Every time I've been in Paris
Be it for a weekend or for a week
It's been sunny - clear, cloudless skies
Not one drop of rain
So I've never known the joy
Of slogging through that city
While a storm howled through it
Ripping my umbrella from my hands
As the dirty little streets became
Muddy tributaries that emptied into the Seine
Each and every time I've been in Paris
The people have been fairly nice
And graciously patient
As I slaughtered their language asking for directions
Or tried to explain I didn't like cold seafood
And not once have I met
A breathtakingly beautiful French woman
Who proceeded to dangle my heart from the Eiffel tower
Like a crippled marionette
Femme fatale my ass
So, you no doubt can imagine my disappointment
And understand fully why
I'll be taking my tourist dollars elsewhere
Maybe I'll try my luck in Bratislava
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