The art, adventures, wit (or lack thereof), verse, ramblings, lyrics, stories, rants & raves of Christopher R. Bakunas
Eddie Arana, Rick Thibodeau, & Chris Bakunas San Diego, Ca. March 2012
Monday, February 27, 2023
Triptych: The Transcendental Vacuum Torrent Principle
Sunday, February 26, 2023
The Classic Sea-Shanty As A Show Biz Cautionary Tune
Saturday, February 25, 2023
Envy Man Vs Gratitude Man
Yesterday I was told in no uncertain terms that I was naïve for believing that we (as in all of us, every single living soul on the planet) are living in the best possible time to be alive there has ever been, at least as far as recorded history goes.
The person who leveled that accusation at me is someone I consider very intelligent, and also very socially aware, but at the same time I regard that person as intellectually blind and, for lack of a better descriptor, envious.
Not envious of me - actually not envious of anyone in particular (that I know of) but still, envious.
Yesterday was not the first time this person told me I was naïve, BTW, and this might not be the first time I've written about him stating it. Life repeats itself and so do I.
If I had to describe the specific type of envy this person is afflicted with, it would be an envy of other people's living situations - not of other people's material wealth or status or abilities, but of their actual living situations, how they go about their lives on a daily basis without having to deal with the stuff he has to deal with.
For, if you ask him, he has to deal with a lot of bad stuff that other people do not, and it's all because of either big business or the government or some other external factor.
From the perspective of an outsider looking in there are people who would be amazed to learn that I consider this person envious, as this person has everything most people could ever want - a home of his own (really a condo, but it is a sweet condo in a great complex - the amenities included with his HOA include a community center with a pool and a nice little gym), a newer car (it's electric, too!) and a great job (technically he's self-employed, but works as often as he wants too, and makes more than most people I know).
He also goes on a lot of vacations, but that's something I'm envious of and this is about his envy, so we won't discuss that.
Because his envy seems to me to be the specific reason why he believes that I'm naïve.
See, this person has a habit of pointing out things that he perceives as being "unfair", and then elaborating on the unfairness as being the result of either A) big business, or B) the government.
Yes, I realize that it is odd for a person to lay the blame for world problems at the feet of both big business and the government, but this is truly something he does without fail.
The point is, whenever he does this I am in the habit of contradicting him, pointing out flaws in his reasoning, and generally maximizing the positive aspects of whatever it is he's harping on and minimizing the negative aspects.
Our discussions are never really contentious BTW, as he and I have somewhat of an unspoken agreement that each of us are entitled to our opinions, no matter how wrong they may be.
However, I have a blog and he doesn't so I'm going to tell the world how wrong he is for being unable to see how good we all have it (again, as in all of us crawling across this big blue & green marble), and that while he may level accusations of naivete at me, I'm going to retort with accusations about him being envious.
Because we live in a wonderful time to be alive, one in which the technology exist that allows me to publicly post rants that anyone on the planet with access to the internet can read, and nod their heads in agreement with.
Right?
Friday, February 24, 2023
Repression Of The Upper Class
Tuesday, February 21, 2023
Monday, February 20, 2023
The Passing Of A Genuine Man
Sunday, February 19, 2023
Roastin' Hot Dogs On The Road
Picture and paragraph from Popular Mechanics, 1947
Ever get a hankerin' for a hot dog while driving down the road? Did you ever wish there was a way you could just toss a few 'dogs in a cooker designed to be used in a car to make satisfying that nearly insatiable hankerin' possible?
Well, your wish has been granted! Or rather, it was granted over 75 years ago when the Thomas company of Chicago introduced the Mickey's Hot Dog Sizzler. It could cook two hot dogs at one time and was small enough to store in most glove compartments.
Unfortunately, these are no longer being manufactured. Maybe one will pop up on Ebay.
Hard to imagine that in this day and age of self-driving electric cars that boast infotainment screens almost twice the size of the average home television screen available to the retail consumer 75 years ago, a person has to satisfy their on-the-road hot dog hankering with cold wieners.
Friday, February 17, 2023
Thursday, February 16, 2023
Changing Horses In Mid-Life*
He looked at his phone to check the texts that had come in while he was sleeping. Rondo needed him to call as soon as he read Tyler's report, and Joe Talbotte wanted to know if two o'clock his time (four o'clock Joe's time) would work for a short conference regarding the Rialto project's timeframe.
It still amazed him how he was able to read the text in the morning without the aide of reading glasses, but right around three in the afternoon he would start seeing nothing but blurry letters on a fuzzy screen. He wondered if anyone else experienced that phenomena and made a mental note (which he would no doubt forget) to ask a few friends in his age group about it.
Quickly and efficiently he continued his morning routine after he replied to each text. He put his gym clothes on after removing his pajamas, kissed his still sleeping wife on her cheek, then headed downstairs.
The coffee pot was full and he thought to himself for the umpteenth time "the person who invented the programable coffee maker should be in some sort of inventors hall of fame" as he filled his cup after adding the small shot of flavored creamer.
