Winter Is On The Way And The Sunsets Begin At 4:30 In The Afternoon

 

Jokes Heard Around The Thanksgiving Day table

Somehow a joke telling session sprung to life at Thanksgiving dinner yesterday. These are the ones I can remember: 

   A man walks into a liquor store and ask the clerk for a case of less. The clerk responds with a quizzical look and asks, "What the heck is less?"

   The man replies, "I don't know but my Doctor told me I needed to start drinking it."

   

   One evening as the communal dinner was getting underway at the convent the Mother Superior stood up and asked for the nuns undivided attention. "Sisters," she said rather gravely, "I'm afraid there have been several cases of gonorrhea in the abbey."

   "Thanks be to God," an elderly nun said. "I've been getting tired of Merlot every night."

    Jerry went over to his friend Dan's house and asked him for help picking out a birthday gift for his wife, as he had been racking his brain for weeks to no avail. Dan told him that the best thing he ever gave his own wife for her birthday was a hand-made certificate that stated she was entitled to two hours of great sex anyway she wants it. Jerry thought that was a great idea and promptly went home, made up a certificate just like the one Dan had, and gave it to his wife.

   A day later Jerry ran into Dan at the gym. Dan asked him how it went with the certificate and Jerry exclaimed, "She absolutely loved it! She jumped into my arms and smothered me with passionate kisses, then ran out the door while yelling that she would be back in a couple of hours."

   Three older men who had known each other since grade school all got married within a few weeks of one another. One Friday evening about three months after the last wedding they met up at a local bar for drinks. Mark, the first one who had gotten married, said his bride, who he had met in Romania, had turned out to be even better than he had hoped and that within three days of him establishing the way things were going to be she was fixing him three hot meals a day and keeping the place spotless. Jimmy, the second one to marry, nods his head in agreement and tells the other two that his wife who he had met in Istanbul also surprised him by agreeing within the first week to his demands that she fix all the meals, wash the clothes, and clean the house. Robert, the last of the three to marry, sits quietly.  

   "Well," Mark finally says, "What about your bride Robby?"

   Robert stares at his friends for a few more seconds and then says, "As you know I married a woman I met in New Jersey. Just as you two did I laid down the law right after the Honeymoon. I told her she was expected to clean the house thoroughly, make sure my clothes were washed, pressed, folded and put away every week, and have breakfast, lunch and dinner prepared daily."

   "The first day I didn't see anything at all, the second day I didn't see anything either, but by the third day the swelling had subsided a bit and I could see a little out of the right eye and I could grip with my right hand well enough to fix myself a sandwich and even operate the vacuum cleaner. However, I'm still feeling a little pain when I have to pee."  

   A man is sitting on a barstool with a huge ear-to-ear smile on his face. A woman comes in and sits down on the barstool right next to him. After placing an order for a glass of mineral water with a slice of lemon, she looks over at the smiling man and says, "Wow, you sure look happy - did you win the lottery or something?"

   The man looks over at her and replies, "Well, sorta. I raise chickens and for years my hens were infertile, but not now. Today I discovered almost all of them are pregnant!"

   "That's great," says the woman, "and quite the coincidence. For years I couldn't get pregnant and I am now. How did you manage to get the hens pregnant?"

   The farmer looks at the woman and states bluntly, "Switched cocks."

   The woman looks back at the farmer and says, "Wow, another coincidence!"

  

Happy Thanksgiving, 2024

   Giving thanks, offering up some serious gratitude, for all the wonderful people (family and friends) I am extremely lucky to have in my life.

  Oh yeah, a pretty cool fat cat, too.

                      

Dialogue For An Action Adventure Movie

 "Because they have guns and guns shoot bullets and bullets put holes in your dumb ass and from those holes your blood will empty out of your body, which will end your life. Think of another plan."

  Answer to the question, "Why can't we just rush them and make our getaway?"

A Soldiers Photographic Record Of Camp Women In Korea, 1954

The Kid Who Threw The Temper Tantrums

   Temper tantrums, that's what they called them. They labeled him a misfit, anti-social, prone to meltdowns without a moments notice. 

   Some of which was true, some of which was not.

   He was a bright boy, and happy for a large part of the time. He was readily distracted however, and grew bored easily. His mind seemed to be forever pre-occupied with something other than what was actually going on, he was an unrepentant daydreamer.

   However, he was also talented, creative, inquisitive - had that certain quest for knowledge that some kids just have. 

   It wasn't just curiosity, he had a genuine desire to learn. he read at a level well past his peers, and without having to be prodded to do so. He had a library card that allowed him to check out up to ten books at a time by the age of 10, an age when nearly all of his contemporaries were still stumbling through Goodnight Moon or Harold and the Purple Crayon, he was plowing through Treasure Island and Beowulf.

   But he was prone to fits of violent rage, that much was undeniable.

  Neighbors, friends, teachers - nearly everyone who had known him for at least six months could recount at least one incident where he just seemed to lose all self-control and become a screaming, crying, flailing tasmanian devil

   In was inexplicable to most, and even those who should have known he needed the attention of a competent Behavioral Psychologist or at least a Psychiatrist just shrugged off those incidents as acting out, and something he should be able to grow out of.

  The idea of therapy of any sort was a moot point though, as the family did not have the financial means to have him examined by medical professionals, and back then access to any free services that might have been of help was non-existent.

   So the teachers at the various schools he attended just labeled him a problem child, a troublemaker, a head case.

  And various schools he did attend, as he was bounced around a number of schools in hopes that a new start might be the solution,

  Of course, that didn't do anything but make him feel more alienated than ever. 

  When he finally reached a grade level at which school counselors were available, they were woefully unprepared for his particular situation. Those counselors were all there to primarily steer students to particular career or employment directions and to try to keep them from causing trouble, especially trouble at the level that crossed the law.

   In his late teens he developed an awareness of his inability to feel safe at anytime, and especially at school. 

   It wasn't quite paranoia, and it wasn't quite insecurity. Its was a distinct level of unease though, a general feeling that he would not be able to effectively protect himself if the need to do so ever arose.

   He began to read various self-help books, especially any books that boasted of being able to help one develop mind control. Naturally that lead to the digestion of a lot of parapsychological claptrap, but he hadn't become skeptical enough to separate the hokum from the empirical yet, so for a few years he embraced quite a bit of what he would later regard as simply foolishness.

   All in an effort to fit in better with his fellow humans.

   By the time he had graduated high school he was fairly certain he was going to be alright. He didn't have a plan of action for the future - he wasn't even sure what his first steps after high school would be - but he did feel everything was going to be alright.

   It took a little more than a decade, but eventually he felt that everything was actually alright, that he was an acceptable part of society, that he belonged.

   He still understood, however, that nothing was guaranteed. He could easily let his guard slip and lose control of his temper if a threatening or fearful situation presented itself. 

    To this day he keeps a constant vigil.

   

   

When You're Good With A Chain Saw And Need To Trim Some Trees