ElectraWoman and DynaGirl

                     Markie Post as ElectraWoman and Anne Stedman as DynaGirl, circa 2001

In 2001, Warner Brothers Television decided it would be a good idea to revive ElectraWoman & DynaGirl, a short-lived Saturday Morning live action series that Sid & Marty Krofft put together in the late '70's. 

However...it was apparently decided a few updates were necessary for the new millenium. The pilot, starring Markie Post as ElectraWoman and Anne Stedman as DynaGirl, has been posted on YouTube. I've taken the liberty of transcribing the action and dialogue, as it is absolutely jaw-dropping hilarious.

The opening, after a very short animated depiction of ElectroWoman & DynaGirl, Is a flashback to an incident at a carnival in a montage of shots. A very young girl who we eventually will learn is Judy skips happily through the Midway and is then seen sitting alone on a Ferris Wheel. 

A cable on the Ferris Wheel is shown to be fraying, then young Judy falls and is seen grasping the lap bar for dear life, dangling above the midway. 

ElectraWoman's boots are depicted striding through the crowd...the camera cuts to ElectraWoman using her Electrabeam to repair the fraying cable...then cuts immediately to ElectraWoman climbing a ladder that is conveniently attached to the Ferris Wheel...and just as the young Judy loses her grip on the lap bar, ElectraWoman grabs her hand and, smiling, says, "Gotcha."

The theme song playing in the background features these lyrics (Swear to freaking Zeus, these are the actual lyrics):

Defenders of the innocent
Fighting all evil deeds
Risking free the century (?)
Hiding the life they lead

ElectraWoman & DynaGirl...

Trouble is their middle name 
Assistance be their game

ElectraWoman & DynaGirl...

Summoned to ElectraBase
By ElectraComp they wear
Lori and Judy dare to face
Any criminal anywhere

ElectraWoman & DynaGirl...

So as that inspirational number is playing in the background, here's what happens next.

DynaGirl shows up after the rescue, running through a crowd of people:

DynaGirl: "Coming through, coming through - move! Electra-awesome! I miss everything!"

ElectraWoman and young Judy walk hand in hand a few feet away from the Ferris Wheel.

Young Judy: "I love you Miss ElectraWoman!"

ElectraWoman: "You can call me Electra, honey."

Young Judy's smiling face is then shown morphing into a young adult Judy, now attending a college in the modern day. She runs down a flight of stairs (in a large auditorium, where a "Welcome Alumni" banner is hanging) and over to a table where a young man who we eventually learn is Judy's boyfriend Griffin, is sitting.

Judy: "Is she here yet?"

Griffin (pointing motion, snicker): "In all her glory"

Quick shot of glamour model posing next to the Dalai Lama (seriously).

Judy: "No you idiot, not the January porncow (at least that's what it sounds like to me), ElectraWoman!"

Judy picks up clipboard, looks at long list of names:

Judy: "She isn't on here!"

The January porncow model approaches the table:

Griffin (laughing nervously): "Can't have thy name?" 

Shot of Judy turning towards a young woman:

Judy: "Daisy! Did the Homecoming committee drop Electra from the list?"

Shot continues as camera pulls back and shows Griffin holding an adhesive name tag looking at the ample bosom of the January porncow (she's wearing what looks to be a bikini top). He's mumble-laughing nervously, trying to decide where to adhere the name tag to her.

As the young woman referred to as Daisy approaches the table and picks up the clipboard, Judy grabs the name tag from nervous Griffin and slaps it on the January porncow with a quick smirk:

Judy: "Have a good time."

Shot of Daisy with invite addressed to ElectraWoman in Las Vegas. Invite address has a large red slash through it:

Daisy: "The invite came back."

Judy: "Why didn't you mention this to me before?"

Daisy: "Because you're a Freshman and not officially on the committee, because you were the only one who wanted her, and P.S., ElectraWoman never even graduated."

Judy: "ElectraWoman's chosen to live out of the public eye."

Daisy (Spins away flippantly): "Whatever."

Judy (Demonstrably calling after Daisy): "She's saved hundreds maybe thousands of lives!"

