I Don't Wanna Rock, I Want To Slam

                        Along Colorado State Route 24, West Of Woodland Park

Late last night I received a text from a friend who was attending the Rock of Ages concert at the Pepsi Center that featured Def Leppard, Poison and Lita Ford. The gist of her multiple texts was that Def Leppard still rocks, Poison does too, and Lita Ford does as well. She also repeatedly stated that I should have been there, as the concert would have "rocked my ass off".

I then realised that this friend of mine, who I have known for quite some time, has no clue as to my taste in music.

Def Leppard, Poison, Lita Ford...talented musicians and entertainers I'm sure, but they hold absolutely no appeal for me. It's not only not the sort of music that would rock my ass off, it is quite the opposite - it's the very music I hurriedly skip past when I'm searching for a decent station on the car radio - even when I'm driving through Utah in the middle of the night and I know full well there is no other radio signal for at least 100 miles.

I momentarily entertained the idea of texting her back that I thought she was confusing what would rock my ass off with what would bore my ass to tears, but I didn't. Instead, as I have about a million times since I was a teenager (really, a million - or maybe millions - but certainly not a billion - I would hate to exaggerate), I pondered why I do not find most popular music, especially the popular music of the era that most of my contemporaies wax nostalgic over, the '80's, even remotely interesting, not to mention enjoyable.

It's not a recent turn in my taste, not at all. I have never been able to get into what has generally been broadcast on the radio (especially before satellite and internet radio).

When I was in my twenties, the chart-topping music, the music that was everywhere on the radio,did nothing for me at all. Acts such as Foreigner, Madonna, Bruce Springsteen, The Smiths, Billy Joel, Elton John, Jefferson Starship, Michael Jackson, Phil Collins, Judas Priest, Journey, REO Speedwagon, Europe, Asia, Boston, Kenny Loggins, Lionel Ritchie, Bon Jovi, Quiet Riot, Culture Club, Slayer, Queensryche, Styx, Heart, Aerosmith, Public Enemy, Whitesnake, The Jets, George Michael, Salt-N-Pepa, Ted Nugent, Roxette, Warrant, Garth Brooks, Mariah Carey, Alice In Chains, Pearl Jam, Sir Mix-A-Lot, The Black Crowes, Sonic Youth...none of those acts ever appealed to me. Not in the slightest.

Oh sure, one of those acts would occassionally put out a song that would grab my ear - Lionel Ritchie did it with Sail On, Quiet Riot did it with Bang Your Head - but those were huge (and still to this day, unexplainable) exceptions.

On the whole, all of the music those talented, skilled, dedicated-to-their-craft peformers created...did nothing for me. To be blunt, I thought all of it was unlistenable dreck.

I cannot explain why, just as I cannot explain why the music of the Replacements, Long Ryders, Rank & File, Lords of the New Church, Plimsouls, Violent Femmes, Cheap Trick, The Jam, Annie Lennox, Yazoo, Midnight Oil, De La Soul, The Pogues, The Clash, Josie Cotton, Devo, Squeeze, Dwight Yoakam, The Fleshtones, Jim Carroll, Peter Gabriel, Rockpile, Hoodoo Gurus, The Knack, Madness, Prince, Beastie Boys, The Nails, Translator, Pete Shelley, Del Lords, 20/20, Screaming Blue Messiahs, Agent Orange, Joan Jett, The Stranglers, k.d. lang, Billy Ocean...all appealed to me, big time.

It's a mystery to me why one song with very limited public appeal could make me feel like turning up the speakers until my ears hurt (say, She's Like Heroin To Me by the Gun Club) while a song with a much broader public appeal made me want to take a twenty pound sledge to my speakers (say, anything ever recorded by Loverboy).

And it continues to this day. I couldn't listen to Teenage Dream by Katy Perry if it would save my testicles from a pack of ravenous Rottweilers, but Arvydas Sabonis by Margot and the Nuclear So and So's is definitely rocking my ass off.

Yep, I pondered that little question for a good minute or so last night, then deleted the texts and procceded to get back into the Don Matteo episode I had been watching. 

Some questions are just not answerable. I might as well be asking myself why I like the color magenta.

Margot and the Nuclear So and So's played the Larimer Lounge here this past May. I didn't text anyone I knew here about it - if there's one thing I became aware of as a young man, most people think my taste in music sucks. I've grown comfortable with that and no longer try to convince anyone else otherwise.