The Best Little Haunted House On The Block

Gotta admit, it's glorious.

Bernie Makes A Car Buying Decision

The salesperson had made quite the presentation, pointing out the various features and the benefits derived from them, as well as producing paperwork that certified the low cost of maintenance and the fuel economy.

Bernie was smitten with everything about the small car, from the twin chrome tailpipes to the four-speed manual transmission. His eyes danced around as he took in the graceful curve of the streamlined body as it sloped towards the rear bumper - a tubular bumper that sported more chrome, of course.

"Yes," thought Bernie, "this is the perfect automobile for me. Not only does it meet my expectations for comfort - man the headroom is unbelievable - it's been proven to be safe and reliable. I'm buying it!"

The salesperson returned with a large folder of the necessary purchase documents. In less than thirty minutes Bernie was going to be a proud owner of a brand new car. His smile was literally identical to the smile he had on his face when he first met his wife Cynthia.

The smile was not just reflective of his level of happiness, it also indicated an extreme level of personal satisfaction, for he knew that his purchase of this car would have the same effect on his parents, especially his father, as his decision to marry the beautiful blonde, blue-eyed, pale-skinned Cynthia had. 

Bernie smiled even wider as he drove off the car lot in his shiny new deep green car with a full tank of gas. He ran his right hand over the curve of the dash while gripping the two-spoke steering wheel with his left.

"This is just going to give the old man a heart attack," Bernie mused. "I'll never have to put up with his overlording BS again."

Thus Bernard Donald Koepelman became the first American Jew to purchase a Volkswagon Beetle, the car Adolph Hitler had directed Ferdinand Porsche to build so that the average German would be able to take full advantage of the new countrywide road network he was building. 

A new road network that was built to accommodate even the heaviest of military vehicles, tanks included.

My Three Jack O' Lanterns

Only have three pumpkins carved into Jack O' Lanterns so far this year - kinda busy with other dealios. 

Still might be able to get a few more in though...

The House Of Green Light

Add caption, or not. I'm a suggestion, not a cop

The Memory Of Sensation Machine

"You mean to tell me," the weary looking old woman said, "that you have a devised a means to reproduce the memory of a sensation. A specific sensation. Is that really what you are claiming in this paper Dr. Hutchins?"

"That is not only precisely what I am claiming Dr. Samuels, it is precisely what I am doing. With my Consciousness Restoration & Recollection Configurator, I can not only help anyone remember anything that happened to them at anytime in their lives, but I can also bring back the exact sensation they were feeling at that moment, whether it was physical, emotional, or otherwise!"

As he spoke Dr. Robert Hutchins gestured grandly with his long thin arms, which made him appear to be mimicking one of those rather large advertising balloons designed to draw people to used car lots.

"This will be the greatest invention of the ages my dear Dr. Samuels - imagine the demand for this device, and then multiply what you are thinking a thousand times! Every human being on the planet will want to own one of these! Why, I would wager that the use of this machine will be able to bring about world peace! People will no longer have to turn to alcohol or drugs to escape! Mood disorders will disappear! The desire for power or control can be completely eliminated! I stand before you today unapologetically proclaiming that you may actually be in the presence of the man who saves the planet!"

"Dr Hutchins, get a hold of yourself. You have only an untested hypothesis and a rather wild description of a device that Rube Goldberg himself would call preposterous." 

Dr Eva Samuels leveled a quiet gaze at Dr.Hutchins, and continued. "From what I can gather the materials required to build this machine of yours would cost a small fortune, which I do not believe you have at your disposal."

"You are wrong and you are also right, Dr. Samuels. You are wrong about the hypothesis being untested, and about the device being preposterously difficult to build, though you are right about it being expensive - cost nearly three million dollars, which was tricky to raise, I'll admit."

"What?!" Dr Samuels looked both incredulous and dumbfounded. "Robert, are you claiming to have actually built this machine and tested it?"

"Yes indeed, and that is why I invited you here tonight Eva. Excuse me for just one moment."

With that Dr. Hutchins walked to the back of his laboratory, gathered up a box slightly bigger than a breadbasket, and walked back to the table at which he and Dr. Samuels had been sitting.

With an unnecessarily dramatic flourish Dr. Hutchins lifted the top off the box, reached inside with both hands, and lifted out what appeared to be a large, brightly polished helmet not too unlike the type used by ceremonial military guard units.

Except the helmet was humming, and appeared to be slightly vibrating. And there were at least ten thousand hair-thin wires sticking out of the surface of the helmet and arching back into it.

"Try it Dr. Samuels, try it. All you have to do is put it on and wait a few moments for the machine to sense the activity that is happening at a cellular level in your brain, and to create a cybernetic link. Once the machine is in communication with the psychic apparatus of your mind then it will seek out the sensory neurons. The rest will be up to you - by which I mean you will have to think of a memory that you want to feel again."