Griffin (from behind Judy): "Judy"

Judy (turning aggressively toward Griffin): "What!"

Griffin: "Chi-i-l-l-ll! The alumni awards ceremony isn't until halftime tomorrow, and Southwest flies every hour to Vegas." (looks at watch)

Judy: "Is that the watch I gave you for Christmas?"

Griffin rolls eyes, looks at watch, which chirps: "Yes Griffin"

Griffin: "I've made a few modifications."

Judy: "Book me a window seat..."

Shot of Griffin looking up with expectant look on his face:

Judy: "...and no you can't come."

Griffin sits down and speaks into the watch:

Griffin: "Dial Southwest" (Speed dialing noise is heard)

As Griffin is calling Southwest, Aquaman approaches the table (Yes, Aquaman):

Aquaman (heatedly, pointing finger at Judy): "They're serving halibut at the luncheon!"

Judy: "Oh I'm sorry Mr. Aquaman. (reaches into purse) Please, use my meal card at the cafeteria."

Aquaman (smiling, nodding): "Thanks."

Animated lightning bolt cut to shot of trailer park, camera coming in from high angle to find Judy walking past trailers in various states of disrepair. She pauses momentarily to look disgustedly around.

Cut to shot of interior of trailer, ElectraWoman in civilian/slutty clothes, chewing gum, cleaning off kitchen counter with scarf while opening extra-large can of Spaghetti. Judy can be seen outside the trailer from the inside jumping up to look in the trailers window as the camera pans.

Cut to shot of Judy knocking anxiously on the trailer door:

Judy: "Open up!"

ElectraWoman (dumping spaghetti into pot on stove): "If the trailers rocking don't come knocking!"

Same camera pans to door, Judy is visible through small window. Judy throws door open and barges in right past ElectraWoman:

Judy: "Where's ElectraWoman! What have you done with her?"

ElectraWoman (sarcastically): "Oh Gee, come on in."

Cut to shot from behind ElectraWoman looking towards Judy, who is standing in front of a lifesize cardboard cutout of ElectraWoman and DynaGirl that she is oblivious to. Mechanical woman's voice from DynaGirl cutout is activated: "Electra awesome! Electra awesome! Electra awesome! Electra awesome...

ElectraWoman (turning towards counter, hands thrown up in frustration): "Shit!" 

Shot of ElectraWoman frantically searching for, then finding her Electrabeam on the counter. She slaps it a couple of times and the lazer fires at the head of the cutout of DynaGirl, burning a hole in her forehead and shutting off the mechanical voice (the voice dies out similar to the voice heard from the dying robot in WestWorld).

Shot of Judy blowing out the flame in the hole burnt through the cardboard DynaGirl's head. Judy does a double take at the cutout, then turns to ElectraWoman, who has returned to stirring the spaghetti and is snickering.

Judy: "Oh my god, you're her, you're ElectraWoman!"

ElectraWoman (walking towards counter, hand waving, then grabbing large bottle of booze): "You can call me Lori...but I haven't changed that much...have I?"

Judy: "Well I'm pretty sure you didn't used to smell like cigarettes and macaroni and cheese."

ElectraWoman: "I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name."

Judy: "Judy...Judy Pope. I'm representing the UCLA Homecoming Committee"

Shot of ElectraWoman with cynical look on her face, takes a big pull from the bottle.

Judy: "You didn't open up your invitation."

ElectraWoman: "Oh...I thought it was some sort of student loan bill or something."

Shot of ElectraWoman walking across room with bottle of booze, taking chewing gum from her mouth:

ElectraWoman (with back to Judy): "So you just trotted your cute little collegiate fanny over here to hand deliver, huh?"

Camera pans, shows Judy looking perplexed, brows furrowed:

Judy: "Yeah, I thought..."

Camera pulls back further, shows Judy throwing both arms down in exasperated gesture as ElectraWoman attempts to light a cigarette with a uncooperative lighter:

Judy: "What happened to you?! You're a Superheroine! How can you be...trailer trash?!"

ElectraWoman (still trying to light cigarette with uncooperative lighter): "Aaaahh, they don't pay you to save the world honey...the money's in endorsements...fey...Flash made a fortune off those FedEx ads.'

