The Hedgehog

A scruffy looking character walks into a bar and sits down on a barstool directly in front of the bartender.

The bartender, a middle-aged bottle-blonde who has seen and heard it all, says, "What'll it be, Mac?"

The man says, "I have a piano-playing hedgehog in the right pocket of my coat. If I have him play you a number can I get a free drink?"

The bartender laughs at that and replies, "Sure Mac, if you can pull a tiny piano and a piano-playing hedgehog out of your pocket and put on a performance, I'll give you a drink of anything you want."

So the man proceeds to pull a tiny grand piano and a tiny piano bench out of his coat pocket, along with an even smaller hedgehog. He places the piano down and sets the bench right in front of it, then puts the hedgehog on the piano bench.

The brassy blonde bartender snorts and stares at the display, then the man points a small flashlight at the hedgehog sitting in front of the piano.

"He likes the limelight," says the man, "inspires him to perform at his best."

Appearing to crack his knuckles the hedgehog then places his tiny fingers on the tiny piano keys and proceeds to play.

First a little of Debussy's "Claire du Lune" as a warm up, then the hedgehog rips right into Prokofiev's "Lentamente".  

The bartender is slack-jawed & stunned. "Wow," she says, "That's the most amazing thing I've ever seen. What'll you have?"

"I'll have a classic Old Fashioned", which the bartender quickly whips up and sets down in front of the scruffy man. The man gulps down the drink nearly as fast as the bartender made it.

"My god woman, that was quite a delightful drink! If I can show you another act that'll top even the piano playing hedgehog, can I have another?"

Taken aback, the bartender throws the man a look of suspicious doubt. "You have something that can top the hedgehog act? If you have something that even comes close to topping the hedgehog act, you can drink all night for free!"

The unkempt man then pulls a small mouse out of the left pocket of his coat and places it on the table. The mouse quickly scurries over to the piano and jumps up on it and stands on it's hind legs.

The bartender twirls a few strands of her dark rooted blonde hair and stares cynically as the mouse appears to be clearing it's throat. Then the hedgehog starts to play the Simon & Garfunkel classic "Bridge Over Troubled Water" and soon the mouse starts singing, parroting both voices perfectly, even somehow managing to pull off the harmonies.

"Oh my g-g-god," the bartender stutters out. "That is the most incredible thing I've ever witnessed. Whatever you want Mac, you got it, all night long."

The man proceeds to order cocktail after cocktail until he's barely able to stay on his barstool, and all the while the hedgehog and the mouse continue to perform.

As luck would have it, a well-connected talent agent happens to walk into the bar just as the now drunk man falls to the floor.

The talent agent stares incredulously at the performing hedgehog and mouse, and then asks the bartender, "Where did you find this fantastic act?! I'll pay a million dollars right now for them!"

The jaded bartender motions to the scruffy drunk man on the floor and says, "They're not mine, they're his."

Excited beyond the pale the talent agent grabs the drunk man and practically screaming at him repeats his offer of a million dollars for the hedgehog and the mouse.

The bleary-eyed drunk looks at the talent agent and slurs out, "No dealsh, theys not forsh sale."

"Oh come on," the talent agent persists, "I'll double that, two million - think of all the cocktails you can drink with that!"

The drunk looks up at the talent agent, squints his eyes in an attempt to make him out better, and says, "Not forsh ten millionsh will I sell yoush the hedgehosh and moush. But I'lls tell yoush what, I'lls sell yoush the moush alone forsh 100 grand."

The talent agent doesn't hesitate. "Done," he exclaims, and immediately pulls out a cashiers check and makes it out for 100k, hands it to the drunk, then scoops up the mouse and practically runs out of the bar.

The blonde bartender, blue eyes ablaze, looks down at the scruffy drunk man and says, "Are you nuts? You just broke up the most amazing act in the history of entertainment for a hundred grand?! You could have had two million dollars!"

The drunk looks up at the bartender and puts a shaky finger to his lips. "Ssshhhhssstt, " He stammers, "the hedgehosh ah ventriloquish."

Badda boom.."*tisht*

I'll be here all week, try the chicken parm.