Dr. Evangeline Samuels stood quietly staring at the helmet-like device in Dr. Hutchins outstretched hands for several minutes. Finally she reached out and took the machine in her hands and lifted it directly above her head. "Okay Dr. Hutchins, I will give it a try. Is there anything I should be aware of in terms of side effects?"

"Well, you may want to sit down first," He said as he motioned to an overstuffed easy chair, "and you probably should not venture too far back with your initial memories. Childhood memories always lead to a lot of crying once the device is removed." 

Knockin' Them Poles To The Ground

The Wannabee Comedian

Everyone has the potential to be funny, intentionally or not. Just slip on a banana peel in front of a group of people and someone's bound to laugh.

Of course, it'd be nice if someone also rushed over to where you lay splayed out on the ground and checked to ensure you were okay, too.

Disco Emergente

The Music Was The Draw

Corvettes and Porsches

Alongside

VW Beetles and beat-up sedans

In a twenty-acre parking lot

Old army surplus tents 

And brand new Coleman's

Side by side and filled

Head to toe

With the children of hard working

Middle-class, or those striving to be
Middle class

80,000 non-conformists 

Conforming for the weekend

It Wasn't What The Snake Had To Offer, It Was The Snake's Presentation Of The Offer

With a lisp, I suppose

Without Exception, There Are Very, Very Few Exceptions

Get in line, tow the line
Don't you dare even think about getting
Out of line

The out of line 
Will be put behind
High walls top with barbed wire and without windows
They'll be put behind bars!

Keep your shirt tucked in, tie straight
Don't you dare even think about wearing
Anything bright
Perfectly creased dark wool slacks
And black shoes with a spit shine mirrored finish

This is life for you
Expect to be told what to do
And don't ever dream of being free to dream

The dreamers
Will be hunted down and captured
Then taught the error of their loathsome ways
They'll learn all about nightmares

Learn to face the facts, the incontrovertible facts
The facts that will be crammed down your throat
On a daily basis
Disguised as soundbites or entertainment
Made digestible for you by the loving management

One Foot Up The Staircase, One Foot Glued To The Landing

The First Miserable Measurable Snowfall Of The Season

Winter Wonderland time again, at least for one day. It's been getting cooler over the past week or so, but last night the temperature dropped 40 degrees and snow starting falling.

Next Wednesday the Meteorologist are predicting the temperature will be back above 60. Such is life in Denver.

Automobile Hood Ornaments, Into The Jet Age

Almost Immediately following the end of WWII automobile manufacturers began incorporating the sleek, streamlined and almost sensual aerodynamic looks of one of an innovation in flight that made it's appearance in the waning days of the war - the Jet fighter.

Hood ornamentation became an important part of automobile design. Visual elements that, it was hoped, would subconsciously impart the idea that driving the car you were looking at would be as exciting as flying in one of the supersonic aircraft that were beginning to criss-cross the skies in vapor trails.

Automobile Hood Ornaments, The Early Years

Initially, hood ornaments were not meant to be ornamental at all. They were simply radiator caps that incorporated temperature gauges so a driver could keep an eye on the water temp and keep the engine from overheating.

The day came, however, when engineers figured out that moving gauges to the dashboard was a bit more practical than having them mounted clear at the end of the hood, and radiator caps became simpler, though manufacturers early on recognized the importance of keeping brand identity front and center.

So, as part of brand identity is usually a readily identifiable symbol, many of the early manufacturers jumped on the chance to enhance brand identity by incorporating the company name and symbolic element into a icon of sorts that could be mounted on the hood of the car as part of the radiator cap where the temperature gauge once stood.

This practice continued for decades, even though some of the ornaments had become quite elaborate and made removing the radiator cap a tad difficult.

Eventually some engineer decided to put the radiator, cap and all, under the hood, leaving the top of the hood as blank as a fresh canvas. Car designers being artists were not about to have any of that, and thus was born the purely decorative hood ornament.

 

Buggin' Out

The Outta Sight Righteous Groovy Scene From Last Nights Dream

The club looked and sounded like the sort of club
I'd only ever seen and heard in bad mid-'60's movies
Made hurriedly on a shoestring budget, designed to capture The zeitgeist of whatever moment the kids were caught up in 
And rake in a nice little pile of cash

Music that sounded similar to what was popular then
But was just not quite what was actually on the radio
Played loudly in the background
Jangly guitars with lots of reverb and echo
Semi-serious socially conscious lyrics with a chorus

Women wearing knee-high white vinyl boots
Short dresses or miniskirts draped with fringe
That shimmied and swirled as the girls
Shaked and swayed their hips and pursed their lips
Dancing in cages suspended from the ceiling

Lights coated the walls with brightly colored lava flows
That undulated in time to the music
Supposedly being performed by the band onstage
Fronted by a lanky long-haired singer in a leather vest
Slapping a tambourine while singing into an unplugged mic

It's a touch odd to wake up from a dream
In which you are singing along to a song
About having had too much to dream
Last night

Stabilization Of A Tenuous Nature

Bronco's Country

Broncos mural by ColoradoCrush.org on the side of a restaurant off Hampden in Englewood