits and scarves out of his hat
And sawing a beautiful woman in half
She decided right then and there
That was what she wanted to do
She wanted to be the beautiful lady
Who got sawn in half
And made everyone in the crowd
Gasp
She thought it must be fun
To have your top half separated from
Your bottom
As she sat on the wooden bench
She wondered how it was done
And how the beautiful lady
Could smile and wiggle her fingers and toes
When they were now in two different boxes
When the show was over
She wanted to see it again
She had to see the beautiful lady
Get sawn in half and smile and wave
But her father said they had to go and it was just a
Trick
He explained to her it was done with two women
One for the legs and feet and one for the head and hands
So she then decided she wanted to be the top half
So she could smile and wave
At the crowd of people
Who thought she had been sawn in half