Standing at the kitchen sink he stared out the small window as the first light of the sunrise began to creep over the horizon. He loved the fact that the kitchen window looked due east for both the unimpeded sunrise, which 90% of the time energized him for the day, and for the fact that when he returned from his office the sun setting behind him meant the view east was dark, which 100% of the time relaxed him.
He walked out his front door and breathed in deep. Living in a small town might dull some people senseless, but he had not only embraced it, he had grown to love it. It was much, much calmer than living in what he now termed "that horrible monster" of a city that his early days with the corporation required. When he was first told he was going to have to take such a remote assignment, both he and his wife balked, as neither he nor his wife could imagine living so far out in what all of his co-workers (and his wife's co-workers as well) referred to as the "middle of nowhere".
His superiors at the corporation explained that the small office in the Midwest required a person of his abilities, and it was expressed to him in no uncertain terms that the request for him to take over that office came with an unspoken "or else find other employment".
Explaining that to Tara was rough. He actually thought she was going to file for divorce when he first told her the news. After all, she had a career of her own and had worked hard to secure a partnership with the firm she joined twenty years ago right out of law school.
However, after their first visit to the small town and initial interactions with the residents, Tara had not only opened up to the idea, she fell in love with it. It was almost instantaneous, especially after she realized that not having to deal with a constantly ringing phone or endless seemingly pointless meetings was nothing short of heavenly.
The door to his car opened with a bit of a fight - ever since that little fender bender it had stuck just a little due to the slight twist in the alignment of the door to the frame. He'd get it taken care of someday, or he'd just trade it in as-is next year, when he finally bought that staple of small town life, a pick-up truck.
Bright sunlight bounced off the snow covered lawns of his neighborhood as drove down the quiet street. The Saddlers were up walking their dogs and they shared good morning waves as he drove past. The gym was only a mile and a half of start and stop driving from his home, and it probably would have been much healthier if he just walked to the place, but then he wouldn't be able to sip his coffee or listen to the morning show on the small town radio station, which was live and amateurishly unrehearsed, not some nationally syndicated, completely scripted, infinitely duplicated dull format with two or three earnest young clowns reading celebrity gossip as if it was earth-shattering news.
He internally hummed the theme to Green Acres as he drove through the center of town. It was too early for most of the shops to be open, but there were a few people up and at'em.
Jerry was in front of the courthouse raising the flag as he always did, Miss Richards was putting the small A-frame sign with the day's pastry specials listed in bright chalk out in front of her healthy alternatives pastry shop, and Miles Tinsley was shoveling a little more snow off the two lanes that fronted his garage.
He pulled into his usual parking space in front of the gym. Through the large plate glass window in front of the building he could see three other early risers exercising as he got out of his car. Randy greeted him at the front desk as he entered, just as he did every other day (Randy alternated the morning shift with Gail, who he was not-so-secretly infatuated with but had yet to ask out).
"Morning Mr. Hertzberg, how's it hanging?" Randy beamed his usual greeting through enviously straight white teeth. "Great, Randy, it's another wonderful day. You ask Gail out yet?" Randy blushed slightly at the question, and replied, "Nope, still waiting for the right moment". "Well, don't wait too long, girl like that is going to have other suitors you know". Richard Hertzberg quipped as he walked toward the three other people in the small gym. Randy looked wistfully after him and wished he had his confidence.
The three other men, all of them retired and all of them dressed like it - sweat pants and ratty T-shirts - smiled and greeted the friend they all referred to as Hertz as he approached. Hertz returned the greetings to each individual by their nicknames as well. Opening the small gym after he and Tara had moved to the "middle of nowhere" was one of the best things he ever did.
When they had finally decided to make this town their new home they had quickly ascertained that the only places they would be able to meet and interact with the general population were either the VFW hall, one of the local churches, or one of the five small bars. Since neither he nor Tara found any of those places appealing, he decided to open a small gym and she had opted for opening a flower shop.
The residents of the town were fairly welcoming and embraced both of the new businesses and their respective owners, as not only were these new businesses filling spaces in buildings that had long been vacant, they were both businesses the residents were surprised to discover they actually needed and liked to frequent.
So not only was Richard's decision to take the remote assignment out in the "middle of nowhere" working out, so was Tara's decision to accept a buyout of her partnership in the law firm and follow him to the "middle of nowhere".
Sometimes, life just works out well, especially for people who make the best out of what some people would deem less that optimal situations.
*This story is very loosely based on a couple I met in a small town a few miles outside of Dubuque, Iowa several years ago. The names and exact circumstances have been changed at the request of the subjects of the story, but the gist is pretty much spot on.
Wednesday, February 15, 2023
Where Have All The Spudnuts Gone?
Leafing through an old copy of Mechanics Illustrated (April, 1952) and oh happy day, I chance across an article on the brothers Pelton (Al & Bob, shown above), creators of the Spudnut, and the Spudnut pastry shops.