Shot of ElectraWoman giving up on lighter throwing it to the side. She turns to face Judy.

ElectraWoman: "And my ex-husband took off with my bank book, my car, good vibrator, my wigs..."

Camera switches POV to behind ElectraWoman as she walks towards Judy. Suddenly, the trailer lurches and both ElectraWoman and Judy are sent tumbling. They both break through the rear window of the trailer and sprawl on the ground as the trailer is towed away from the trailer park. Car alarm sounds as the tow truck pulls the trailer.

ElectraWoman (sitting up): "Yippee, free towing."

Animating ligntning bolt cut to interior of a Chinese restaurant. Flash is seen picking up a take out order, checking it, then speeding away in a red blur. Camera then switches to a tight shot of ElectraWoman and Judy sitting at a table having dinner:

Judy (Gesturing emphatically): "ElectraWoman, you just don't stop being a superhero."

ElectraWoman (knocking back a drink): "Hmmmph!"

ElectraWoman (setting down drink): "Look Babe, hard as it may be to fathom, the world doesn't want me anymore...I was never superhuman or superpowered...I was never so interesting as Superman."

Judy: "But..."

ElectraWoman: "I mean come on, face it, technically the guys an alien, right?"

Judy (shaking her head): "Yeah, bu...."

ElectraWoman: "Batman, he's got that whole Gothic thing...Wonder Woman, better tits."

Shot of Judy raising her eyebrows.

ElectraWoman: "Fake...but...fey...fabulous" (takes a huge pull from her drink). 

Judy: "But that's exactly why I pretended to be you. You were human, you were..."

Quick cut to ElectraWoman.

ElectraWoman (cynical smirk): "Young"

The two exchange disappointed looks.

ElectraWoman: "So this whole scavenger hunt thing...it's not just about that Alumni deal, right?"

Shot from ElectraWoman's POV of Judy reaching into her purse and pulling out a snapshot, which she hands to ElectraWoman. 

ElectraWoman takes the snapshot and camera looks down on it from her POV. It is of ElectraWoman and young Judy taken at the carnival where ElectraWoman had saved Judy from falling. ElectraWoman looks over at Judy.

ElectraWoman: "Ferris Wheel?"

Camera shows Judy excitedly nodding her head.

ElectraWoman (holding snapshot, excited): "Damn, I remember you!"

Judy (smiling wide): "You do?"

ElectraWoman: "Yes! Your parents were out of their minds but YOU were so brave! Buck toothed, but brave."

Shot of Judy laughing with embarrassment.

Judy: "Look, why don't you fly with me tomorrow, to UCLA?"

ElectraWoman: "Gee...why don't we sleep on it? Now Judy...Ju...?"

Quick shot of Judy nodding her head acknowledging her name is Judy.

ElectraWoman: "No one wants to see ElectraWoman as a solo act."

Judy: "No problem, take DynaGirl." 

Shot of ElectraWoman taking a swig, cynical smirk on her face.

Judy: "What's she been up to?"

ElectraWoman: "Oh probably still blowing my ex-husband."

Judy (looking embarrassed, flustered): "Oh."

Animated lightning bolt cut to still shot of postcard from the Heartbreak Motel in Las Vegas.

Following shot is of camera panning out from Judy hunched over the mini-fridge, putting all the small bottles of liquor into a plastic bag. From the bathroom the noise of a wax job being performed can be heard, punctuated by yelps of pain from ElectraWoman.

Judy (emptying mini-fridge): "I guess I'm pretty lucky...only a few people know ElectraWoman's true identity."

ElectraWoman (her voice, coming from the bathroom, as Judy scurries around the motel room looking for a place to hide the alcohol): "Yeeaaghh! (sound of wax strips being pulled from skin)...right...you, my parents, the Lakers...aaagghhh..."

Shot of Judy finding a hole where a wall safe had been behind a heart-shaped mirror and putting the bag of small liquor bottles there.

ElectraWoman: "...discriminating readers of Juggs..."

Shot of Judy, brows furrowed.

Judy: "I must have missed that issue."

