There's Not A Wall Built That Can Hold This Back

 

Last Of The White Fence Farm

 

A Good Time In Chicago Once Or Twice

 If I remember it right, which I'll admit is debatable                                          We had a good time in Chicago once or twice                            We enjoyed each other's company 

                        Eating brunch and walking along the shore of                                     Lake Michigan for a few hours afterward 

         Took pictures on Navy Pier                                                                               (in front of that statue of Bob Newhart)

 Bought Chicago dogs to eat, you got mustard on your dress               Then laughed our way through that place with the maze

Decided to have dinner at a place solely because we saw a                    Prince impersonator carrying birthday balloons                                                             Walking in the front door

Where did we have breakfast the next morning                                                                      I really can't remember 

      Was it that one place that bragged                                                                          They served the world's finest coffee     Or that other place in Lincoln Square on West? 

                     It wasn't all that long ago you'd think my recall                           Of such a great place and time would be                                   Crystal clear but it's not

What was the name of that place we danced at

                                  After we had dinner near Wrigley Field                                           You know, the place that featured                                                 The best '80's cover band ever? 

Man, they kept us on the dance floor for hours 

    It was more than just another good night out in a good town It was a great night out in a great town 

     Even if we missed out on seeing the Cubs play                                                         Hey they lost to the Brewers anyway

Yeah, if I remember it right, which is debatable, we had a good time in Chicago once or twice

                           Back when we enjoyed each other's company

Centipede

 

It has been estimated (by those that estimate these sort of things) that there are around 8,000 species of centipedes on this planet.

Most of them are venomous.

So be careful when you see a centipede, and never try to pet them.

...Just A Bit Blustery The Other Day...

 

The Exact Wrong Way To Bar-B-Que

 

The Scream Of The Ice Maker

There is never a good time to be awoken by what sounds like the cat and dog have taken up musical instruments and are being directed in their use by the ghost of John Cage.

It is especially not good when that cacophonous noise is being heard from the general area of the kitchen, and it's 3:30 in the morning.

But that is exactly what occurred in my home yesterday.

Immediately after being awoken by the blaring discordant noise I bolted to the kitchen to see just what in H.E. double toothpicks was actually creating that loud dissonance (having quickly dismissed the idea that either the cat or dog could possibly be that tone deaf) and promptly walked into what I can best describe as the sound made by a hundred sticks being dragged across 100 chain-link fences by 100 young boys running back and forth along the 100 chain-link fences.

Yeah, that  sound.

I quickly narrowed down the source of the noise being the freezer side of the side-by-side freezer/refrigerator. I opened the freezer door and was nearly deafened by the chattering- hammering of a thousand drunk woodpeckers - it was that much louder and that much more annoying with the door open.

I closed the freezer door to mute the death march of the penguins and determined that I would have to pull the appliance out from against the wall in order to pull the plug in hopes of silencing whatever it was inside the freezer that was making the god-awful sound.

I wasted no time in doing just that, and the sound died seconds after I pulled the plug.

I once again pulled open the freezer door and then emptied the two shelves that were located directly below the ice-maker, as I had decided the ice-maker was most likely the culprit.

I also removed the ice basket that the ice-maker filled, and the shelves themselves, in order to get an unobstructed view of what I was dealing with.

This is where I started to look for the cause of the problem:

I poked my head as far into the freezer as I could and saw what I thought was ice behind the slots of a grill that was directly below the housing of the motor that turned the auger that pushed the ice cubes down the chute that led to the outside of the freezer - I took as close up of a photo of the grill as I could to better ascertain if it was indeed ice I was seeing.

Yep, that was ice in there, and it was no doubt interfering with the small fan that kept the frosty air circulating below the ice-maker. 

I went out to the garage and got the smallest socket wrench I had and a socket wrench extender, as well as a few different sized sockets (metric and standard).

1/4" did the trick and with that in hand I first removed the housing of the auger motor and placed it on the kitchen counter.

Next I removed the cowling with the grill that covered the small fan.

Which revealed the fan...trapped by ice like an old Russian ice breaker in the Arctic sea.

So of course I grabbed a hammer and chisel and started to chip away at the ice (gently, of course).

It took a few minutes, but soon the fan was ice free.

I plugged the appliance back in and viola! The fan was once again humming along quietly.

Now all that was left to do was to put everything back together again and hope I didn't end up with extra parts or screws...

365 Days Later

   One year ago this morning I walked downstairs and heard a very quiet plea for help. When I turned the corner into the kitchen and looked down the short flight of stairs into the lower level I saw MJM sprawled on the floor, unable to stand.

    One year ago today he was laying in a bed in the ICU at St Anthony's here in Lakewood, an IV full of a liquid clot buster inserted into his arm, unable to stand much less walk, his speech nearly unintelligible.

   He had suffered an ischemic stroke.

   Ischemic strokes account for 87% of all strokes (hemorrhagic strokes are the other 13%). Ischemic strokes are caused primarily by high blood pressure with several other risk factors at play, including high cholesterol, obesity, diabetes mellitus, and atrial fibrillation.

   Treatment for strokes today is incredible. MJM has not made a full recovery (his left field vision is pretty much gone), but he can walk unaided, use his left arm and hand at about 85%, and can speak clearly - heck, he speaks better now than he did before the stroke.

   However...that stroke could have been prevented if only...

   If only MJM had annual physicals (he hadn't seen a Doctor for nearly 30 years before he ended up in St Anthony's). If only he took better care of his body (MJM was a notorious couch potato). If only he had a better diet (living on fast food and soda is not a healthy diet).

