Perspective Check

Wednesday night a friend of mine shared his opinion of what it means to be poor and unlucky. He stated, "Being poor and unlucky is saving up for months in order to buy tickets to see your favorite band in concert at Red Rocks and the day you finally have the money in hand you get a flat tire and the guy at the tire shop tells you that the rest of your bald tires are about to go - literally, he states he can't believe the rest of your tires haven't blown out too, as they are just rollin' bombs ready to blow, so you have to spend the money you saved up for the concert on new tires instead of the tickets".

I was in a pissy mood, so I looked at him disdainfully and then replied, "No, that's not being poor and unlucky, that's just being broke and actually, incredibly lucky. For starters, if you are truly poor, you cannot afford a car, no way no how. Being poor means taking the bus to get anywhere - not a cab or Uber or Lyft - those all require money or a credit card, and when you're poor you do not have money for luxury like that, and you certainly do not have a credit card, at least not one you use for, again, a luxury like a a car ride."

I added, for good, indignant self-righteous measure, "And lucky not to have had a blow out and cause an accident that could have resulted in injury or worse.'

"Oh come on", my friend retorted, "you know what I mean!"

"Uh, I think I understand what kind of comment-in-jest you're trying to make, but I don't think you actually know what poor means."

"Oh, and like you do?" He replied defensively.

A long minute passed between us as I pondered whether or not I should give him the full "Yes, yes I damn well do know what poor means" treatment, or just go with the condensed 
version.

I opted for the condensed version.

I said, "You ever drive downtown, near the intersection of 20th & Park?"

"Is that by Coors Field? I've been to Coors Field a lot, so yeah."

"It's close to Coors Field", I continued, "but a few blocks further south. It's where the Denver Rescue Mission is - there is usually a fairly large group of people on the sidewalks in front of the Mission, some even have tents."

"Are you talking about the homeless people? C'mon man, that's a pretty extreme example of what poor is."

"You're right", I stated flatly, "that would be an extreme example of what poor is if I was going to use the homeless as an example of being poor. But I'm not, because homeless people are not poor, they're destitute. Big difference between poor and destitute."

"Poor is not being homeless. Poor is a precursor to homelessness though. Most people who are poor are still working, still have a roof over their heads, are still juggling bills, still hoping that they'll have enough to make it to the next paycheck. Poor people still clip coupons because the cell phones they have are not smart phones, so they can't download whatever the great deal on fresh produce is at the market is this week. Poor people have TV's but very rarely do they have channels other than what's available for free. If a poor person shops for clothes somewhere other than a thrift store, they go straight to the clearance racks. And most significantly, poor people don't buy cars, because not only can they not afford to buy one, they can't afford even to have a car if they get one free. Insurance, gas, oil, and of course new tires all cost money. Poor people do not have that kind of money."

"Dude", my friend retorted after I shut up, "How the hell do you know what being poor is? You have it made!"

"That's what it may look like to you, but you only know me as I am now" I looked at him as seriously as I could. "I have enough, but that's because I worked my ass off, and yeah, probably got lucky just being able to do that very thing. But I know poor, and having to sacrifice tickets to a concert in order to buy new tires for your car isn't it."

He stared at me for a short second before giving me a whatever shrug and walking away. I just sat and stared into space, hating myself for a moment for getting self-righteous about being poor without having the courage to really explain what my claim about how I know what being poor truly is, is actually based upon.

There are things in the past, some experiences, that just don't need to be talked about anymore.