Baby, It's Hot Outside*

I really can't play

Baby, it's hot outside

Like, a hundred and two in the shade

Baby, it's hot outside

This afternoon has been

A perfect match for a Dutch Oven

So freakin' hot

I'm feeling like a lobster boiling in a pot

My mother will begin to swelter

Honey, can't stand the summer weather?

My father will be kicking the A/C

Trying to coax it to the lowest degree

So, I really better be jettin'

Honey, no need to start sweatin'

Maybe we could both drink lemonade

I'll put a CD in while you get it made

The neighbors are beginning to stink

Baby, it's stifling out there

Say, can I get more ice in this drink?

No fans to be found around here

I wish it would snow

Your eyes are like melting, you know?

Or at least an hour of cool rain

Take off our clothes and dance in the floodplain

I wouldn't yell "no, no, no sir"

Mind if I take a cold shower?

I'll state out loud that I almost fried

It's not a matter of saving face or pride

I really can't play

Baby, Don't even doubt

Baby, it's hot outside

Ugh, it's very muggy, you know?

I like to think of it as semitropical

I wish it would snow

Baby, it's hot outside

The answer is, "Go"

But Baby, it's hot outside

The world is a furnace

If we're not careful it'll turn us

Into extra crispy human

Floating in a bowl of steaming ramen

My sister will be pernicious

Damn, that's downright capricious

My brother will be out on the porch

As on fire as the human torch

My hipster Aunt will be malicious

Damn, that's downright officious

Burnin' like a funny cigarette does

The kind that gives you an ugly buzz

I've got to get a swamp cooler

Baby, that would be the best thing ever

We could put a pool over there

Bring down the temp in here

Turn this place into a cool oasis

Then touching wouldn't faze us

I think I'm beginning to see

The value of a quality A/C

Maybe it won't be so hot tomorrow

We could be at the top of Kilimanjaro

And there will be plenty of iced tea

At least a gallon each for you and me

I really can't play

You have to cut that noise

Baby, it's hot

Baby, it's hot outside

Okay, we'll have another lemonade

That took little to no convincing

*Apologies to Frank Loesser