   There are a few other things he would have been better off avoiding, but his former vices are his business so I won't divulge.

   Today is a great day for MJM to celebrate life, and a few other friends and I made sure of it.

   The only other thing to mention regarding strokes is that, if you haven't had a physical in awhile get one scheduled soon.

   The life you save may be your own.

Feeling The Pinch

 

What A Great Day To Go To The Beach

 

If only it wasn't 1100 miles away...

Too Easily Bemused

 

Idiots To Criminals, Geniuses to Statesmen

I'm up to my eyes in it

May as well let the cat out of the bag

It's no longer a secret so I'm just goin' to have to admit

My heart's no longer willing to submit

For awhile now patience's been wearing a red flag

Timer getting louder and louder with every passing minute

Too many zeros following that number on the price tag

All those best laid plans hitting every imaginable snag

Sometimes the truth sets you free 

And sometimes the truth sentences you to life

Alone like a shipwreck victim in the Saragossa sea

Down the maelstrom of sorrow in a barrel full of strife

Can no longer close my eyes to it

If I try to keep my mouth shut any longer I'll gag

I took a bite of the ice cream but all I got was sand and grit

Can't push the envelope any further, time to quit

Cat no longer curls up in my lap, dog's tail refuses to wag

Going down on strikes like Rob Deer, can't buy a hit

Running slower than a snail suffering from jet lag

Can't get any worse and I'm not trying to brag

Sometimes the truth sets you free 

And sometimes the truth sentences you to life

Alone like that one partridge in that pear tree

Which wasn't even close enough to satisfy that guys wife

Dedicated Transmission Slot

 

Enough Is Enough

I'm fairly certain I've had my fill of memorial services for this year. 

Three to date and it's only early June.

People I've known for decades being taken much too young, much too soon.

 

Someone Just Shouted "Shazam!"

 

A Little Rain

 He woke up with a song from Bone Machine playing in his head

Wait's gravelly voice sandpapering his ears from the inside

It was the song with the bit about the 15 year old hitchhiker

Who climbed into the van of a serial killer

A disturbing recounting of the last words she ever spoke

"I love you Mom", according to Tom

It's A Weird World After All

The neighborhood looked artificial at first glance but closer examination revealed that everything was quite real but altered in such a way as to appear artificial.

For example, the lawns, which all had an eerily consistent Kelly green color and were as smooth as velvet, were not some advanced astro-turf like product, they were real grass, carefully manicured every morning and nourished only with water that had been carefully distilled and treated with various minerals that resulted in the almost fluorescent Kelly green hue.

The trees also looked like props, but they too were real - groomed and modeled as they grew to be straight as possible, limbs carefully trimmed so that they were evenly spaced, symmetrically even as they encircled the trunk.

Every house was Hollywood set department perfect for prime-time viewer appreciation. Nothing in sight that could mar a particular shot or scene.

The sole exception was the residence of one Charles (Chas to his friends) Tankleton. His house and yard looked like he had spent every spare dollar he had on the worst examples of yard art available, and every last bit of spare energy he had creating the most eclectic, esoteric holiday displays possible.

For every holiday imaginable, btw. 

On January thirteenth, National Sticker Day, he had covered his house and all the plants & trees in the front yard with stickers - it looked like a NASCAR racecar that had secured the sponsorship of hundreds of small batch breweries. 

He must have taped the stickers in place, not actually applied them, because the next day they were all gone, replaced by a display honoring National Dress Up Your Pet day which falls on January 14th.

His pets, a dog named Sammy and a cat named Pinkers, were not amused.

Yeah, there's always one. 

Ten Handy Tips For Making Friends

 1) Introduce yourself as yourself. Not the best possible version of yourself and not the worst, just you being you.

2) Don't smell offensively

3) Don't be creepy

4) Wherever you are, be there for what's going on there. If you are at a concert, be there for the music. No one at that concert went there to hear your views on vaccinations, how much the country sucks, health care, or whether or not Elon Musk is sane.

5) Get involved with a group that enjoys doing what you enjoy doing - it's the age of the internet, the greatest time to be alive in the whole history of civilization. 15 minutes on Google researching local groups that are comprised of people who like what you like will get results - tens to hundreds to thousands to millions of results (seriously, I just googled "chair collecting" and got 60,300,000 results in 0.79 seconds - did you know Brad Pitt is a chair collector?)

6) Go back to school, no matter how old you are - never to late to learn something new and make new school chums.

7) Learn to read people - if you introduce yourself to someone who instantly treats you with disdain, politely move on. Do not waste your time, energy or efforts trying to win someone over because you think they are supercool. No, they're not.

8) Do not overshare. You know what I mean

9) Do not start a conversation then dominate the conversation. Conversations are give and take, not you just speaking to people.

10) Play nice

When We Blind Ourselves Pt II

We neutralize

All good characteristics they will ever display

Trivialize

Any kind words they might have to say

Scandalize

Their behaviors no matter how blasé

Ostracize

As if they have no right to fair play

Stigmatize

Relying on rumors, half truths and hearsay

Demonize

Everything about them, every minute of everyday

Our villains

When We Blind Ourselves

 We idolize

Without mention of flaws

Mythologize 

Never remember the falls

Apologize

Sweep away any miscalls

Canonize

Enshrine in sacred halls

Optimize

Shout down all the catcalls

Sanitize

Polish up the critic's scrawls

Our heroes