Camera shows Judy running to sit in a chair as ElectraWoman comes out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel.

ElectraWoman (holding a box of home hair waxing removal product): "Think I'll skip the bikini wax...bathroom's yours."

Shot of Judy heading to the bathroom. As she crosses the room and passes ElectraWoman, they exchange mistrustful looks.

Shot of ElectraWoman opening the mini-fridge, discovering it empty. Looks in the direction of the bathroom petulantly. Walks around the room. Takes a big sniff, heads right to the heart shaped mirror and finds the liquor. She opens a bottle with her teeth, smiling.

Shot of Judy minutes later bursting out of the bathroom wrapped in the shower curtain.

Judy: "You took all the towels!"

Shot of Judy looking disappointed at ElectraWoman passed out on the bed. She walks over and pulls the blanket over her, turns off the TV, and takes an empty small bottle out of her hand. 

At the end of the bed is a large trash bag with all of ElectraWoman's belongings. Judy takes it to a table and opens it, discovering a DynaGirl costume inside. We see her smile and nod her head.

Animated lightning bolt cut picks up the scene with Judy tapping the leg of ElectraWoman to rouse her out of bed. ElectraWoman groggily comes to and turns her head to look at Judy who is now wearing the DynaGirl costume.

Judy (very excited): " Tahdah! I booked us a gig, a jewelry superstore!"

ElectraWoman (still laying in bed, in a faint, groggy whisper): "I don't think so."

ElectraWoman then turns back to the pillow and closes her eyes tight.

Running over to the side of the bed, Judy shakes ElectraWoman on the shoulder.

Judy: "C'mon, wake up, we have an hour to get there. We'll do a little meet and greet, and then we'll go right to the airport."

ElectraWoman turns and looks up at Judy in amazement.

ElectraWoman: "Who hit you with the perky stick? (she sinks back to the bed, hand on her head) Why do you care so damn much about my life?"

Judy: "I'm returning the favor."

Quick shot of ElectraWoman looking up at Judy, then cut to a static shot of the exterior of a large pawn shop, Double Nickel Jewelry & Pawn. The two heroes are mis-identified in a sign painted on the windows in large letters.

ElectraWoman (In a curt tone): "Electric Lady and Diner Girl..."

Judy: "Free ice water."

They look at each other, shake their heads. ElectraWoman adjusts her bra.

Scene switches to the interior of the pawn shop. Slow pan shows an elderly guard yawning, drinking coffee. ElectraWoman is sitting in a folding chair at a small folding card table. Judy as DynaGirl is standing beside her. There are no customers in the store.

Judy: "I'm sorry...(runs to the other side of ElectraWoman)...they had the biggest ad for jewelry in the yellow pages."

ElectraWoman (twirling pen meant for autographs, sarcastically): "Aren't you having fun?"

Judy: "Well, I, uh, would be having more fun if the leotard wasn't creeping into my secret places..."

Camera is momentarily on ElectraWoman turning her head (and Markie Post is clearly trying to keep from laughing).

Cut away to Judy, who is startled by the sound of the front door slamming open. Two criminals enter the pawn shop, one with a shotgun that he uses the butt end on to quickly knock the pawn shop owner out. He then points the shotgun at the elderly guard.

Criminal 1: "Sit!"

The guard, who had gotten up, sits back down in his chair.

Criminal 1 (while motioning with his head to criminal 2): "Guns."

ElectraWoman and DynaGirl are situated towards the back of the store. DynaGirl has her hands in the air, but ElectraWoman is trying to sneak out the back door,

Judy: "Electra!"

Shot of criminal 2 using his elbow to smash the glass on gun cabinets.

Judy: "What are you doing? Go and save the day!"

Another shot of criminal 2 breaking the glass on a gun cabinet.

ElectraWoman: "You go save the day!"

Judy: "You're the superhero!"

ElectraWoman (with a dismissive wave of her hand): "The security guard has it covered."

Quick shot of the security guard desperately using an inhaler.

Judy: "I can't believe I was so wrong about you!"

ElectraWoman (rolls her eyes, steps away from backdoor, turns towards criminals): "Dammit! Hey Blondie..."

