Reckless Aging

 

   Life Hack: If you hit your thumb dead-on with a framing hammer, heat a needle and stick it straight into the middle of your thumbnail to relieve the pressure caused by the hemorrhaging underneath it.

   Or don't - depends upon how squeamish you are, and whether or not you can exert the somewhat gentle but strong force necessary to penetrate your thumbnail with a hot needle.

   Oh, criminy, stop being a big wuss and just do it, it'll relieve the pain fairly quickly and might save your nail.

   Then soak the thumb in a solution of clean water and Epsom salts. Might then want to but a bandage on after the soaking/cleaning - one of those extremely large mummy bandages like you see in cartoons would be best.