It always amazes me when I discover something that once existed on a fairly large scale that I've never heard of. Spudnuts (basically donuts made from potatoes) were sold in Spudnut shops worldwide (at one time there were 170 Spudnut shops in Japan alone). From extremely humble beginnings in 1940 in Salt Lake City, Utah, by 1968 it was the largest doughnut franchise (of any kind) in the United States.
Tuesday, February 14, 2023
Sunday, February 12, 2023
Saturday, February 11, 2023
The Demi-God's Date With Justice
It was not his fault. This much Azeron was absolutely sure of. As absolutely sure as a god could be, or in his case, as absolutely sure as a demi-god could be. He swore to himself that it wasn't his fault, and to a few of his friends, too.
Oh sure he had been responsible for a number of calamities that befell the human race, just as many as any of the other gods, he mused. However, he was also responsible for a great many of the blessings that had made life wonderful for a great many humans, especially that of a certain poet during the late stages of what the humans termed the middle ages.
But did he get any credit for that? No, not an iota. All the humans cared about at that time was the plague brought on by Derbisterg, a lesser known demi-god of pestilence, which completely overshadowed the poet's good fortune.
It also didn't help that most of the human populace that knew of the poet couldn't read, and it damn sure didn't help that the poet chose to live as a hermit.
He couldn't figure out how his name had been drawn into the conversation regarding the volcanic eruption in the area the humans referred to as the Mediterranean. It had been at least a millennium since he had even glanced in that direction, much less concerned himself with it. In fact, no god that he had known of had paid attention to that area of the world since the populace had all began ignoring them and started venerating Jehovah and Allah.
"Hah!" Azeron thought. "If any gods should be getting the blame for disasters in that area of the world, it's those two!"
Of course, he would never speak those words aloud. Those two possessed the belief power of billions of humans, far more than all the other remaining gods (and demi-gods) combined. He was toast if either one of them even suspected his thoughts.
Azeron momentarily wondered what it would be like to wield that much belief power. He would be able to do anything.
He quickly put an end to that line of thought as he approached the vast Hall of Judicature. His presence had been requested by the Tribunal and as far as he could gather it had to do with the volcanic eruption. He could think of nothing else that would be important enough to warrant their attention.
Timidly he opened the large door that lead into the antechambers where he would be temporarily stripped of his powers, including his immortality, before being lead into the main theater.
He had been stripped of his powers before and he dreaded the process. In his mind there was nothing worse than being stripped of his powers...it made him feel so...human.
Thursday, February 9, 2023
Wednesday, February 8, 2023
Obit Posted In A Dive
Tuesday, February 7, 2023
Words Of Wisdom For The Day
Sunday, February 5, 2023
Not Every Father Deserves To Be Called Dad
Saturday, February 4, 2023
Thursday, February 2, 2023
The Ticking
He loved his chair. It was large enough to accommodate his frame, well-padded but not too puffy, and when fully reclined it placed him in an unbelievably comfortable position that allowed him to fully relax but without putting him out of range of the small table to the right where he kept the remote.
The upper bustle of the chair, where his head fit at an angle that, while cradling his big melon like a baby still supported his neck enough to allow him to watch the television without strain.
One fine afternoon as he was ensconced in the chair while watching a rerun of a show that was first broadcast nearly 65 years ago (Della Street was exchanging witty repartee with Paul Drake again) he suddenly heard what he described as a slight, insistent ticking.
Except it wasn't the ticking sound one associates with a clock or a watch. It was more like the sound of a very small drummer playing a very small drum...very slowly. Like a military tattoo, but at a painstakingly slow tempo.
He heard the ticking when his head was enveloped in the upper bustle. It stopped when he popped his head up. For a few minutes he experimented with the placement of his head on or near the bustle and he was quickly able to conclude that the ticking sound was only heard when his head was in full contact with the bustle.
He got up and examined the entire upper half of the chair as if he was performing an autopsy. Carefully he ran his fingers over the supple leather covering, hoping to find something that could be responsible for the sound. All he felt though was the soft stuffing used to fill the bustle - noting like a watch or small clock or anything...mechanical.
He searched under and around the chair and found nothing in the vicinity except a few old stale Cheetos and miscellaneous crumbs of indeterminate origin.
After twenty minutes of searching, he sat back in the chair. He then sat up straight in the chair and twisted around to look at the bustle and ran his left had over it again for the umpteenth time.
Nothing.
Then he again sat back and fully reclined, nestling himself into the chair until he was again in his preferred comfy position.
He sat perfectly still and listened.
Still nothing. The ticking sound was gone. He remained as still as he could for a few more minutes, straining to hear.
Not the slightest sound. He grabbed the remote off the small table and turned the television back on, thought to himself he must of just imagined the sound, and renewed his interest in watching Lt. Tragg once again being upstaged by Perry.
Then he heard the voices. Small, tiny voices that sounded like two or three people having a whispered conversation...somewhere inside the upper bustle...