The two criminals look up from ransacking the gun cabinets.

ElectraWoman: "You picked a really wrong day for this."

Criminal 1 (smiling, walking from behind the counter): "I'm holding a gun...a big gun."

ElectraWoman: "Oh please, I've had bigger things than that up my..."

Judy interrupts, rushing forward, gesturing frantically.

Judy: "Stop right there, uhm, uh, evildoer!"

Criminal 1 looks confused, Judy turns to look at ElectraWoman.

ElectraWoman (nodding her head): "I have goosebumps."

Action scene: ElectraWoman throws a tray of jewelry across the room and hits criminal 1 dead center in the forehead, knocking him down. She then kick flips the table, grabs it and runs across the store into criminal 2, sending them both sprawling to the floor. Judy stands by with brows furrowed. Criminal 2 grabs ElectraWoman around the waist as they both get back up, and they somewhat wrestle like that. Criminal 1 gets back up and rushes towards them with gun in hand. The security guard gets up from his chair and intercepts criminal 1 and they start wrestling over the gun. Another shot of Judy looking scared, confused. ElectraWoman is struggling to break free of criminal 2's grasp when she sees Judy standing in the corner.

ElectraWoman: "Kick him!"

Judy: "Where?!"

ElectraWoman: "In the b-bag!"

Judy: "Okay."

Judy runs towards the entangled ElectraWoman and Criminal 2 as ElectraWoman lifts her legs out of the way. Judy plants a hard kick squarely in criminal 2's nutsack and he immediately collapses.

ElectraWoman: "Not bad."

Judy: "I use Pilates!"

ElectraWoman and Judy high five, but then the shotgun is fired and they look at criminal 1 and the security guard fighting over the gun. The gun goes off again, then ElectraWoman makes a flying somersault leap onto the counter, jumps up to a chandelier, and swings over and past criminal 1 (who has broken free of the security guard and has the gun pointed right at his chest), but on the swing back falls directly on criminal 1, knocking him down.

As ElectraWoman gets up off the floor, criminal 2 starts to get up off the floor as well. Judy waves frantically in his direction.

Judy: "Use your ElectraBeam!"

ElectraWoman points her wristband ElectraBeam at criminal 2, but as she fires the device malfunctions, sending an electric jolt down her arm.

ElectraWoman: "Mother...futher!"

The following shot shows Judy dancing around frantically until she sees a guitar, which she picks up and slams down on the back of criminal 2, knocking him out again. Criminal 1 gets up off the floor as this happens, and turns to face ElectraWoman without his gun.

ElectraWoman: "Don't..don't...too tired..."

Criminal 1 rushes towards ElectraWoman, who executes a flying backflip that puts her boots into criminal 1's jaw, and he's down for the count.

Judy: "Electra Awesome! (big enthusiastic smile) I've always wanted to say that."

Sirens can be heard as Judy helps ElectraWoman up. The camera pans the store until POV is out the front window, where a TV station's news van is pulling up along with the police.

ElectraWoman (adjusting a bra strap): "Huh! Whattaya know, my public awaits."

Animated Lightning bolt cut to the exterior of the store. News van and police are shown departing. Judy excitedly approaches ElectraWoman.

Judy: "My 15 minutes of fame! More like 15 seconds probably, heh."

ElectraWoman: "You know Honey I don't want to sound too...you know...sincere...but thanks."

Judy stands embarrassed, arms swinging. Electra Woman puts on sunglasses as they turn to walk down the sidewalk.

ElectraWoman: "I guess we missed the football game."

Judy: "Oh that's okay, the team's terrible."

 ElectraWoman: "Yeah, well most teams are until they've...been together awhile."

The two look at each other and then give each other one of those sideways hugs.

Short cut of an animated DynaGirl with hands on hips being yanked off screen by ElectraWoman, then the scene shifts back to the UCLA cafeteria. A wall-mounted TV is showing the action at the pawnshop while a newscaster states: "Surprisingly, there has been no sign of either ElectraWoman or DynaGirl following the..."

Judy and Griffin are seated under the TV, having lunch.

Griffin: "I can't believe you waited two weeks to come clean."

Judy: "Don't tell anyone."

