Another Push That Was Once A Pull

Last night a friend of mine informed me that his wife had told him she was filing for divorce.

No marriage counseling, no couples therapy, just divorce.

I know this friend fairly well - he's a nice guy, quite nicer than most, actually. He's a hard-worker, belongs to a church that he actually attends (not that that makes anyone better than people I know who don't), and he is, as far as I know, loyal to his wife. 

I cannot recall him ever saying anything disparaging about his wife, either.

So the news was surprising. 

It sucks to have to go through a divorce, no matter how bad the marriage was - I'm speaking from experience here. My heart goes out to my friend, for he is about to endure a level of emotional pain that can be felt physically, and what makes it worse is, of course, the two children they have.

Divorce is incredibly difficult for young children, and here I'm speaking from the perspective of being a young child when my parent's got divorced.

It's difficult for me to judge anyone who gets a divorce though, because I know there are cases where divorce is absolutely necessary, especially in situations when young children may be either subject to abuse or have to witness abuse.

But I still hate divorce, I still hate what divorce does to people.

There is no way I can even pretend to know what it takes to keep a relationship healthy & happy, or hell, even civil when the seas get rough, but I have to believe there must be something, some special, magical thing, that couples who do endure together for decades upon decades, possess.

Maybe it's due to innate abilities that not everyone is fortunate enough to have been born with, or maybe it's a learned skill, a practiced and finely honed skill that anyone could learn if only they had the presence of mind to know it was a skill they knew they lacked, and had the good sense to aggressively pursue the development of such.

Over the course of my lifetime I have known several couples that have faced adversity and hardships beyond the pale, and not only did their relationships survive, they appeared to thrive.

The only thing I have ever been able to attribute the ability of those couples to survive their various ordeals to is the mutual belief that they were a team, and nothing but nothing was going to beat their team.

It's something I have never experienced myself, due to either my inability to commit fully to the team ideal, or to the inability of my partner at the time to commit fully to the team ideal.

That dynamic, that level of commitment, that's the stuff of dreams as far I'm concerned.

To be able to put the team first, to be able to quash whatever selfish desire is pushing or pulling one in a direction that would not be beneficial for the team, that would be a fantastic ability to have.

I know, I know, you're probably reading that and thinking to yourself, "Well then do that, you idiot".

If only it was that simple. 

Seriously, if only it were that simple.

*Sigh*