Rant For Myself

Who do I owe for giving me the chance
To get up in the morning with a little song and dance
Able to leap small boxes in a single bound
I'm every bit as good as I ever was right this minute
I'm not through
I'm not through
I'm not through
Can you hear me?
I'm not through!
What do you have to say to that?
I am not looking to play point guard for the Lakers
My ambitions never included playing center field for the Yanks
I do not desire to be the president of a bank
Don't want to be an astronaut
Just want to live in Camelot
Like anybody else
I'm not keen on surrounding myself with people
Who agree with me
I'd much prefer to have those that would argue
My point of view
I'm on the fence when it comes to the pets
That neighbors should be allowed to keep
Maybe a man-eater is just a bit too much
Monkeys and Pekingese 
Friday and Saturday night in the bowling alley
It's abject nonsense
I can't bowl to save my life
I'm an extraordinary buffoon
I can play the mandolin (three chords)
I don't wear a beard, it's a goatee
My face is less than flawless
I'm an idiot
No, no, I insist I am
I'm an idiot
You have no idea how much so  
How am I a captive?
I won't be a captive
Leave me free
I don't understand the concept of God
Yet I understand it's necessity
I cannot comprehend true believers
Because I do not have that experience
I believe in the Ten Commandments
Because they make perfect sense
I eat like an animal
I eat far too much most days
I have no patience for Tarot
I have yet to visit Rome
I'm an unapologetic agnostic
I'm a raging skeptic
I don't believe in Scientology
I like to think I'm an internationalist
I like to think I'm universalist
I'm a renaissance man
Who likes twentieth-first century conveniences
I'm just a simple, albeit very lucky human being
My house is painted empire yellow 
Because it reminds me of the sun
I own a Ford F-150 and a Lexus RX350
My bed has a real box spring
Not one of those crappy foundations 
The mattress weighs a ton
I have never flipped it once 
My dining room is just a breakfast nook
With a small table and four chairs
I have an Indian made hand-knotted rug 
On the floor of the front room
I know a few words of French
I know a few words of Spanish
I speak English with a Southern California accent
Whatever that is
I have read Charles Dickens 
Just to say I have read Charles Dickens
Much prefer Ray Bradbury 
Or even Michael Crichton
Agatha Christie 
I listen to the Beatles and the Clash
And Bruno Mars 
I once subscribed to Spy Magazine
And the Skeptical Inquirer
I own a complete collection of the works of Phillip Roth
Even Our Gang (plodding read, that)
I have studied Architecture, English, Art History
Even took a stab at math 
I've got Lithuanian blood flowing through my body
As if that makes any difference as to who I am
It could be Ukrainian blood
Or possibly Belorussian blood
Polish blood
Maybe even Russian blood
Eastern European blood
The blood of my forefathers
My mother's mother's mother's blood
Everybody's blood
Family tree tells me there's Norwegian blood
And I've been told there's a bit of German blood
As well as Irish blood
And what-all not
It's just an accident of birth
I am fortunate enough to be an American
Though I don't suppose I'd mind being
French, Andalusian, Japanese or Australian
I pay my income tax, sales tax, property tax
And many more taxes I don't understand
I have been to court on a few occasions
But I have never served on a jury
I have voted for the sheriff
Mayor and councilman too
And of course the President
I never had to go anywhere and fight the enemy 
In a Great War
I am a Republican
I am a Democrat
I am a Libertarian
I am an Independent
My hair has decided to break up the gang
And leave for parts unknown
My nose may be just a bit askew
And my shoulders not as broad as they use to be
But I still like Baseball
Basketball
Soccer
And sometimes Football too
I am glad to be alive
There's so much to enjoy
I am glad to be alive
This is the beginning of it all
Join me