Griffin: "You know your secret identity is safe with me...DG! Hah ha! Hey Judy...you don't still have that sweet looking costume, do ya?"

Judy: "No, I left it in Vegas...why?"

Griffin: "No reason" (Griffin is shown looking Judy up and down suggestively as she turns to look up at the TV).

Another animated lightning bolt cut, this time to the door of the dorm that Judy shares with Daisy. Judy walks through the door and sees a large suitcase on the floor. 

Turning around, she hears female laughter coming from the men's showers at the end of the hall. She slowly walks toward the sound of a familiar voice and splashing water.

Judy (pushing open door that leads to the men's showers): "Hello?"

The camera stays on Judy's face as we hear loud feminine giggling

ElectraWoman (laughing loudly, off camera): "I bet I can guess which one of you is Feldman!"

Judy: "Oohh!"

Judy turns and runs back down the hallway, She is followed by ElectraWoman who is wrapped in a towel

ElectraWoman: "Honey...Honey wait!"

Camera shows ElectraWoman hurrying on after Judy as two young studly looking guys in bath towels follow her out of the men's showers.

Cut to ElectraWoman wrapped in towel walking into Judy's open dorm room as Judy turns around.

ElectraWoman: "Eh! Hi!"

Judy: "What are you doing here!"

Shot from Judy's POV of ElectraWoman throwing up her arms in exasperation.

Judy: "Uhm uh, well I mean I'm happy to see you but...why didn't you call?"

ElectraWoman: "Oh, Tahoe, pleasure swing, Russell Crowe, or at least he said he was...anyway it's long story. Uhm, I got your costume dry-cleaned."

Judy: "My...?"

ElectraWoman (throwing suitcase on the bed and pulling out a long sheet of paper): "Yeah, and I also got some things for you to sign here, it's a..."

Judy: "You want me to be DynaGirl?"

ElectraWoman: "Oh Honey, you already are."

Judy: "This is so hot...I've pulled some clippings, possible cases...your arch-nemesis Glitter Rock is out on parole"

ElectraWoman: "Look at you."

Daisy walks into the dorm room suddenly.

Daisy: "Heeeyyy! I didn't know your Mom was in the house!"

ElectraWoman makes a move to take a swipe at Daisy as she walks past, but Judy grabs her by the arm.

Judy: "Actually, this is my friend Lori."

ElectraWoman: "Hi Roomie."

Daisy and Judy (in surprise): "Roomie!"

ElectraWoman: "Oh yeah, I didn't mention? I'm going to finish my degree in Fashion Design, maybe join the chess club, going to crash here!"

Judy (Taking Daisy aside and leading her out of the room): "Uh, can I talk to Lori... in private?"

Daisy: "You better talk to her...very slowly."

Judy quickly turns to ElectraWoman and holds her back from going after Daisy.

ElectraWoman: "So...!"

Judy: "Lori...I would be honored to be your DynaGirl...Really honored! But you can't stay here! You're...(ElectraWoman steps out of camera range and towel is thrown at Judy)...naked! Again."

ElectraWoman (holding up a pair of panties): "Do you think your roommate would mind if I borrowed some of her underwear?"

Judy (looking miffed): "No, I think she would want you to keep them. Look...Lori. I can fix this. I can find you an ElectraCave or something, I mean we can be a team..."

Camera shows ElectraWoman, now wearing pajamas, reaching into dorm fridge.

ElectraWoman (pulls out bottle): "Oh, peachy, wine coolers. Okay, let's toast to us."

Judy: "In two words, 12 steps. Let's toast with Snapple."

Camera shows ElectraWoman twisting off the top of the wine cooler while looking plaintively at Judy. Lightning bolt cut to animated end credits that show ElectraWoman picking up bottles of booze only to have them shot out of her hands by DynaGirl using the ElectraBeam.

That's it, as best as I can transcribe about 14 minutes of film. How was that pilot never picked up?

Disclaimer: Only the transcription of the pilot is copyright by Christopher R. Bakunas. Original script was by Elisa Bell, direction was by David Grossman, and the whole kit and kaboodle probably belongs to Warner Brothers Television