Homeless Like A Mongrel Stray

"To be honest, with myself and with you, I know exactly how I came to be homeless."

The heavily lidded hazel eyes of the weary looking man stared right past me as he spoke, his hands gesturing as if he was trying to toss something very light into the air.

"The details, well, I can't remember all the details, but I do remember most of the bullet points."

He smiled just a little when he said that, as if he expected me to be surprised that he would use the words 'bullet points' in a sentence. I stared at him nonplussed and waited for him to continue his story.


"I think it was about a decade ago. I was living with two other guys in a place not too far from the bay. We had rented the house together and we split all the expenses three ways. That worked well until Kyle lost his job."

I nodded my head as I listened, looking over at him when it seemed he was needing more acknowledgement that I was listening to him than just a nod of my head.

"Yeah, that really screwed the pooch right there. See, me and Justin, we had both been just scrapping by and without Kyle's share of the bill money, there was no way we could keep the house. The first month we were short on the rent the landlord booted us out. Kyle went back to his parents house and Justin moved in with his girlfriend. I had nowhere to go so I slept in my car while looking for a roommate wanted situation."

He didn't say anything for about twenty seconds, which seemed like a really long time, so I looked up at him and said, "That was it? That's all it took for you to start living on the street?"

"Well...no, hold on a minute."

His face contorted a little as if he was physically trying to screw up some courage, and then he continued.

"Okay, so I'm not going to gloss over any of it. See, me & Justin & Kyle, we'd all shared a little bit of a habit, a drug habit...an addiction. When Kyle went back to his parents it was with the stipulation that he check into rehab, which was the same thing Justin's girlfriend required of him. Me, I didn't have those options, or rather, I didn't have anyone offering those options to me - my parents had given me my last chance when I was still in high school, and I'd burned about every bridge I had with my sister and brother, not to mention all my other relations. I was completely on my own, and I had no clue what to do."

He paused for another long minute and I looked at him carefully. It seemed to be registering on his face for the first time in what must have been years just what his role was in the mess his life had become.

"The thing is, or rather was, I was not really good at taking stock of things back then, ya' know? I didn't much think about the future because I thought everything sucked and I'd probably be dead before I was thirty." 

He tilted his head toward me and asked directly, "How old do you think I am now?"

I studied his face and his hands. "I'm guessing your mid-forties? Maybe 47 or 48?"

He snorted a laugh and looking at the ground but speaking to me replied, "No man, I'm not even close to my forties. I turned 30 a few weeks ago. Thirty. Thirty and missing half my teeth and feeling like I've been run over by a Sherman tank."

My disbelief was impossible to hide. I was tempted to ask him to show me an ID that proved his age. It seemed incredulous that a man I assumed was at least ten years older than me was actually five years younger. I forced myself to shut my mouth and just make an "Hmmm hmm" sound.

His eyes seemed to be watering up a little as he stared past me again. "Yeah, thirty, and I'm still alive. Now what? I can't go on like this anymore. It's hell."

We both sat quietly for a few minutes, as if there was an unspoken agreement to do so in order to take in the gravity of the situation.

Then he said, "Man, I cannot talk right now. I thought I could, but I can't. I'm sorry. Thought I was ready to go, but there's just so much that I can't get to the surface right now, ya' know?"

It was my turn to stare past him as I pondered my reply. Finally, after what seemed like minutes but was probably only a few seconds, I said, "I understand. I was the same way when I first started my journey to get of the streets."