A Few From The Irish On Saint Patrick's Day

    A pompous English tourist entered an Irish pub in Dublin one afternoon and was promptly offered a pint of Guinness by the barman.

   Without hesitation he declined the libation and exclaimed, "I'm an Englishman good sir - born and bred in England, I proudly live as an Englishman, by the grace of god I hope to die as an Englishman, and I demand a proper English Gin and Tonic!"

   A wee Irishman on a barstool nearby looks over at him and comments, "Have ye nay ambition in ye at all, then?'

   The tipplers of County Kildare

Say it's more than pink elephants they fear

There's red rabbits, purple bats

Chartreuse rodents and magenta cats

 That jump from their whiskey and beer

   A tired old Irish pensioner visiting London was getting ready for bed in his hostel room when a beautiful young English lass in a nearly transparent negligee walked through the door. 

   Looking at the frail elderly man she blushed and exclaimed, "Pardon me sir, I've entered the wrong room!"

   "Aye", sighed the venerable gent, "and thirty years too late as well."

There once was a young lass from Blarney

Whose knowledge of French was simply "Oui oui"

To this very day

Men's glasses are raised

To honor her memory in Paree

   Stout Mrs O'Leary was on trial for domestic abuse. The Prosecutor had her on the stand and, indicating her bandaged up husband sitting forlornly at the counsel's table, stated loudly "Do you you expect this court to believe that a physical wreck such as your husband was able to give you a black eye?"

   Mrs O'Leary looked over at the jury and replied, "He wasn't a physical wreck when he gave it to me."